Soulmate Friend

 Wrote this in September 2022

Some come some go but some stay forever more!

I've known you so many years and I would cry so many tears....

And now look at us go, finally two friends no foul no foe.

I can't believe it took this long, but I'm so happy that we will be forever sure!

That our souls have been connected through time, that we love each other through all the tough times

I'm so glad that it was you, who gave me that one tattoo! 

So intimate so loving so sweet, my friend you sure are unique!

I knew there was a reason I met you, all those years ago!

I know I will never forget you and we will be friends forever more!

No intention

 Journal -

It's been a while, I don't have much to report honestly other than I will be traveling this summer and am really looking forward to it.  I've also been working so much I'm usually exhausted and barely have time to write or do much else for that matter. I've been working really hard on my selflove something I realize I've never had, I have pretty much let people walk all over me my whole life and I know why but I am not going to share it on here because that's why my book is already being thought out.  Actually last night I was hanging out with my friend who is a writer and we started planning out my book ideas etc.  I'm stocked that my friend can help me with it as it has been on my mind for years and I am finally going to start bringing it to fruition.  I gave myself 5 years to write it because the subject is hard and real and truly me, so it will take time to write something that is true. What else..... Not much else journal I keep saying that I am going to post some poems I wrote at the end of last year so her is one of them.  I called it no intention.

Written Sept. 2022

I have no intentions no no not anymore, it feels silly to continue to think of you and me forever more. 

Your touch your smell and all the things that you do well, will be forever in my memory, I have a new tale to tell. 

I choose to let it go because I know the truth, that I’m a game you played someone to take some space until you found what you needed. I’m sorry I didn’t measure up, I feel so bad for you because you’ve given up. 

Like me there will be no other and I promise you will never fully recover. You will always remember my smile, my soft skin, how happy you were when you would see me. 

Good luck forever is what I wish for you, but you will no longer make me feel blue. I choose to let it go because there is no reason for me to spend more time with you for yet another season. 

I am happy now because I finally see, that I am better off away from thee.

*********************************************************************************

I leave you you with Shakira - Monotonia - Lately I've been listening to her old and new music, she has so many great songs! Colombian queen she is! Also, I saw her at the airport years ago in Mexico city, Mexico, when she wasn't as famous and she is petit and very beautiful in person.

Where are thou my Romeo!

 Dear Journal -

As always, I think of you all the time, but life is always so busy for me lately that I don't ever have time to do this that I love so much! Lately, life has been pretty weird, I've never felt this way before and I don't know why, but there are days that I want to just run as fast as I can and never come back.  Of course I have always felt this way, this is why I have moved around so very much in my lifetime and to be hones if I were 30, I would be living in Paris! OH PARIS!!! I will see you again next year and I cannot wait! I LOVED Paris so very much! it was New York but with both old and new! with a different language and a lot of history! Kings and Queens and all the things I love from the Renaissance period.  Sometimes I think that I lived back then, but was only a peasant. 

So journal, I have a lot to tell you but I'm really tired.  I decided that instead of writing some long drawn out entry, I decided to post a poem I wrote in May of 2022.  I am working with my therapist on learning how to trust and feel safe, feeling safe is within and if I can't feel safe within, then how can I ever feel ok wherever I am? lots of work to do journal! but each day is a new day to work harder on oneself and be better than yesterday.  I leave you with my poem.....

Where are thou my Romeo!

One day, there will be no tears, no fears, no trust issues, no scary thoughts. 

The sky blue and clear, the one, he will be near. I know somewhere out there he is, why is he always kept so far from me…. 

Where are you my true love! Will I ever feel your tender touch? I yearn for your true kiss, and all the moments that we have missed! I can’t wait to make you smile, I’ve been waiting for you for quite a while!

I dream of you everyday! How will you look? How will you smell? What will you say? Will my trust issues and fears drive you away? 

Oh where oh where are thou my Romeo!

Are you on top of a mountain or out in the sea! 

