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Saturday, November 13, 2021

Jazzy's Bio

 Dear Journal -

When I first started writing this journal almost 11 years ago, I had a little bio about myself and they made some changes at some point to blogger and my short bio disappeared. I don't even recall what it said, it was something like a mother, student, life long learner.  

While I was on my flight going to Colombia and usually on any flight I get on, my iPhone and start writing.  On the flight to Colombia I was thinking about my journal and how I had neglected you for a really long time and how being back on here writing felt like me and how much I love this little piece of me.  So, I decided to write a bio.  I just posted it on the main page but it's really long so I will have to keep working on it to make it shorter, but I wanted to put it on these pages as part of my journal page as I will need it for later referencing.  

While I'm on here writing, I have to report that I've had a very weird week, as well as challenging and emotional! (shocker!).  I had a really rough day the other day at work and I can't really go into details about it here, but it made me think and question whether I'm doing the right type of work or not.  My heart tells me that I am, my mind tells me that I need to make changes. I also thought to myself that if by the time my granddaughter is 5 I haven't met someone and am not in a serious relationship here in CO, I will likely move back to the east coast.  I know that's really sort of stupid basing such a huge decision like moving back home on my love life, but I think that if I am going to be true to myself, then that's how I am feeling right now, if in 5 years I'm still sitting here alone on my bed without anyone to love, I'm moving back home, because at least at home, I have lots of family and by then, my granddaughter will be bigger and can visit me for the summer and my son will be older and more mature and will not need me as much as he may be needing me now (for support that is and not financially, just support).  Anyway, I thought about these things this week because I was having a really rough week, non of this is set in stone, but as my Psychology professor once told us, always have a 5 year plan, always be working toward something, it doesn't need to happen exactly how you planned it and always be open to changes, as humans we need a plan and a purpose.  

Journal, without further a-do here is my very short bio: copied and pasted from my iPhone. 

Proud mother of 3 wonderful children who are no longer kids but will always be my babies. Grandmother to a beautiful baby girl. Born in Colombia, S.A. my parents migrated to Brooklyn, NY when I was 3 and left me in Colombia with my amazing grandparents.  They brought me to the states when I was 6 and I lived in Brooklyn, NY from the age of 6 until the age of 14 when we moved to Queens, NY.  I attended HS first in Queens, NY then finished my HS education at an alternative HS in the Lower East Side of Manhattan. Received my Bachelors in Psychology from the City University of New York, Brooklyn College. Currently I am a Social Caseworker in Colorado, working with justice involved youth. I’ve been writing journals ever since I can recall knowing how to write. I love to write.  I share my life with others with the purpose and hope that whomever comes across these pages they may find something that resonates with them and with hopes that people feel that what they may experience and go through in life is not very different than what I go through. I share my feelings, struggles, ever changing love life, and thoughts to let others know that we are all so closely alike.  My hope almost 11 years ago when I started this blog, was to have lots of women readers, but it turns out that I get more men readers, I am not sure why.  Thank you for visiting my journal. Please feel free to leave a comment or thought, I love interacting with others and sharing ideas!

I will leave you with, one of the first rap songs I heard as a kid.  Sugar Hill Gang - Rappers Delight.

Tuesday, November 9, 2021

All because of you

Dear Journal -

I've been planning to come up with a second cuddle buddy application but I've been so tired and busy I haven't had time to really sit around give it enough thought.  There isn't a lot going on to write about to be honest, lately for some reason I have been listening to a lot of R&B music and posting some of it on my snapchat story because I have to say I am really liking snapchat, it's just cool the way is set up and I enjoy all the little memes it has.  

I had set up a snapchat account years ago when I first met my ex and neither he or I could get into it so neither one of us had it, then one day he had went to California (that's where he grew up) to visit his family and when he got back I see that he has snapchat and I'm like, why do you have snapchat all of a sudden? and he's like, oh I only use it to talk to my cousin from New Mexico, WELL... He was actually using it to talk to the woman he cheated on me with (fucking hoe bag) sorry journal! but that girl had a man and was cheating on her man with my man! wtf! UGH! every now and then I will see some girl that kind of sort of resembles her and I have to do a double take, like.... is that her? anyway, didn't get on here tonight to talk about that whole situation. Anywho, once he and I broke up I got snapchat again and was using it a little but now I use it more often and learned how to use it so it's fun!

