Sunday, April 29, 2012

The Rebound (2009) trailer

Dear Journal:

This is what happens to me when I am watching a romantic movie and am going through my cycle that just turns me into a disgusting messy mushy cry baby woman.  FUCKING HORMONES! I don't usually watch romantic movies anymore, actually I don't watch movies much anymore, but when I do, they always end up being romantic comedies because that's what I like to watch.  I have met two men that love to watch romantic comedies also.  One, was my friend who I no longer speak to, and the other person, is my love (who no longer speaks to me) oh yes! I bet you thought I was over him by now right? no, not yet.

This October it will be 5 years that there is not one day that goes by that I don't think about him, my inspiration, my reason my drive.  He changed my life forever and I don't even remotely know how to move on from it, but I do try, sincerely sort of I do.  I have written about him a million times and probably will write a million more.  You can find out about him here..... http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2010/12/omg-my-first-blog-entry.html

Anyway, the other day I watched a movie called the rebound and while I was watching it I kept thinking, damn that sort of looks like my life, holy shit now they make movies about my life? but the only thing that remotely resembled my life, was the fact that the lead character (Catherine Zeta Jones) was 15 years or maybe more, I'm not sure, older then the male lead character (Justin Bartha) who is HOT! (spoiler ALERT! if you want to see this movie don't read anymore, because I'm about to divulge parts of the movie). 

The movie was about the fact that they fell in love and she is older then he is.  Anyway, there is a scene where she thinks she is pregnant and it turns out that she really isn't.  When she leaves the doctors office with him after the doctor tells them that she is not, she flips out on him and starts to tell him that she can't even believe she was even remotely happy that she was going to have a baby when their whole relationship was wrong, she was a 42 year old woman and he was a 25 year old man who should be back packing in Europe not being in a relationship hoping to have a child with her.  After that scene they break up and he does just that, he goes back packing in Europe.  After he returns from his trip in Europe and has adopted a child, they bump into each other and realize that they still love one another and the movie ends.

So, that scene stayed on my mind and I kept thinking about my love and the fact that he is 9 years younger then I am and how the whole time while we were friends, I would always think to myself that I was ridiculous to think that he would look at me in that way.  He had no children and I have three.  Then the other day as I was walking home thinking about it, the stupidest thought crossed my mind, I kept thinking to myself, Jazzy, pretend that his new relationship is just a process that he is going through, that will enable him to be closer to the day that he will come back to you! he is only "back packing through Europe" aka, having a girlfriend who he might marry and have a child with, end up divorcing and then, he can finally be with you.  

That is about the most horrible wish I could have for someone! I am ashamed to admit that I thought that! how is my love true when I want him to hurry up get married and divorced so he could finally reach up to where I am in my life?  in the movie, the guy goes back packing through Europe and comes back to her and I assume they live happily ever after, but in my reality, how can I even think such a horrible thing.  But I did and it's true, he is going through the things he has to, but who am I to go around wishing for him not to have a successful loving marriage (not that he's getting married or maybe he is I don't know) but the point is that I don't allow myself the opportunity to move on because I'm always sort of waiting for some sort of miracle to happen, some sort of something that probably won't and so I think these ridiculous thoughts to make myself feel better about it.  And after I thought that I kept thinking, God please forgive me for wishing these things for him, I want my love to be happy, I really do, for my love for him is sincere and true and if he is happy, then I am too! no matter how sad that makes me.  God I'm such a looser! 

When I met him, he was sort of my rebound, he helped me through a really tough time in my life and I don't know how to let go of that and move on.  Please, I want to forget he ever existed!

Sorry about this entry journal, but I am a hot mess! (insert sad face here)


I couldn't find the clip I was looking for, but this is all sort of relevant to my movie clip series.... http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2012/04/david-kross-in-reader-01.html

which by the way, my series was inspired by my love.  

Please enjoy the trailer and I hope you will watch the movie, it's a good one!

The Rebound - Catherine Zeta Jones.










Friday, April 27, 2012

Dear Journal... Lives memorable moments

Dear Journal - I often write my journal entries on my IPhone because I am not able to always sit on my bed and blog, so I write where ever I am at on my notepad on the IPhone and then I email myself the post and publish it on my blog.