I’m tired of helping please come and help me!

Why have you been kept away from me?

I'll leave you with.......

More than a woman from the Bee Gees.  

I love music and dancing! this is one of my FAVORITE classic movies.  It was actually filmed in my old neighborhood in Bayridge Brooklyn NY.  There is a scene where a car drives right past the last  building I lived in.  I noticed it the last time I watched the movie and it was so cool to see how that street looked in the 70's.  I LOVE how they dance, such beautiful art dancing is!

Crying heart - Poem

I wrote this poem on Oct 27, 2017 - after a break up.........

My heart is crying and every tear has your name on it, my sweet love where did we fail? 

How will this love ever change ever go away, when it’s been you in my mind everyday.  I hurt so bad for your love, I miss hearing those words  please don’t ever leave my side, please love me as your love is what keeps me alive! Please my love, don't go away...............

A broken heart

Poem - Written on 9/30/20

My heart is aching, why my love, where did we go wrong? Was I too much? Where you to much? In what world could we have been better? Your lips I will always miss, the tender kisses we often shared, the love we showed each other when no one else was there.

Oh my love, my heart it aches, no one but you could take away this pain, but now I know that it wasn’t true, the words you used were all so painful, like stabs to my heart with wooden splinters from an unfinished table. I will never remember the wonderful moments for those leave our memories once the heart is broken.

Oh my love what will I do with out you? I don’t know this world anymore, for my world was you and now you are gone!

The man from B5

Dear Journal:

Although this morning the weather is really gray, the reason for me feeling gray inside has absolutely nothing to do with it, actually, I rather enjoy gloomy days as they make me feel peaceful and lazy and that in turn makes me think of sleeping which in turn makes me think of cuddling, which in turn makes me think of my 5 year old daughter (since she is my cuddle buddy) and thinking about my little baby always brings joy to my heart! Ok… sorry about the tangent! Me always do that!

So as I was saying, the reason for my sadness is a bunch of things some which I sort of want to keep buried deep inside and pretend that they don’t affect me, but I can however say this.  There is going to be a great deal of change in my life which I am happy to embrace but scared all at the same time.  I feel like I am ready yet part of me wishes deep down that the change would not be as drastic as it will be, although change is good, it’s also very scary.

Last night I had the magnificent pleasure of hanging out with someone that is extremely extremely special to me, and although I was given by him specific instructions never to write about him again, he will have to understand that this is my journal and that I write about special things and special people and shitty things and shitty people also if I have too, I don’t think he understands how significant you are to me journal, and that the fact that I write about him means he is pretty darn significant to me, no matter how weird sometimes I find that to be and no matter how hard I try to suppress it.  I have shared a significant amount of memories about him all over these pages, which makes him very very special. 

Yes maybe he and I have not had the best sort of friendship that two people can share, actually, I have no idea if I am even allowed to call him friend, since to him that word is very meaningful, but quite honestly I have to say that if nothing else, I learned from him all sorts of things and I should hope that from me he learned a thing or two also.  Regardless of the fact that our one year “relationship” or “friendship” has been tumultuous to say the least, we have none the less, some sort of connection that sometimes I find it difficult to explain or describe. 

One thing that I remembered last night while I was helping him do somethings he had to do, was that he and I have this dynamic that I can’t even explain, it’s just this thing that is greater than us and it’s something that I genuinely believe we both know and we both try to fight.  Maybe however, this is all just in my mind and I am just making it up as he said I often have done in the past, maybe he is right and I should believe that my theories about him or us are all wrong, but, I know what I feel when he is around and that feeling is not one that I feel when any other man is around me, so because I am honest always to myself and others, I must say that the dynamic I feel is always amazing, especially when we share some random night, morning, afternoon, just because life in that moment brought us together without any plan or explanation and we just become us, the two people we really are around each other, the dopey, goofy, funny, singers, dancers, fighters, defenders, liars, schemers, deceivers, defenders and detectives!