Today I was posting a bunch of music I was listening to and it dawned on me that one of the people I have on there as a friend is someone that I sort of kind of had a something with, he and I still talk but just like chat here and there and today, I was like oh fuck! this dude might think I'm posting that music and it's being directed at him! One thing about him is that he SWEARS I'm crazy about him! LMFAOOOO.  I don't know if he knows about this journal and if he ever comes on here and reads it, but if he ever does, I assure you journal that I'm not crazy about him.  I am not crazy about anyone but myself! 

I did go on a date last weekend and it was probably the worse most unhappy date ever! UGH! this is EXACTLY why I don't waste my time! like you are sitting there being all pleasant with someone you have absolutely no interest in what's so ever only because "that's what needs to happen" in order to meet someone to maybe love at some point, yea no! it's just a waste of time! after my horrid date, I went and met up with my friend D, who I love and who told me he reads you journal! and told me that he thought I had a lot of interesting stories and thinks I should definitely write a book one day! AWE!!!! I love that kid! thank you D if you are reading this! (insert smiley face here).  

Anytime someone tells me they read my journal it really fills my heart with joy, because that just means that people are interested in knowing, what is going on in Jazzy's world? unfortunately lately there isn't anything to exciting to report as the dating scene has been sour! BUT, I do keep trying and I do keep chatting and I do still believe that somewhere out there, my true love is running around with all the wrong wenches! 

Journal, without anything further to report, I will leave you with the song that I can't seem to stop listening too......... And it doesn't make me think of my snapchat friend, who probably thinks that I was posting it directing it at him........NOPE! if I have a song that makes me think of you, I'll send it on over! I have nothing to hide or loose! 

Ne-Yo - All because of you

Monday, November 1, 2021

There's something about Tinder!

"Dating is a lot like fishing, sometimes catch and release is the best method" 

Dear Journal -

I have been so tired lately! it's been so stressful with all the work that I have and just all the pieces that need to be completed in the type of work that I do, furthermore, my work can be an emotional roller coaster, It's like I can't work without emotions because I work with youth and the more that I get to know them, the more I love them and think of them as my own, so it gets tough to try and separate.  My oldest son and middle son don't want me to do this job anymore, but I feel like my work has only just began and that I have to stay in this role for some time, I am not sure for how long, but a part of me feels like I just can't move from it, because I feel that if I left and went to do something else, I would really miss these kids.  Most of them are all over the place and I always tell them this.... It's ok if you feel all over the place! I'm 50 and I'm all over the place! it's how you deal with each situation that matters, it's learning how to cope that's important.  I genuinely think most of these kids have love for me, they are just all so very special in their own way and I really enjoy being around them and learning from them, my favorite part is that they think they know it all, and in my head I'm always like..... if you only knew what is still to come! jeez!

Anyway, I was with one of the girls that is on my caseload the other day, and she was like, can we pick up my boyfriend? so I'm like, sure and then jokingly I'm like, but no kissing in my car! I don't need to be reminded that I haven't been kissing anyone in God knows how long at this point! so she's like fine I won't kiss in your car, but we need to find you a man! hahahahaha....she's like, are you on any dating sites? so I'm like, well I was on tinder but I got off a few weeks ago and she goes, tinder? do you not know that's a hook up site! oh my God! this kid had me laughing so hard because these kids they are just so real with me sometimes, and that is what I LOVE about my job! I love that these kids the ones that I have the pleasure of working with, they are just REAL! and even the ones that have lied to me about stuff, at some point tell me they lied to me to which I say, yea I know! I was just waiting for you to tell me the truth.  

Anyway, talking to her made me laugh but also made me miss tinder kind of sort of, especially because I got so many FB page followers off of that site. I am also on some other random sites, but that one specifically got me some good following on my FB page, so many, that last month (October) I got over 200 hits on my blog, that's really good! I only write 1x a week, I basically say nothing remotely important sometimes not even entertaining, yet off my tinder I got a bunch of new FB likes which in turn creates curiosity which in turn gets people clicking on my blog (thank you by the way!).  I don't know who is reading my stuff unless they tell me or unless they comment which I don't get comments, but I've gotten emails on my FB page from men that have read stuff on my blog and I've also gotten emails on tinder from men talking to me about stuff I've written which makes me feel really happy, because I think back of when I started this blog and the efforts that I put into it and I've been re-reading some of my posts and I'm like.... awe! I remember when that happened and I've also cried at some of the posts I wrote and I've also forgotten some of the things I've written so I just love you so much journal!