I was on the train the other day and decided to go through almost 2 years worth of journals.  Some I will publish later on as time goes on because they are still too new and I don't know how much of my current life I want to share on this my journal, although it is a journal, the sequence of events don't necessarily have to be in a specific order.  Actually, my thought a long time ago was to use my journal as a reference base of events, because one day I will write my book and I can always go back to my blog and find things on here that have something that will trigger a memory of detail that I can't really share on my blog because as I have said before this blog is PG 13, trust me when I say that on here, I can't even write the half of some of the things that I have experienced.  Anyway, I found this entry on 4-24 while reading my old journals, after seeing it, I decided to post it.  I like to recall moments that are full of emotion.  

I don't want to share exactly what date I wrote this entry, but it is something that I felt really strong about..........

Dear Journal:
 I have no idea how to control these feelings but I need to get a grip especially before I see him! Omg! So much emotion! I just want him to hold me in his arms and kiss me really hard and just love me! What if all his words were really sincere and I hurt him because I couldn't believe it was true and yet still he comes creeping back into my life with hesitation.

I could tell last night that we were both so happy yet so scared! Afraid to feel that pain we caused each other.  I have felt so many things for him and cried about it even, yet I never write about it.  I guess putting it down in words is accepting that which I refuse to acknowledge.  I thought that all that I wanted was an apology, but I am starting to feel that all I want is him.  Of course it's probably crazy! And not even real really, but how else can I explain the fact that I don't even feel the urge to talk to any other man? 

God I wish I could just spend time with him! These next few weeks will be so long, waiting for the moment when I finally see him for the very first time and really know! What is this I feel? yet I always manage to control myself and I have no choice but to, but I hate almost forcing myself not to think of him, except when I did think about him it made me happy, it made me happy then, and makes me happy now.  

I can't believe he is back in my life, part of me is trilled yet the other part is scared to death! Yet I refuse to let my fear interfere this time! I am going to take a chance with him, I'm going to go with it and not hold back, but just let it unfold without all the doubts that I had before.  He came back for me, he came to me, he is afraid just as I am, I can tell we both want it just as bad yet we can't completely feel safe with it.  As long as he doesn't pressure me like he did before, I will allow myself to care and go with it wherever it should take me. God I must be crazy!

Oh yeah, I dedicated this song to him and he sort of just......

Have I told you lately that I love you - Rod Stewart

YOU WANT TO FUCK WITH ME?? Say Hello to My Little Friend

Hello! and welcome to my favorite all time movie clips! I'm really enjoying doing this on my blog for two reasons.  First, I don't get to watch movies the way I once did and two, I hope that someone may stubble upon my blog see the clip and be like.... Oh I remember that, Oh that looks like something good or Oh, this woman has no life and only watched movies in the 80's and 90's actually, probably just the 90's regardless, this is my journal and as such, I can do what ever I want on it... (insert smiley icon here)


What made me start this you ask?  you can find out here...... http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2012/04/david-kross-in-reader-01.html 






YOU WANT TO FUCK WITH ME? 


Scarface... This is when I fell in love with Al Pacino.




Monday, April 23, 2012

SO GANGSTA! JAZZY'S MOVIE CLIP!

Yesterday morning, I had to get off the highway and take a local route to school, I ended up in Coney Island, one of my favorite places in NYC! why? because that's where they filmed one of my favorite movie clips.  If you have never watched this movie, no matter what age you are, you simply MUST! 


I said I would start a little series on my blog, with my favorite movie clips, find out why....http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2012/04/david-kross-in-reader-01.html


ps. I was in love with the main character! HOTTY! 


The Warriors - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRM2YcGpmxg&feature=BFa&list=PL8D6823EA76AE6E4B


Friday, April 20, 2012

Jazzy's MOVIE CLIP! ...TRUE LOVE.....

If you ever come across this blog and wonder about me, because this is the very first post you are reading, then there is something you should know about me.  Love is my religion!