When it’s us two in a good day, morning or afternoon, when we are “we” we are pretty awesome and after we share those random moments which always seem to happen for some unexplained reason, after he is gone, I feel this empty space that I don’t want anyone else to fill and yet I know and understand that I have to let the magical moment pass and not question or wonder, but just be.  So yes journal, today I am feeling blue and this time he didn’t do a thing wrong, we didn’t fight, he didn’t upset me, I didn’t upset him, but life just happened and life broke my heart.

I wish I could say that I will never write about him again and that instead I will do as he instructed me and start writing about the garbage men I saw this morning picking up the furniture that was left last night by the fire hydrant.  I wish I could say that after we hugged and he drove away I did not cry on my way up the stairs of my building, I wish I could say that I have forgotten it all, but I cannot, because this is my life and I like to write and if he keeps his promise and visits me once a year, I am sure I will write about him again, so sorry Wilford, but Jazzy can’t stop writing about you! you inspire me in a way that others can’t, so sorry Wilford! and even if you don’t thank me for my poems, because “you won’t encourage me to keep doing it” I do it because this is what I love to do and I wrote about you, even before I met you…. Dare to dream my friend………

He told me last night that he is sure it won't be hard to find someone new to inspire me.  He doesn't know how wrong he is. It isn't every one that crosses my path, that I stare from a far, I write a story about without even knowing who he is and then he becomes a reality in my life, right before my eyes. How else can I explain the laws of life and or attraction if not by sharing these things that I manifest into my reality, these almost phenomenon that constantly happen to me just cause. No, it won't be really easy to find someone to inspire me again, but I am sure that one day, it will happen. I dare to dream again!

Journal, I leave you with a poem.  For you Wilford!

The man from B5

By: Jazzy

The man in B5, made me laugh, made me cry...

And on that last night there could be no good bye.  For those last hours were spent there with me, it was almost as if life had just made it be. 

And on that last night through little white lies a promise was made.  That one day he’d go and spend time with me there, and that on that day it would be a grand big affair! That we would walk, we would laugh as only we do! down the road up the hill, over mountains, we'd see, the wonderful natural beauty of God, the breath taking planes, and the wonderful sky! and oh my goodness what is that which we see? It’s that sort of tree oh this place is for me!

And hours will come and hours will go, Just him and just I, us sing and us dance!  I’ll ruffle his feathers and keep him together.  He’ll keep me from dreaming and being a fool.  Together we’ll smile it will last for a while, together at last together we'll be, together at last just he and just me.

And we both will tell truths and we both will tell lies, and we both will not know why we once said goodbye.  Oh boy one more time I will have him near! and he won’t remember that what I said was clear, that dreams do come true remember please dear! that I held him, I smelled him and kissed his soft lips.

And then I’ll remember how on that last night, he hugged me real tight and it felt just so right! together always in my memory we'll be! the man from B5, just he! and just me!

Painting by Claude Monet - Me like him very very much!

Dear Journal - 6-19-13 The Mean Man

Dear Journal -

The word neglect can't even describe fully how I have almost abandoned you, so sorry sweet journal, but Jazzy has been so busy living and memorizing words like acetylcholine, yes I barely know how to pronounce it myself! anyway, I've been so busy trying to learn a million things at the speed of light, that writing has been the last thing on my list, writing, something that should always be on the top of the list.

I'm afraid I am lacking inspiration lately, I feel like I am missing something or like I've become almost numb of my emotions, they are just not all there lately.  It's this force I feel, this drive to keep my focus, that's almost made me mechanical.  A lot of times I'm moving in auto pilot and sometimes, I just straight up crash.

