If you have been following my journal, you might remember Adam. Adam, is someone I met online over three years ago, who I have never met in person. I wrote a whole blog post about Adam, because I believe him to be seriously awesome. http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2011/03/who-hell-is-adam.html
The last time I spoke to Adam, was actually the day I wrote the post. After I wrote it, I sent him a txt message letting him know that I had written the blog post and for him to read it and tell me what he thought. He ever so faithfully responded to me, telling me he liked it and that I was just too cute! OH MY DEAR ADAM! HOW AWESOME ARE THEE!
The other day, I was having one of those days, I like to call them Benjamin Nunez days. Benjamin Nunez, is not really the persons name, however, that is his alias and I don't want to write his real name on my blog, so I will just call him Benjamin Nunez.
A Benjamin Nunez day as I once described to Benjamin himself, is a day when I wake up love hating him. One minute I love him, the next I hate him, the next I wish he would disappear from the face of the earth, the next I want to see him, then I hate the way he looks how could I have ever even like that stupid jerk, then the next I wish I could hold him close and kiss him real hard, then the next I want to punch him in the face, step on his foot and knee him on his balls and end it with a punch in the stomach thus hurting him to the point he is breathless! yes, I really do imagine this scenario in my mind! sometimes when I imagine it, I laugh to myself oh yes, but I do a lot of crying on those days as well. Needless to say, those days to me are extremely emotional. I take it, that you get the idea. A Benjamin Nunez day, is one of those days!
When I have my BN days, I am more un happy then happy, because honestly all those thoughts leave me exhausted. Of course I am trying really hard to move on from these stupid thoughts that are a waste of energy, and I must admit that I have not had one of them in a really long time which is great. But well, like any "normal" human being I guess, I had one of those days of useless energy usage and on my way home from work, into my thoughts came ADAM! My ADAM where are thee my sweet!
So, what did I do? Well I sent him a txt message of course duh! and my ever so faithful Adam responded my message about half hour later. The thing about Adam, is that since I have never seen him (only in pictures) I don't really have a picture of him in my mind. To me, he is just this really amazing person that talks to me whenever I feel happy, sad, scared, pissed etc. to me, he is a faceless soul (my angel) but I don't have any sort of friendship with him, it is honestly, the strangest thing I have ever experienced.
My message to Adam went something like this.... Remember I have not spoken to him in nearly a month and never met him in person.
Me - Will you meet me for a drink tonight? I'll pick you up? I'm feeling really sad today :( please?
Adam - I'm in AC
When I saw that, a sudden fear came over me, I thought OMG! what if Adam found a girl? so I immediately asked him a question I have not asked him, in about a year. I never ever ask him stuff like the following.
Me - Really? who with? did you find a girlfriend??
Adam - No with my friend John
When I read this, I felt a sense of relief and all of a sudden a smile on my face and a happy feeling in my heart. And the messages continued as so...
Me - Will you see me when you return please?
Adam - Ok baby, what happened? why are you down?
Me - I have been staying home, studying, working, jogging and I feel a bit lonely. Just wanted to spend time with someone who I like. Rather then going out meeting some stranger.
Adam - your so cute!
Me - When do you come back
Adam - XYZ day
Adam - you have a car?
Me - of course I have a car
Adam - Can you pick me up and we can kiss in your car hehe?
at this point I felt a bit shocked, Adam, has always been such a gentleman with me that him asking me to kiss him, felt both strange and very sweet, so I smiled and shook my head and responded...
Me - Please? promise?
Adam - Yea baby I promise ;) are you a good kisser?
Me - I don't know, you can tell me though ;)
Adam - OK ;)
Me - You didn't promise :(
Adam - I promise
After this, I had a huge smile on my face and I wrote him....
Me - You made my day :) thank you baby!
end of conversation!
Here is the thing, the truth is that I don't think I really ever want to meet Adam. I am not sure I am ready or will ever be ready to meet him in person. I have never felt so awkward about any situation before but I don't want to meet him, because If I do, then all the magic will be gone. I sometimes try to imagine being around him and I try to create a mental image of him. He is half Italian half Cuban which is to me just the sexiest mix ever! and the pictures I have seen OMG! that six pack, what if it's real? those hazel eyes, what if they are really that color? those full lips what if they really are good to kiss??? It's almost my little fantasy that I don't want to make a reality.
After talking to him, I felt really happy and I was ready to move on from my bad day and I forgot all about my sad feelings for the day and I also forgot all about my conversation with Adam WTF! Actually, I didn't think about that until just now when I was thinking if maybe I should see him.
But then I think, Adam never spoke to me about kissing or any of that, all our conversations have been very non sexual in nature. They have always been just normal talk about everyday stuff, so for him to reference kissing me, I was really shocked about it. I have not kissed anyone in my car since like October, so I am just really nervous to kiss in my car or any where else for that matter. What should I do? should I kiss Adam?