I wanted to share my favorite movie scenes on my blog, because someone inspired me to want to do so.  Inspiration, comes from love.  This is one of my favorite movies.  If you have never seen it, then you definitely should!! This movie is about my favorite subject, LOVE! 



I started a series called Jazzy's movie clip collection, here is a link to my first post about it http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2012/04/david-kross-in-reader-01.html (just in case you wondered why?)




Bram Stoker's Dracula - Winona Ryder
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugbOR40eoCw






Thursday, April 19, 2012

JAZZY'S MOVIE CLIP! ......THE SEX SCENE! ENJOY!

People don't talk about movies as much as they used too! I remember once upon a time when movies were a constant topic of conversation.  I have decided to start a lil series of blog posts, with clips of my favorite movies.  I think I'll call it, Jazzy's movie clip collection.  I'm hoping that when someone comes across my blog and finds a clip, it will remind them of the movie (if they watched it) or entice them to want to watch it.
Once upon a time, I watched movies allll the time! and I often quoted them! I'm not able to watch many anymore (inset sad face here) but nonetheless, I'm still a fan of cinematography!Hope you will enjoy my lil clip selections.


you may also view this clip on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfyTsDz_E0Y&feature=player_embedded







Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Schizophrenia - (insert sad face here)

Dear Journal - 4-18-12


I am about to leave my college library which is probably the only place I can actually concentrate and get any sort of school work done.  I am writing a paper on Schizophrenia.  Goodness our minds are incredible machines! I can't get over it! I am half way done with my research and I have to say that the more and more I read about this stuff, the more and more I want to cry! it's so sad the effect that this mental disorder has on a human being.  


So, with out anything more to say on this, I just ask anyone who comes across this blog, that the next time you are on a train, or driving down a road and see someone talking to the air or thinking that you should salute them, or just dirty and walking without any direction, please I beg you to have some compassion for this poor soul! they are harmless creatures of God.


Sunday, April 15, 2012

Dear Journal 4-15-12

Dear Journal:


Sometimes I am afraid to write all the things that go on in my life on my journal, because for someone that doesn't have much of a life these days, so much really does happen!


There is this person who I was talking to last night and I was very impressed by, I told him that I write a blog which is about my life and he said something like, I keep my life very private.  After he said that I told him that I would never write about him, or rather that if I did, no one would ever know it was him, because I never say who.  After that, together he and I made up this whole fictional story about what I could indeed write, he made me laugh and made me feel happy.


He told me some really crazy things that happened to him while he was in Afghanistan and said that he had seen really horrible things, I joked and told him that lucky for him, he had met me and now I could practice my Psychology on him.  I wish that I could write a long report of events that took place after our conversation, but I rather keep that personal because I don't know journal, sometimes I think someone is reading you.  I can say however that being around him made me feel really comfortable and that we laughed a whole lot and that we shared a great evening together.  


Then this morning I wake up and there is a txt message from someone I had not spoken to in about 2 months, someone who I had a very nasty argument with and sort of had stopped talking to, seeing his message really pleased me, but the weird thing about it was that I have been thinking about him so much lately, that getting that message really freaked me out.  Whenever I think of someone one deeply, they sort of just pop up.  I believe that is called the law of attraction, so very powerful our minds are.


Is cuddling fun? did I once enjoy that and gave it up because I was afraid of intimacy? I believe I am starting to overcome that fear of it all.  Maybe I will enjoy those things which I sort of moved away from a few years ago.  Don't ask why I'm writing all these random thoughts tonight, but I just feel really happy with life these days, things are just good, nothing crazy or out of control, just normal life in a very serene and peaceful way.  It is true I believe what Dan Millman said in his book the "Way of the peaceful warrior" when you live a certain way, you just attract certain things, it is really scary sometimes that I am becoming more and more like I truly am in my heart, just by allowing myself the opportunity to cleanse my thoughts and live in the moment.


Good night dearest journal!


Check out the books.....


http://www.peacefulwarrior.com/store/dans-books/45-way-of-the-peaceful-warrior

Cher - if I could turn back time (lyrics)

This morning I woke up to a txt message that had the chorus of this song on it! YUP! yes I did! and I felt really really happy!