What can I tell you dear journal that might be of some sort of profound meaning? Hmm let me see..... Well, there is this one thing I would like to notate on this my sweet journal as a reminder to love thy self.  There was a man that I have written about in the past who I had very strong romantic feelings for, and while my feelings were not those of, OH MY GOSH I love this man so much! They were definitely up there with, man! I could actually picture myself with this person, that of course was a brief picture in my mind all based on "picture perfect" couple stereotypes, does that make sense? What I mean with that is that this man and I should we have taken a picture together and sent it around to people, everyone would say something like.... Wow! What a lovely looking couple! Like we genuinely would have looked really great together! I even think that if for one second, this man would of given me half a chance, he would of probably found a wonderful friend, lover and partner!  but instead, this person judged me from the start and put me in all sorts of stereotypes based on his past experiences with other women, never truly giving me a fair chance.  When I say that, I mean not even a chance to be a friend.

So, what I learned from this experience is that no matter how nice I am genuinely, people always seem to take my kindness for weakness and they do not treat me with respect, they are mean to me.  And when I say they, I'm pretty much referring to men, because obviously there is no reason for a woman to be mean to me, and if a woman is mean to me, then I will just move on from her also.  Relationships no matter what type of relationship it is, requires respect.  I will respect and be honest and treat you kind, if you offer me the same treatment, if you don't, then I no longer know you.

Journal, I leave you with a little poem I wrote after I saw the man who was mean to me.  Tonight on my way home from school, I was writing this entry on the train and right after, i bumped into him.  When I saw him, I had to pretend, I no longer know him, because he has not been very nice to Jazzy, I love all people, but I cannot love right, if I don't love myself first.

Unfair

By: Jazzy

Ignoring hurts me more than it hurts you, because it brings out a part of me that I do not like to see, so I cried because you drove me to bring out this side of me, this side that I do not like to see, a part that I keep deep inside, a part that only mean will make come alive.

So I saw you standing there, and pretended that I had never seen your stare, and acted as if I didn't know you, and walked passed as if nothing had been shared, because all along you had been unfair, and you brought out this part of me, a part that I did not like to see, and I walked by and left you there, because all along you had always been unfair.

So I walked away and never looked back, and I felt happy and then I felt sad, for you brought out a side of me that I did not like to see, because all along you had been mean to me and all along you had misjudged me and all along I tried to be nice and all along I had to pay the price and all I ever wanted was to be nice and all along I had to pay the price, but that day I left you standing there, because all along you had been unfair, I never want to see your face, I never want to share your embrace, I never want to see your smile, I never want to know you for a while, I never knew you before, I never saw you again, I never want to see your smile, I never want to see you around, so I left you standing there, because you were always so unfair.

Dear Journal: A Gift from Lily

"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone.  Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone" ~ Orson Welles

Dear Journal: 

A bunch of things have been happening in my life that I for many reasons don't really want to write to you about at the moment, the reason why I don't want to write about them, is because sometimes I get this strange feeling like others eyes fall upon you and pry on my thoughts and therefore I sometimes feel hesitant to share.  Imagine......... someone else reading you, the trill that I feel at that thought makes me want to cry, laugh, run, scream! how lovely is it to know that somewhere out there someone reads you and shares my life with me in some sort of wonderful way! thank you!

Journal, lately I have been thinking about God quite a lot, I feel like I am goint through some sort of spiritual transformation that I don't quite know how to describe, but I must say that what I have read is true, there are signs in the universe that we must pay attention to and when we do so, we discover amazing things and amazing people, love is amazing.

Below is a poem that I wrote for someone in my buidling that past away.  She was an elderly woman that I don't believe I ever had the pleasure of meeting or speaking to, yet she touched my life in a special way and it's too long to write, but I just need to say that wishes do come true, that what you ask for you really do get and that all it takes is a lot of faith and a lot of love, tis that simple.

One last thought, I did not know her name, but I found something with the name Lily, so I decided to give my little poem that name.



A gift from Lily

Lily so lovely are thou, and now you lay in Lily pads with lily flowers, the color blue would not describe you, oh lily where or where are you, and lily are you feeling blue?

And lily where can you be? And Lily I have your bed, and Lily you were so brave, and Lily if you only knew how much in this moment I so love you,

and thank you Lily for your gift and thank you Lily you'll be missed and oh Ms. Lily don't forget, because of you we have a bed, and thank you Lily you are so kind, and oh Ms. Lily you are divine.

