I had initially thought about not posting anything about my project until I went on my first date, but I have to admit that now that I posted the AD and am getting responses, I’m already feeling overwhelmed. I posted the AD last night and about 10 minutes later, I had already received 32 messages in my inbox. Before I started writing this blog, I checked my email and I already had 97. I started to read them quickly and I am already overwhelmed. I am starting to sort of regret having even started to do this, but I’m going to do it and I’m going to get out of it what I want. I need to prove my point on my crazy theories about men. But more so, I need to find out things about myself for self improvement purposes.
So far just based on the fact that 10 minutes after my AD I had 32 responses, I can say one thing. There are a lot of lonely men in NYC. That’s kind of depressing, you would think that in a city such as this one, it would make it easier to find someone special, I guess not. Like I said I started reading some of these messages and there were some men that seem really nice, of coures everyone seems nice on paper right? a long time ago, I had decided that online dating wasn’t for me. Honestly speaking, for me to actually be interested in someone, I need to see the person face to face first and then I will know. But, online dating is a huge successful industry, so I have to believe that it’s an effective way of people meeting and falling in love. I won’t hate on love ever, no matter how bad and bitter I am about it for myself, I enjoy watching couples and seeing how one human being can love another. It’s just awesome. Anyway, before I start getting all mushy, I also need to stress that this project is not about me finding love, it’s about me not being me and finding out what I can about men’s behavior towards a “damsel in distress” or a woman that is not assertive and “needs a man” I won’t lie and say that I don’t need a man every now and then, I needed a man the other day when I didn’t have anyone to put up my AC. But that’s not what I really mean.
Here is my dilemma though, I said I wasn’t going to discriminate so now I have to decide, what things I will be looking for when choosing who to respond to, who to give my number to and who to actually go out with. This project is not as fun as I anticipated. Or maybe I am just thinking about it in complicated terms. I sent my friend Sean a message and told him that since he was the one who sort of gave me the last push I needed to actually go through with this, he needs to help me make some decisions as to the specifics I noted above. He told me I should pick them at random, but while I was reading some of the responses, I thought to myself that I want to choose people that at least I want to sit with for an hour and have a conversation. I don't even know what I'm doing already, this feels awkward. I read a few that said stuff like, I am looking for an honest woman, and I cringed! UGH! I feel horrible! I told Sean he needs to keep me grounded and help me. I honestly while reading these AD's keep thinking, but I like someone already and then I pout! I know, I'm such a baby!
Since I live in NYC and there is a diverse male population, I want to try and date at least one of each ethnic back ground so that just for myself I can learn things about different men in different cultures. This part I think will be fun. I seriously enjoy diversity. So far, I got responses from Asian men, White men, Black men and Latin men that's about all the kind of men there are out there so I guess I will get to hang out with one of each. When I think of it in these terms, I feel better about this.
Later on thie evening and this weekend I will be going through the emails and responding to them. I do have to note however, that in the past when I tried on-line dating. If I wasn’t responsive right away, men got annoyed and sort of brushed me off. In addition, I also noticed that some of them were more desperate then others and some were rude and nasty when I told them I wasn’t interested. I am always honest, so sometimes I would feel horrible having to tell them thanks but no thanks, but this time, since this woman is not really me, then it shouldn’t be that hard to let people down. Who am I?
Hi, I’m xyz-(sorry I don’t want to give the name on my blog that I will be using for my project). But I am XYZ from Queens NYC. I am 32 years old and live alone with my son who is 10. My husband and I broke up about 2 years ago, he left me for another woman. I have been devastated and therefore have not really dated anyone. I enjoy long walks (this is true) I work as a Recruiter in Midtown Manhattan (this was my old job) and I don’t have a Facebook page, why? Because I don’t really enjoy being on line to much??? (God I’m so bad at lies)!
My biggest fear is that I will get confused on the lies I’m telling and then screw everything up! Yes, I feel really guilty already about this whole project, but to be honest, when I think of it in terms of what I am trying to accomplish, it doesn’t feel that bad.
Ok well, guess I’ll be reporting back when I have some juicy stuff to write…….
I hope I don’t fall on my face and get caught on my first lie……. Wish me luck!
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