Thank you, your apology made my day and now I know, that it was special! A sorry, makes a world of a difference, it cleanses our soul and makes us feel like new!


IS THERE ANYONE YOU WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO?


GO...... DO IT NOW!




Cher - If I could turn back time....

We Are Young-Glee Cast-Lyrics

I don't watch this show, but I like this song.......


We Are Young - Glee Cast.


Katy Perry - Part Of Me



Throw your sticks and stones throw your bombs and blows
but your not going to break my SOUL.....
THIS IS THE PART OF ME THAT YOUR NEVER GONNA EVER TAKE AWAY FROM ME....


Now look at me, I'm sparkling
A FIREWORK A DANCING FLAME...
YOU WON'T EVER PUT ME OUT AGAIN I'M GLOWING!




Katy Perry - Part Of Me

Friday, April 13, 2012

On Line dating..... REAL CRAZY SHIT!

I am seriously like extremely tired and although I want to write a full out report, I really can't do it for two major reasons.  One, I don't have all the material ready, two, I am to tired to put it together even if I did have all of it and three, It's too detailed and way too much to write on a Friday night nearing midnight (sorry that was three not two).  Wow! why am I writing a blog post at this time again? YEAH! ABSOLUTELY NO LIFE! or some may argue that being home on a Friday night blogging is very cool, UM, yeah!

Anyway, the other day I had a meeting with my Social Psychology Professor because I was very concerned with the fact that I did not do well in her exam, if you have read my blog before, I have mentioned how I get really nervous during exams and blank out almost, it's really stressful and something I have been struggling with for the last few years since I went back to college.  Regardless of the fact that I don't test well, I somehow manage to get decent grades, but decent is simply not enough.  So after the exam my awesome Professor said that we could meet her if we wanted to discuss our grade if we were not happy with it.  She said she had different methods she could discuss with us on how to study by seeing our study techniques.  I made an appointment with her and all I can say is that she is AWESOME! 

I went into her office and the first thing I said to her was, Professor, I need to do well in order to get into grad school, furthermore, I take my academic career extremely serious and I want to know what you suggest I do in order to make this happen.  Then I said, Professor, I really really want to do some research about online dating except I have no idea how to start or what to do or exactly what I want it to be on.  As soon as I said that, she turns around and goes through some books she has on her desk and hands me a booklet and the title was...... Psychological Science in the public interest, A journal of the Association for Psychological Science and the topic? Online Dating A Critical Analysis Form the Perspective of Psychological Science! when I saw it, my mouth salivated because I could not wait to sink my teeth into it and read every little bit of information those four amazing Social Psychologist had to share.

As I said, I do not have all the information yet to be able to really access or write too much on the subject, the booklet is only about 60 pages and I am only up to page 15 not including the commentary and introduction and all the other juicy stuff I read thus far.  But already, there are some very fundamental things that I need to put on my blog because I found them relevant to my life.  Below is some information I literally copied off the booklet, it was just easier doing that than rewriting it in my own words.  It is as follows:

"Longer periods of computer mediated communication may hurt peoples romantic aspects, people over interpret the social cues available and if done to long can produce unpleasant expectancy violations." 

81% of online daters report inaccurate characteristics about themselves ie. height weight age
60% lied about weight 48% about their height and 19% about their age
Generally the degree of deception was small and difficult to detect face to face.

Why was this study done?

They did the study because they wanted to address several questions that have public importance.  They express and I quote "romantic relationships, their presence as well as their success or failure, play a central role in individuals' physical and emotional well being" the need to connect deeply with others has been described as a "fundamental human motivation, when that need is fulfilled  couples experience better health, recover from Illness more quickly and live longer lives."  AMAZING!

My concluding thoughts on this topic that I have not really finished reading and hope to discuss further on my wonderful blog is.  I have had very positive experiences ever since I entered the world of online dating, I highly recommend it to everyone because it's all about the approach you take when using that avenue to meet potential romantic partners.  Once upon a time I was one of those "bah hum bug" people about online dating, but I don't feel that way anymore.  No I have not met the man of my dreams (I don't really have a man of my dreams) on any of these sites, but I have met some amazing new friends and that is always awesome! If you have any questions about this post, please leave me a comment and I will be more then happy to find out the answer for you.