The thing is that being on dating sites gets exhausting and then there are the assholes that want to say things that make my blood boil and then there are the ones that live thousands of miles away talking about I will fly to you just to see you! ...... UM... YEA! OK! this girl right here will never do long distance ever again! The other thing is that everyone I match with is in Denver or like miles away and ain't nobody got time to be driving all kinds of miles to see people or I don't know, I'm just not feeling it lately, I also have been feeling very like, lazy about getting to know anyone or any of that shit, so I don't know, while part of me wants to "stay in the game" the other part of me is like, who gives a shit if anyone is reading my posts? this is MY JOURNAL! I love this journal!

In other Jazzy news, I told my friend the story of Benjamin Nunez! remember him? my inspiration for this journal? anyway, I told her the brief version of the story how I was his "stalker" except he pretty much lead me on, the whole time I "stalked him" and then how at the end when we saw each other again he said stuff like.... OH YEA, I SAW THAT! when I made a reference to something I had posted on either twitter or FB, and then how he was like..... it was SO HARD, not to respond to you! really asshole? was it hard for you to continue to play with my head with your posts? let's be honest here, we both did this to each other and the game ends now! which it did, after we took a class together for 6 or 8 weeks (can't remember) then I told her how every week during our class breaks I would run outside to central park and cry because being around him was probably one of the hardest things I ever had to do! such a crazy fucking story that I swear if it weren't for my niece that witnessed the whole thing and also my ex co-worker in NY, no one would believe me and I genuinely would look like a stalker! I think in his mind and in my mind and the weird feelings we shared for each other, what we were both doing was "ok" and being around each other again after all those years, because everything started out live and direct like we knew each other in person initially, gave us the closure that we both needed to move on from that crazy story!

Now when I think back at that time in my life, I realize that I did all of it to "be in love" because being in love with someone I couldn't have, was safer than giving my love to someone "in real life" because loving was too scary! then along came my ex who broke down all my walls only to break me all over again! Fuck my life sometimes for real! 

Journal, I want to leave you with, this post I wrote back in 2012 about me being a "stalker" I just re-read it and it made me cry.  I still can't believe that was me! I love you journal!

Maroon 5 - Beautiful Mistakes 

Saturday, October 30, 2021

La Scapigliata - Leonardo Da Vinci

 Dear Journal - 10/25/21

I'm so exhausted I've been working really long hours there is a lot going on at work (good) but bad.  I don't ever really write about my work because for starters there is a lot of confidential stuff I can't write about, and while lately I've been thinking a lot about my job as a domestic violence advocate which I did about 3 1/2 years ago and want to write about some of the things that I experienced while I worked there, I'm just too tired to get into it right now.

It is nearly midnight and I'm so exhausted but I HAVE to write to you journal, because I made a promise to post once a week, and while this promise is just to myself, if I can't keep promises to my number one... ME, then how will my word be my bond? 

I came on here tonight to tell you about one of my tattoos....... Continuation...... I'm to tired to keep writing GN journal!


Journal last night I couldn't keep my eyes opened!


Journal, this is the 3rd time I try and write this week but I've been sooooo exhausted, I could not keep my eyes opened and by the time I would start to write, I had to just stop and go to sleep.  Here I am trying again, today I feel pretty good, maybe because yesterday I got to go to my  boxing class which I really enjoy! I've been going only once a week, but I think I will try to go 2x per week, as it's such a great work out and the energy there is always so fun! 

I wanted to tell you journal about my tattoo, La Scapigliata! ok first and foremost, I did not know the paintings name and always called her DaVinci's angel, because whenever I googled that, that is the portrait that came up.  La Scapigliata (head of a woman) is a painting from the 1500's.  I think I saw this painting for the first time while watching the movie Ever After, starring Drew Barrymore, since I saw it, I became fascinated by it.  One day a few months ago, someone told me that he thought all tattoos should be meaningful, while that's typically the case, I never really thought of tattoos that way, to me, a tattoo is a form of art and I love art and my very first tiny tattoo that I got on the strip in Las Vegas for $20 dollars about 8 years ago, is a tiny heart and it has absolutely no meaning.  I did not get tattoos when I was younger because I get tired of things and I never had anything that I wanted on my body that I may not regret later.  Now I'm 50 so I can put whatever I want on my body it doesn't matter, I highly doubt I will be regretting any of my tats at this point.  