Rest in peace lily.

This pic was taken on 5/13







THE CREEP

He creeps up on you without any notice, and just when you thought he was gone, you turn and there he is, right next to you, what, huh, it never happened, don't talk to me, no, please stay......

You creep, how can you think it is easy, to come back just like that, to creep up on me like a thief in the night, who comes inside, covers your mouth and looks in your eyes.  And you thief, yes you stole, I feel anger I feel scared, I feel fear I feel desire, I feel burning I feel tired.  I can't fight, please just take me, I'm scared this desire, this burning, this yearning...Creep you repulse me, no I want you, it hurts…

I’m not your friend creep, I’m not your friend.  I’m not your lover, I’m not your neighbor, I’m not the same.  And your presence confuses me and your presence hurts and your presence disturbs me and your presence burns and I want you near me and I want you far and your constantly in me but I want you gone.

This fight, this fight, this fight inside, I hate you creep, I hate you so, I want you creep, please don’t ever go.

Go creep! Disappear! Abra kadabra and your near, go creep don’t come near, you hurt me for so long. Go creep, leave me, stay here please don't go.

 

Go creep just leave me, pretend we never were, go go stay away I just want you really far, no please, please don't go I want you to stay, why can't I just forget.  Stay far hold me close, stay far please don’t go, stay far, please be near, I can’t deal with all this fear.  

 I’m confused, I am scared, stay away, just stay scared.  You’re the creep who hurt me, please forgive me go away, you’re the creep who hurt me, I beg you please lets forget.

Dear Journal - 4-22-13

At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet ~ Plato

Dear Journal:

You must think that I have forgotten you! but fear not my true love, for you are always present in my thoughts, what will I write next to you I often think.  I’ve been feeling so inspired lately, it’s the Spring that brings this deep joy to my heart and when I feel this way, my mind is going in all kinds of directions and I try to find a place where I can sit still for a moment and remember and cherish and savor a moment a moment in time a moment that is just for me and my thoughts and him, him…… His name? Benjamin Nunez!

Oh YES! How can you think I would never write about him again? For he has been the main character of my novel for nearly six years now.  Yes, this novel, the one I call my life.  I have to write my novel, because if I don't, than how can it ever be real? I have to write my novel on these pages I call my journal, the one that knows all and nothing, so many things I can not share, so many secrets I have to keep from you sometimes, when? when will I be able to tell you all? all the secrets that only I know! but I do think of you each and every day and I wonder where I will take you, I wonder where we will go together in my life and I think of stories I don’t have time to write.  And the moments past and life happens and the words just stay inside, words that need to come out and on to this page.   

Yes of course I still think of him almost daily, for so long he was all the love that I knew, and all the love that I wanted and all the love that I could give.  But I have moved on I think sort of, and there are days that I forget he lives but then there are moments when I remember and in those moments I don’t feel bad about it, but instead I embrace them, I feel them and I let them go.  In this moment, I am writing to you to tell you the following….

The other morning I was on the train.  It was a beautiful beautiful Spring morning and I was wearing a new outfit I bought.  Pink skirt, white tank and a pink cardigan, me Jazzy wearing all that pink, I used to hate pink.  I sat on the train and all of a sudden I looked at my skirt and thought, oh wow! Spring! I sure do love thee! And then the thought of him took control of me, so many mornings had passed that I did not do that, you know, wake up thinking of him and for so long that is all I ever did, so many mornings I woke up thinking of him…I would say that maybe about 1,460 mornings if not more.  WOW! 1,460 mornings, that’s a whole lot of mornings.  Anyway, in that moment when I thought of him, I pulled out my iPhone and I wrote a poem, a poem for him.  I was going to put it on here sooner, but then when I went back to retrieve it, it was gone, I nearly cried because I was so upset that my poem had disappeared and I didn’t remember it all, but I did remember some parts, but it’s never the same, it’s not the same when it just flows through me like magic words, but I wanted to remember that morning, maybe it was last week, so I re-wrote the poem this morning or whatever I remembered of it and I tweaked it and cried a few times while writing it.  So many mornings, about 1,460 of them, that was a whole lot of mornings…. Him…. Benjamin Nunez! http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2010/12/omg-my-first-blog-entry.html

I hope you will like my poem journal.

