La Scapigliata - Leonardo Da Vinci

 Dear Journal - 10/25/21

I'm so exhausted I've been working really long hours there is a lot going on at work (good) but bad.  I don't ever really write about my work because for starters there is a lot of confidential stuff I can't write about, and while lately I've been thinking a lot about my job as a domestic violence advocate which I did about 3 1/2 years ago and want to write about some of the things that I experienced while I worked there, I'm just too tired to get into it right now.

It is nearly midnight and I'm so exhausted but I HAVE to write to you journal, because I made a promise to post once a week, and while this promise is just to myself, if I can't keep promises to my number one... ME, then how will my word be my bond? 

I came on here tonight to tell you about one of my tattoos....... Continuation...... I'm to tired to keep writing GN journal!

10/26/21

Journal last night I couldn't keep my eyes opened!

10/29/21

Journal, this is the 3rd time I try and write this week but I've been sooooo exhausted, I could not keep my eyes opened and by the time I would start to write, I had to just stop and go to sleep.  Here I am trying again, today I feel pretty good, maybe because yesterday I got to go to my  boxing class which I really enjoy! I've been going only once a week, but I think I will try to go 2x per week, as it's such a great work out and the energy there is always so fun! 

I wanted to tell you journal about my tattoo, La Scapigliata! ok first and foremost, I did not know the paintings name and always called her DaVinci's angel, because whenever I googled that, that is the portrait that came up.  La Scapigliata (head of a woman) is a painting from the 1500's.  I think I saw this painting for the first time while watching the movie Ever After, starring Drew Barrymore, since I saw it, I became fascinated by it.  One day a few months ago, someone told me that he thought all tattoos should be meaningful, while that's typically the case, I never really thought of tattoos that way, to me, a tattoo is a form of art and I love art and my very first tiny tattoo that I got on the strip in Las Vegas for $20 dollars about 8 years ago, is a tiny heart and it has absolutely no meaning.  I did not get tattoos when I was younger because I get tired of things and I never had anything that I wanted on my body that I may not regret later.  Now I'm 50 so I can put whatever I want on my body it doesn't matter, I highly doubt I will be regretting any of my tats at this point.  

So, this past spring I got into the show inked and I got really pumped about getting more tattoos, so I started to give thought to what I wanted.  I thought of getting her because she's absolutely beautiful and I remember when I first saw her, she made me think of me and she looks sad to me and I feel like most of my life I've been more sad than happy, when I talked about this painting with my art professor in college, he told me he saw her and saw a smile.  She still looks sad to me, but I had to get her.  I wanted to find a really good artist because if the artist messed this portrait up, I would of been pissed! but instead of being pissed I am SO HAPPY I GOT THIS TAT! the artist was lovely! and he did a beautiful job! I am so happy with the tattoos he gave me.  We did two in one day and it took about 6 hours of some pain, good pain! (insert smile here).  

I don't have much more to report about journal, my life lately has consisted of work work work! no dating, no boys, no love life! Back to my "hibernation mode" I have no interest in anyone what's so ever and I like it that way! I am not saying that if I get on the train and lock eyes with a man and we start talking because the train is going really fast and I accidentally bump into him I won't like "give him a chance" but oh wait! there are no trains in Fort Collins, CO and that is just a fantasy in my mind about this "man" on the train.... So never mind, probably not happening on the train, although I will be visiting NY again sometime soon so.... One never knows! but for now, in my reality not in my imagination, nothing like that is happening.  I've actually been really focused on my work, it's been emotional and challenging and I feel drained but also productive and helpful. One day I will write my story and talk about all the interesting jobs I've had, always an adventure when it comes to my work!

So, I leave you tonight journal with this.....

My Tat.... La Scapigliata.... ps. it's 2:30 am and this was the best pic I could take of it myself!

And now she's 50...........

I wrote this on the plane on my way home from Colombia, SA.  I didn't re-read or edit it and I want to post it as I have not been on here for about two weeks and I missed you journal! side note, some old posts came up that I had not read in years and when I read them again I cried! I'm so happy to have you journal! the true events of my life! I never lie to you and I only hope that if one day I am blessed with the gift of a man that is truly going to love and respect me, that he will be ok with me having you, because you mean the world to me! My little piece of the world wide web!

Dear Journal

Last week was my birthday and I had the opportunity to celebrate it in Colombia! The last time I spent a birthday there I was 15 years old and actually, the trip was my bday gift from my parents because I LOVED visiting my grandparents every year!

This trip was very very different and the whole time I was there I felt like there was something missing, which there was, my grandmother was no longer there and the last time I was there which was about two years ago almost to the day, I had been there to say goodbye to my second mom because she was very ill and it would be the last time I would see her. Being there without her was pretty hard, Colombia just didn’t feel the same. I miss and love her and my granddad so much! They raised me from the time I was born until I was about 6 when my parents were able to bring me to the U.S.

My birthday was really special! I had about 30 to 40 guests and everyone danced until about 2am. I couldn’t believe how many people came and I truly felt loved! As gifts I asked everyone to bring non perishable food to be donated. It was awesome how much food people brought me! A few days later my mom took the food to a nearby church and my mom said that the priest was really happy because there are so many people that go to the church to ask for food and sometimes he has nothing to give away, this made my heart ache that there are still people in this world that have no food and here in the US people throw food out like it’s no big deal! (Insert sad face here) I was happy that people gave me lots of food to donate!

The whole day which was also the day I flew out, I kept wondering if my ex would message me to say something anything at all. Last time I heard from him was probably May and I have been thinking about him a lot wondering how he is doing as I don’t really have anyone to ask. So, after the party at around 2:30 I had a chance to look at my phone and he had sent me an email around 2:30 that afternoon and his message was horribly mean and so deeply hurtful. I was feeling kind of nice so when I read it I broke down and cried so hard, the worse part was that I wasn’t even crying about the mean words but more so because he messaged me and I was so glad to hear from him and sad that he is still in a dark hard place and I can’t do anything at all about it. So while my bday started off really good, I guess it ended pretty sad.

I don’t even want to repeat to you journal his mean words, but let’s just say he’s wished death upon me yet again, how come he hates me so much? (Insert sad face here).

Well, all in all I had an amazing time with my family and got myself 7 new tattoos! Im so addicted! My ex brother in law is a tattoo artist and he hooked me up with a few small ones as he’s still Learning so I guess I serviced as his human canvas!

I also got a some from someone who’s pretty darn good and hot! While my cousin and I were there getting my tats we were both enjoying the eye candy! Had so much fun!

My best friend reminded me that in my early 20’s I would always say I would never get a tattoo but then I did start to like them and then I loved them but didn’t know what to get so I waited until later in life on purpose and now my family is probably thinking I’ve lost my shit or I’m crazy but journal, how don’t they already know all of this about me by now? I’m Jazzy, I just do shit! No rhyme or reason!

Give a little respect - erasure