So, this past spring I got into the show inked and I got really pumped about getting more tattoos, so I started to give thought to what I wanted.  I thought of getting her because she's absolutely beautiful and I remember when I first saw her, she made me think of me and she looks sad to me and I feel like most of my life I've been more sad than happy, when I talked about this painting with my art professor in college, he told me he saw her and saw a smile.  She still looks sad to me, but I had to get her.  I wanted to find a really good artist because if the artist messed this portrait up, I would of been pissed! but instead of being pissed I am SO HAPPY I GOT THIS TAT! the artist was lovely! and he did a beautiful job! I am so happy with the tattoos he gave me.  We did two in one day and it took about 6 hours of some pain, good pain! (insert smile here).  

I don't have much more to report about journal, my life lately has consisted of work work work! no dating, no boys, no love life! Back to my "hibernation mode" I have no interest in anyone what's so ever and I like it that way! I am not saying that if I get on the train and lock eyes with a man and we start talking because the train is going really fast and I accidentally bump into him I won't like "give him a chance" but oh wait! there are no trains in Fort Collins, CO and that is just a fantasy in my mind about this "man" on the train.... So never mind, probably not happening on the train, although I will be visiting NY again sometime soon so.... One never knows! but for now, in my reality not in my imagination, nothing like that is happening.  I've actually been really focused on my work, it's been emotional and challenging and I feel drained but also productive and helpful. One day I will write my story and talk about all the interesting jobs I've had, always an adventure when it comes to my work!

So, I leave you tonight journal with this.....

My Tat.... La Scapigliata.... ps. it's 2:30 am and this was the best pic I could take of it myself!

Sunday, October 17, 2021

And now she's 50...........

I wrote this on the plane on my way home from Colombia, SA.  I didn't re-read or edit it and I want to post it as I have not been on here for about two weeks and I missed you journal! side note, some old posts came up that I had not read in years and when I read them again I cried! I'm so happy to have you journal! the true events of my life! I never lie to you and I only hope that if one day I am blessed with the gift of a man that is truly going to love and respect me, that he will be ok with me having you, because you mean the world to me! My little piece of the world wide web!

Dear Journal

Last week was my birthday and I had the opportunity to celebrate it in Colombia! The last time I spent a birthday there I was 15 years old and actually, the trip was my bday gift from my parents because I LOVED visiting my grandparents every year!

This trip was very very different and the whole time I was there I felt like there was something missing, which there was, my grandmother was no longer there and the last time I was there which was about two years ago almost to the day, I had been there to say goodbye to my second mom because she was very ill and it would be the last time I would see her. Being there without her was pretty hard, Colombia just didn’t feel the same. I miss and love her and my granddad so much! They raised me from the time I was born until I was about 6 when my parents were able to bring me to the U.S.

My birthday was really special! I had about 30 to 40 guests and everyone danced until about 2am. I couldn’t believe how many people came and I truly felt loved! As gifts I asked everyone to bring non perishable food to be donated. It was awesome how much food people brought me! A few days later my mom took the food to a nearby church and my mom said that the priest was really happy because there are so many people that go to the church to ask for food and sometimes he has nothing to give away, this made my heart ache that there are still people in this world that have no food and here in the US people throw food out like it’s no big deal! (Insert sad face here) I was happy that people gave me lots of food to donate!

The whole day which was also the day I flew out, I kept wondering if my ex would message me to say something anything at all. Last time I heard from him was probably May and I have been thinking about him a lot wondering how he is doing as I don’t really have anyone to ask. So, after the party at around 2:30 I had a chance to look at my phone and he had sent me an email around 2:30 that afternoon and his message was horribly mean and so deeply hurtful. I was feeling kind of nice so when I read it I broke down and cried so hard, the worse part was that I wasn’t even crying about the mean words but more so because he messaged me and I was so glad to hear from him and sad that he is still in a dark hard place and I can’t do anything at all about it. So while my bday started off really good, I guess it ended pretty sad.

I don’t even want to repeat to you journal his mean words, but let’s just say he’s wished death upon me yet again, how come he hates me so much? (Insert sad face here).

Well, all in all I had an amazing time with my family and got myself 7 new tattoos! Im so addicted! My ex brother in law is a tattoo artist and he hooked me up with a few small ones as he’s still Learning so I guess I serviced as his human canvas!

I also got a some from someone who’s pretty darn good and hot! While my cousin and I were there getting my tats we were both enjoying the eye candy! Had so much fun!

My best friend reminded me that in my early 20’s I would always say I would never get a tattoo but then I did start to like them and then I loved them but didn’t know what to get so I waited until later in life on purpose and now my family is probably thinking I’ve lost my shit or I’m crazy but journal, how don’t they already know all of this about me by now? I’m Jazzy, I just do shit! No rhyme or reason!