Spring

Maybe in the Spring she said, said she maybe in the Spring.  And Spring sprung and Springs came and Springs gone and his face she never saw, but the memory of it stayed like the lyrics of a song

And one Spring morning as she thought of him, with her eyes closed she saw him there, for his face forever emblazoned in her mind.  His lips the color of Spring cherry blossom flowers.  Those eyes, OH! those eyes, so dark and deep and crisp like a Spring evening, and the time in the Spring when she looked in them, a shimmer of crystal, the sparkle of a galaxy of stars, the eyes that told her nothing, the eyes of a secret on Spring night.

Springs came and Springs left and his cherry blossom lips she never kissed, but in her memory still his face and in her heart still a trace, for he had her for so long or maybe still, for he had not gone, and the Spring would not reveal that it wasn't just in her mind it had all been so real.

And Spring she said, and Springs came and Springs sprung and Springs left and Springs gone.  And a boom of Spring flowers and a tiny bud of her love.  The love she once knew, a love so true, it was magic what they shared and no one would ever care, for only Spring could reveal, that their love had been so real.  

The man in the cloud

And you sat looking down, always in your own cloud, and as I looked at you from a far, I couldn't see where you were.

You were a wish that came true, for I had wished for you, the day I first set eyes on you.

But you were better from a far, to look, not touch and leave you where you were.

So I hid behind the stairs and hoped that you wouldn't see me there, because deep down I had always been scared and from a far, you seemed to be fair.

But there you were sitting down, and I watched you as you looked down, yet you didn't know that I was around, because you were always in your cloud.

And it all started one night, with a dance, with a kiss, with a touch with a glance, and a moment of perfection, that put me back in the right direction.

The life that I once knew, even before I wished for you, except I always knew, I wasn't the girl for you.

So I watched you from a far, wondering where you were, what once was will never be, but you brought me back to reality...

Thank you.

SUICIDE

Dear Journal:

Friday night, I sit at my table thinking of drawing a picture tonight, maybe I will, or maybe I will lay my body on my bed rest and watch a movie, something to make me cry, I feel like I want to.

Today was a lovely day, I have not heard from my love, yet I know he is near, I can almost feel him, his deep thoughts, his doubts, his fears.  Why are we always so afraid to just be? And then on my way home, happily I bought myself beautiful yellow flowers, they lit up my life and made me smile, I also made the guy behind the counter smile by asking him to please wrap up my flowers right, because they were for a very special lady.  

Spring will soon be here and I feel the heat in my heart, body and soul, I get so excited at the thought of Spring, my all time favorite! then, I was walking out of the subway and I looked ahead, and there he was, someone who deeply hurt me.  I remember how in days past, he would brighten up my day and make me smile, now I can only watch him walk from afar, because the wounds are so deep, that I have no more words.  Instead, I simply watched as he walked ahead, and I thought nothing, all I could do was send him good wishes, and hope for him that he will get the very best life has to offer, for I will never hold a grudge and I will always love another human being, no matter what. 

Nothing much more to report, other than sometimes my mind goes in all sorts of crazy directions and I have to run after it to catch it and bring it back, back to me, back to my body, back to this moment..... THE ONLY ONE THAT TRULY COUNTS.

Dearest Journal, I leave you with a poem, I handed this one in as part of an assignment.  My professor said he liked it, his comment on my paper was.... GOOD WORK!.....THANK YOU PROFESSOR!

NOTE: PLEASE DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!