The last time I spoke to Adam, was actually the day I wrote the post. After I wrote it, I sent him a txt message letting him know that I had written the blog post and for him to read it and tell me what he thought. He ever so faithfully responded to me, telling me he liked it and that I was just too cute! OH MY DEAR ADAM! HOW AWESOME ARE THEE!
The other day, I was having one of those days, I like to call them Benjamin Nunez days. Benjamin Nunez, is not really the persons name, however, that is his alias and I don't want to write his real name on my blog, so I will just call him Benjamin Nunez.
A Benjamin Nunez day as I once described to Benjamin himself, is a day when I wake up love hating him. One minute I love him, the next I hate him, the next I wish he would disappear from the face of the earth, the next I want to see him, then I hate the way he looks how could I have ever even like that stupid jerk, then the next I wish I could hold him close and kiss him real hard, then the next I want to punch him in the face, step on his foot and knee him on his balls and end it with a punch in the stomach thus hurting him to the point he is breathless! yes, I really do imagine this scenario in my mind! sometimes when I imagine it, I laugh to myself oh yes, but I do a lot of crying on those days as well. Needless to say, those days to me are extremely emotional. I take it, that you get the idea. A Benjamin Nunez day, is one of those days!
When I have my BN days, I am more un happy then happy, because honestly all those thoughts leave me exhausted. Of course I am trying really hard to move on from these stupid thoughts that are a waste of energy, and I must admit that I have not had one of them in a really long time which is great. But well, like any "normal" human being I guess, I had one of those days of useless energy usage and on my way home from work, into my thoughts came ADAM! My ADAM where are thee my sweet!
So, what did I do? Well I sent him a txt message of course duh! and my ever so faithful Adam responded my message about half hour later. The thing about Adam, is that since I have never seen him (only in pictures) I don't really have a picture of him in my mind. To me, he is just this really amazing person that talks to me whenever I feel happy, sad, scared, pissed etc. to me, he is a faceless soul (my angel) but I don't have any sort of friendship with him, it is honestly, the strangest thing I have ever experienced.
My message to Adam went something like this.... Remember I have not spoken to him in nearly a month and never met him in person.
Me - Will you meet me for a drink tonight? I'll pick you up? I'm feeling really sad today :( please?
Adam - I'm in AC
When I saw that, a sudden fear came over me, I thought OMG! what if Adam found a girl? so I immediately asked him a question I have not asked him, in about a year. I never ever ask him stuff like the following.
Me - Really? who with? did you find a girlfriend??
Adam - No with my friend John
When I read this, I felt a sense of relief and all of a sudden a smile on my face and a happy feeling in my heart. And the messages continued as so...
Me - Will you see me when you return please?
Adam - Ok baby, what happened? why are you down?
Me - I have been staying home, studying, working, jogging and I feel a bit lonely. Just wanted to spend time with someone who I like. Rather then going out meeting some stranger.
Adam - your so cute!
Me - When do you come back
Adam - XYZ day
Adam - you have a car?
Me - of course I have a car
Adam - Can you pick me up and we can kiss in your car hehe?
at this point I felt a bit shocked, Adam, has always been such a gentleman with me that him asking me to kiss him, felt both strange and very sweet, so I smiled and shook my head and responded...
Me - Please? promise?
Adam - Yea baby I promise ;) are you a good kisser?
Me - I don't know, you can tell me though ;)
Adam - OK ;)
Me - You didn't promise :(
Adam - I promise
After this, I had a huge smile on my face and I wrote him....
Me - You made my day :) thank you baby!
end of conversation!
Here is the thing, the truth is that I don't think I really ever want to meet Adam. I am not sure I am ready or will ever be ready to meet him in person. I have never felt so awkward about any situation before but I don't want to meet him, because If I do, then all the magic will be gone. I sometimes try to imagine being around him and I try to create a mental image of him. He is half Italian half Cuban which is to me just the sexiest mix ever! and the pictures I have seen OMG! that six pack, what if it's real? those hazel eyes, what if they are really that color? those full lips what if they really are good to kiss??? It's almost my little fantasy that I don't want to make a reality.
After talking to him, I felt really happy and I was ready to move on from my bad day and I forgot all about my sad feelings for the day and I also forgot all about my conversation with Adam WTF! Actually, I didn't think about that until just now when I was thinking if maybe I should see him.
But then I think, Adam never spoke to me about kissing or any of that, all our conversations have been very non sexual in nature. They have always been just normal talk about everyday stuff, so for him to reference kissing me, I was really shocked about it. I have not kissed anyone in my car since like October, so I am just really nervous to kiss in my car or any where else for that matter. What should I do? should I kiss Adam?
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