I leave you now with a song my little girl was listening to.  I overheard her listening to it and just HAD to put it on my blog.... for LOVE MAKES OUR WORLD TURN ROUND! AND IF YOU ARE SINGLE LIKE ME, GO GET EM TIGGER! Remember, the experts say that Romantic Relationships help us live longer! 



Celine Dion and Peabo Bryson- Beauty and the Beast





Friday, April 6, 2012

Dear Journal 4-6-12

Dear Journal:


I have missed you so! I am sorry that I have neglect you as of late, but my schedule consists of what feels like never ending days which are still not long enough to do all the things I need and want to do, I am exhausted!


I have a confession to make because I feel that the only way I can feel better about the things I do that I know are not right, is by telling you, it is almost as if I am confessing my sins that I commit to eyes that will never say what they read and minds that will never judge my wrong doings, for I am human and as such have faults, some that I am not proud of and wish I could change.  I try everyday journal, it is a never ending journey of self improvement!


Three nights ago as I laid in my bed with tears in my eyes, I could not help but to think of him! YES HIM! the one I can never let go of for some crazy reason! Even as I write this entry, my eyes are getting watery, I cannot control my emotions when my thoughts are of him, him..... the name, the one you already know all to well, his name..... Benjamin Nunez! (that's not his real name) http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2010/12/omg-my-first-blog-entry.html


I had not contacted him in a really long time, but I felt that I just could not control my urge, sometimes, I feel this deep sad feeling in my heart and when I do, I let it take control of me, I let it out (cry it out) and then let it go, it is important in my opinion to experience our sadness and allow those feelings to come to surface.  The key is to do so and release and move on and that is exactly what I did.  I cried, I wiped my tears and then I fell into a deep sleep and woke up a new woman ready for a new day and a new challenge.


Of course as I predicted, he never got back to me, but that is ok, because I know that one day, he and I will meet again and when we do, he will look at me and talk to me as if nothing has ever happened, however, I know that deep inside of himself he will know the truth.  I don't care that he lies to the world and me, because no matter what he does, he has to live with the truth in his mind and heart for he is not made of rock or wood. 


Anyway, what I wrote to him was nothing crazy and because he did not respond to me, I will share that short letter with you below, after all, this is my own therapy and if I must share with the world my troubles of love then maybe I can finally heal from the loss that was so absolutely incredibly hurtful to me that I still haven't been able to completely overcome it.  For you my journal, I will put on these pages my shame so that maybe next time I think of sending that man who does not deserve my love a message again, I can think of you and know that what I am doing is completely wrong and that I need to continue to remember that I need to love myself more.  


Additionally, since his eyes do not deserve to read my loving words which he has ignored for so many years, I feel that I want to share those beautiful feelings that come from the deepest of my heart and soul, with you my lovely journal.  At least on here, if anyone should ever come across this page, they will appreciate that I have felt a love so true, that I am not ashamed or embarrassed because that is quite honestly the most beautiful thing one can feel.   Below is my letter of shame or letter of love, which ever fits best your taste....


Dear Love:

From you I learned two very valuable things.

1. How to truly love
2. How to shelter myself from ever feeling that again.

Thank you for both.

I write to you tonight with Tears in my eyes and tonight as I was heading to writers workshop which I went for absolutely no reason because I went to the wrong building and missed the whole free class, I was in full sweat gear and thought to myself.... Wow! When did I become him?

To my defense, I've been a sweat suit girl all of my life, I have proof! So, since I'm older, when did you become me?

You don't write anymore, what happened? No inspiration? How I love thee let me count the ways!

I hope that girl, that has my love, is treating you kindly!

Maybe tonight you will visit me in my dreams.

******************************************************
Please enjoy this lovely Dido Song - White Flag


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-fWDrZSiZs&ob=av2e

What happens in Vegas!

 Dear Journal - I know it has been sometime since I last wrote but as of late, my life has been pretty busy! I came on here tonight to write...