SUICIDE

There it is, the iron horse, it's coming toward me....WHAT IF I JUMP! Will I feel the pain, will it be over in a second, what will I think as my body is mutilated into pieces, the faces of those who witness.  JUMP!

I sit on the fire scape, I look down and wonder...WHAT IF I JUMP! Will I feel the wind soothing my skin as I go down, or will the fall be too fast, my body hitting cement, the agony, the broken bones, will it be over at once, will it burn, will it scrape...JUMP!

Standing on the bridge, look at all that water....WHAT IF I JUMP! Will I feel the wind soothing my skin as I go down, or will the fall be too fast, my body hitting the water, the stabbing of it on my skin, pins and needles and burning, will I feel it, or will my neck crack and all is over....JUMP!

I stand and stare at the gun, there it is, grab it!....PULL THE TRIGGER! Will my brains splatter all over the wall, will I have time to think of anything at all, will someone throw up at the site....PULL THE TRIGGER!

On my car I speed down the highway, I just want to go all the way, go fast go fearless just go put your foot all the way down on the peddle! Put your foot down on the peddle! END IT NOW!....Will I feel anything as I fly through the windshield, will the wind sooth the burning of the glass on my body, will the bones crack and I'll hear it... PUT YOUR FOOT ALL THE WAY DOWN ON THE PEDDLE!

I sit on the ski lift on my way up, I look down at the snow, so pretty the snow, so pretty! JUMP DOWN! Will I feel the wind soothing my skin, will the cold of the snow free me from pain, will I live to share the pain....JUMP!

THE PRESENT..A POEM BY: KRYSTIN MILLER

Dear Journal:

As promised, below is one of the poems one of my classmates wrote as an assignment for our creative writing class.  I also want to post one more that was written by another classmate, but she left class last night before I could ask her.  Can I just say that being around all these young creative individuals is really awesome! I love the fact that they see the world with fresh eyes.  Most of my classmates are probably half my age, yet I truly respect their opinions, some are really passionate about their ideas.  I truly enjoy being around them and being able to learn from them.  Remember journal, everything and everyone in front of us is our teacher!

The Present
By: Krystina Miller

Future, stop playing hard to get.

if i believed in eternity i'd become a wedding planner
speaking of bullshit,
Flowers shouldn't cost so much money.
Nature shouldn't cost so much money.

there's such little color in the city
if i wanted everlasting dark i'd just turn off my Sun
i feel so bad for the shivering Dogs scraping the concrete after they piss

i never wanted my feet fettered in shoes to protect me from the Earth

nor my Beans to be canned


******************************************************

The Blocked Call

Dear Journal:

I was on a poem mission trying to write some poems for my creative writing class and I came up with a few, actually more than I needed to.  I want to put them all on here, because they mean something special to me.  I found inspiration to write them, by thinking of specific individuals, not always the same person, but rather, different people.  I really enjoyed writing them.  I randomly write poems, because sometimes I am thinking of some random subject and they just come to me, it's a lot of fun.  I hope someone else will read this poem and feel as if they can relate to what I was feeling when I wrote it.  Enjoy!

THE BLOCKED CALL

The words are meaningless if said from a far, so many questions, trying to live this moment but in my mind always you, the morning the sun beaming, the night the moon shinning.  I love you, how? Why is it your laughter that makes me smile.

Today, yesterday, tomorrow, last month, you, you and only you... You give me little to keep me breathing, just enough food to keep me needy, just enough to have me there, I want to get you back for this I fucking swear!

The blocked number you knew it was me, you had to answer it to make sure and see, it filled you also I have a strong hold, what can I do to make you whole? This passion without you, how can it exist, this craving to touch you, to hold you to make you mine, what a burning sensation you make me feel, what anxious craving you make me ill. 

I knew what you would say because I know you, you knew what I would say because you know me too.  I don't understand it I still don't know how, for I am confused what do I do now? please talk to me tell me all, please come back to me and make me whole.

I took this pic from my bedroom window...2-27-12 with my iphone... I love you moon!