Give a little respect - erasure 

Sunday, September 26, 2021

Want to suck my DI@K?

 Dear journal -

I'm sad to report that I don't have much to report and that is typically not like my life! But I legitimately have nothing exciting to tell you! I am really tired because my two female cousins came out for a visit from Miami, so I was running around with them, I had such a great time! they left last night and I did not get home until pretty late from dropping them off, so today I feel so exhausted like I can't do anything and I need to find the strength to do some sort of work out. 

I guess maybe I can tell you about a message that I received on Tinder last night actually, that typically would throw me into a rage, but that yesterday I initially got pissed but then I was like, why am I letting someone that is clearly lost and confused and stupid, make me angry? so I match with some rando and he sends me a message and the message read... "you want to suck my dick?" after feeling that little desire of punching him dead straight in his face and kicking him in his balls my response was... Of course I want to suck your dick! actually I'm on here exclusively to suck dicks for free and also, that is all I ever do is suck dicks, so absolutely no problem! obviously he got the tone of my message as me being sarcastic and he responded... sry.  I read his bio and he was like, I just went through a break up she hurt me pretty bad replaced me in 2 weeks would love a rebound blah blah and I was like.... Why do fuck do we humans do these things? some woman hurt him so now he's been disrespectful to me? anyway, I didn't have time for it so I unmatched from him.

When I got back on Tinder I made my profile so that I could actually meet people, but I think I'm ready to make it my marketing site again, I genuinely have zero interest in actually meeting anyone at the moment.  I talk to a few people here and there but literally that's all I do is chat, no meeting no any of that, I'm good I'm in my zone as I like to call it, just focused on myself my family etc. if I happen to meet someone that is cool and asks me out for a drink or whatever sure, but I could care fucking less if I meet someone or not! am I a little bitter about the opposite sex at the moment? yes, I have felt lead on 2x now and I don't appreciate it or what to play games with anyone.  I literally am always so honest with people about my intentions but people don't know how to do that with me so whatever.  My time is to precious to waste on those who don't see how amazing I am! I'm not even being conceded or whatever.  I'm a GREAT catch! for men of any age! I know how to respect my man, treat him good, give him love, be there for them as their support, I'm a great lover and a fighter if I need to defend my guy! so I'm not going to settle for less than what I deserve end of story!

Anywho, I will be on my way to Colombia to celebrate my bday this Friday, Oct. 1 I am looking forward to my trip! I'm getting some tattoos done and that is what I'm most excited about! I cannot wait! I also tried deactivating my FB page as I find myself to immersed on social media and truly believe that it's a huge waste of my time, but then I had to get back on because it's the only way I can manage my FB page I've tried figuring out how to add another account to manage my page but FB makes it almost impossible, so I had to get back on ha! ridiculous! I am trying to make reading a priority as I feel dumb as fuck lately! I need to constantly feel like I'm learning something! I have a few books I want to read so hopefully I will stay true to myself and stay off of FB as much as possible.  It's so damn addictive!

Journal, I shall write you some more upon my return from my trip.... ta ta!

I will leave you with... Instant Crush - Daft Punk

Saturday, September 18, 2021

Another one bites the dust!

 Dearest Journal -

I was thinking this past week, man I need to start either having an exciting life or start thinking about things to write about, because I have to say that I don't have very much at all to report! I guess the most exciting thing that's about to happen for me is that I will be leaving to Colombia, SA on vacation on Oct. 1 and I will arrive on Oct. 2 my birthday! I already wrote about how I feel about this big birthday, but I also feel very grateful that I am making it to this birthday.  I think that to a certain extent I can be a little ungrateful.  How many people my age are going through all sorts of things.  I can't allow myself to fall into some like boo hoo thing where I'm complaining.  I need to always stay positive and ask for nothing but positive things to happen and they will.  The law of attraction! you create your own reality with your thoughts, I 100 percent believe that to be true.

