Dear Journal -
It's been such a long time since I've written you, doing so feels foreign and weird and I'm sorry for that! I didn't forget you though, I just didn't feel like I had anything worth writing and if I did, it was stuff that I didn't know how to express, I know that all of that is just excuses but I have felt like I have so much going on, that it's hard sometimes to make time for you. Right now however, I feel like I have a lot to say or at least to work through and when I feel that way I come to you Journal, because I feel like coming to you is sort of therapeutic and helps me feel better.
So where do I start? I guess I can start by saying that I do not know how to be in a relationship, I don't know how to be one of two people. Life is so full of surprises, and it's ridiculous to believe that when you enter into something special like a relationship, that everything will be perfect, or that the person you are with is perfect and won't ever do things that you aren't happy with, so that's why I'm here journal, I'm here because something that was done to me within my relationship was not very nice, it was something that's forgivable, but hard to forget easily.
When things like that happen, it's hard because one side of you is always saying to you, why do you need this person? Why can't you just let this person go? Why do you even bother? What more is there to say or talk about? How many questions can you ask to get the closure you need? And no matter how much logic you put into all these questions, and no matter how much you think that all those questions are valid, there is still that ONE thing that overpowers it all, that thing called LOVE and when that feeling takes control, all of a sudden nor logic nor reality nor anything matters, because that one thing has control of it all and that's why I always wonder, does love conquer all?
Now I'm not on here journal asking you to answer this question for me, like unless by some miracle someone came on this lovely journal entry that is my life and wrote a comment and told me exactly what to do and guaranteed to me that it wouldn't be painful, then maybe that would be a good solution, but in reality, the only solution is to wait it out and hope that the feelings get better. What feelings you ask? The hurt, the anger, the feeling of vengefulness, the feelings of hate, the feelings of mistrust, the feelings of confusion.
So what do I do when all these things are going on inside me journal, what do I do? I think to myself, what is the most loving thing that I can do for myself and this other person to make all this better? What do I do to be a good human to myself first and then the other person, how do I know that this too shall pass? So I just wait, I wait because I know that something will give, the universe is kind and loving and when you ask something from it, if you have patience, you get it. So that's what I will do, I will wait and be patient and hope that sooner rather than later, my answer will be clear and I will no longer be scared and all will be well in my world again. For now, the important thing to remember is that no one hurts you on purpose, most times it's accidental or without bad intention, and if it is, then that human is not a nice human, but I like to think that if I fell in love with someone, I did so because I saw loving things and therefore what was done was not done to make me feel the way I do now. So I shall wait, because one day and hopefully soon, this too shall pass and
So where do I start? I guess I can start by saying that I do not know how to be in a relationship, I don't know how to be one of two people. Life is so full of surprises, and it's ridiculous to believe that when you enter into something special like a relationship, that everything will be perfect, or that the person you are with is perfect and won't ever do things that you aren't happy with, so that's why I'm here journal, I'm here because something that was done to me within my relationship was not very nice, it was something that's forgivable, but hard to forget easily.
When things like that happen, it's hard because one side of you is always saying to you, why do you need this person? Why can't you just let this person go? Why do you even bother? What more is there to say or talk about? How many questions can you ask to get the closure you need? And no matter how much logic you put into all these questions, and no matter how much you think that all those questions are valid, there is still that ONE thing that overpowers it all, that thing called LOVE and when that feeling takes control, all of a sudden nor logic nor reality nor anything matters, because that one thing has control of it all and that's why I always wonder, does love conquer all?
Now I'm not on here journal asking you to answer this question for me, like unless by some miracle someone came on this lovely journal entry that is my life and wrote a comment and told me exactly what to do and guaranteed to me that it wouldn't be painful, then maybe that would be a good solution, but in reality, the only solution is to wait it out and hope that the feelings get better. What feelings you ask? The hurt, the anger, the feeling of vengefulness, the feelings of hate, the feelings of mistrust, the feelings of confusion.
So what do I do when all these things are going on inside me journal, what do I do? I think to myself, what is the most loving thing that I can do for myself and this other person to make all this better? What do I do to be a good human to myself first and then the other person, how do I know that this too shall pass? So I just wait, I wait because I know that something will give, the universe is kind and loving and when you ask something from it, if you have patience, you get it. So that's what I will do, I will wait and be patient and hope that sooner rather than later, my answer will be clear and I will no longer be scared and all will be well in my world again. For now, the important thing to remember is that no one hurts you on purpose, most times it's accidental or without bad intention, and if it is, then that human is not a nice human, but I like to think that if I fell in love with someone, I did so because I saw loving things and therefore what was done was not done to make me feel the way I do now. So I shall wait, because one day and hopefully soon, this too shall pass and