My last post I wrote about someone that I was getting to know and how all we did was text or actually Snapchat, well, that is now over and done with! lasted all of maybe a month? Here is the thing journal, partially I was forcing myself to like someone new because it feels like that is what I should be doing, but in reality, I'm good, I don't feel like I need to be in like this crazy serious type situation right now.  He and I were messaging each other almost all day everyday and that was fun and all, but if  you don't make time for me, then what are we? I am not completely seeking an emotional connection, I don't necessarily need to be completely committed to any one person.  I've been thinking about what it is that I want and I want something chill, I want someone that isn't going to be running around with a bunch of other people, that makes some time to see me and message me when we aren't together.  I don't need to talk to you all day every day and I don't need to spend every moment that you are free with you either, I don't need to be with this person 24/7 I don't even need to be out and spending time going to movies or dinners or hiking, biking any of that! I have SO MANY FRIENDS! I mean sure eventually one day it would be amazing to have all of that but I realize that those things take time, but for now those are my needs.  I would also LOVE to have someone that we have amazing sexual chemistry! BUT apparently my needs are WAY TOO MUCH for these men out here in Colorado! God forbid I want to receive a text or call from someone that I'm sleeping with to ask how my week is going! or God forbid I want the person I'm texting with nearly all day every day to be like hey Jaz what are you doing? come over let's hang out! NOPE, shit is REALLY hard out here in these streets! apparently that shit is HARD AS FUCK FOR DUDES! so, I'm just chilling!

I don't believe in ghosting people or being mean or any of that immature shit, my friend thinks I give men way too much of an explanation when I don't want to continue talking to them or whatever, she says I don't owe anyone anything.  She also thinks that it makes me out to be crazy.  Well, if someone is too immature or doesn't know how to deal with or take feedback from someone who actually knows what she wants and isn't playing games with them and isn't leading them on and is honest, genuine and real as fuck, then I don't care if I seem crazy! not my problem what people think of me.  My rule is treat others the way I want to be treated! and while that doesn't usually happen, I believe in karma and I am not about to treat anyone shitty! So, my snapchat buddy was on a trip and I waited until he got back from his trip to watch his actions.  I knew he was going to be free for a few days before he got his daughter back and so I was like, if he doesn't ask to see me, that's it I'm done! he never asked, hey you want to hang out? even though while he was away he was like I need some cuddles! Don't fucking tell me you want to cuddle if that isn't your intention! why is it that men like to talk talk talk and never back up their fucking words? Well, Jazzy did what Jazzy does or well not really, Jazzy usually let's people sort of have it and can be a bitch! instead, I unfriended him on my snapchat and the next evening I got a text message and he was like did I do something to upset you? and I simply said, no actually you haven't, but it's clear to me that you are not that into me and I don't want to continue to waste your or my time.  He said something like I'm trying really hard to get out of my comfort level or something to that affect and my response was, well, when a man likes a woman he finds time for her,

 It also works the other way around, when a woman likes a man, she will make time for him too! this isn't only about men, this is women too! I have watched in my lifetime sooooo many women lead men on, keep them around until they found someone they really liked! so it goes both ways! people think it's ok to string you along and I'm not about to waste months on anyone, especially because I don't like talking to a bunch of people at the same time, just not me.  I'm not a man and am not going to be a man because "that's how you have to play the game." Anyway, he admits to what I said sort of and then I was pretty fucking annoyed and wanted to be like..... So, how much fucking longer did you plan on stringing me along? but instead Jazzy said, I wish you the best and we are friends don't ever hesitate to say hello but I will need some space from talking to you for some time I hope you understand! He said he totally got that and said he thought I was really cool, which to that I responded yea I know! and that's the last I've spoken to him!

He did add me back on in snapchat so we are connected there still, but he has not been messaging me anymore, which I'm ok with.  To be honest I only missed him the first like two days and sure I miss chit chatting with him, which I knew I would, but I don't only want to "chit chat" with anyone, I talk to so many people all day long I'm good! I genuinely didn't feel a connection with him, as I said, I was forcing myself to want to like someone or feel close to someone, I didn't and so it's all good! I am actually not feeling down lately about being single or any of that, I had a pitty party one day and talked to my friend about it and he made me feel really good and then that was the end of that!

Winter is still coming though! but my cuddling is looking grimmer and grimmer by the minute! thank God I have a bunch of pillows and lots of warm blankets! What's meant to be will be and I don't need to do anything at all right now other than continue to be open to the possibilities and to the fact that I KNOW there is a wonderful man out there with all the wrong women that will find his way to me one day! and I will treat him like a king! and he will treat me like a queen! I KNOW how to treat someone and I KNOW how to make someone happier in their happy life, I'm not worried journal! all is pretty well in my world! I'm super grateful to the universe and God for all the wonderful people and things that I have in my life!

I will leave you with..... Another one bites the dust! hahaha this is so funny! 

Jazzy's Bio

 Dear Journal - When I first started writing this journal almost 11 years ago, I had a little bio about myself and they made some changes at...