Dear Journal:
Lately, I've been super duper lazy. When I say super duper I mean like completely lazy! I have let myself go, I don't exercise, I don't go out, I don't watch what I eat, I am just uncaring. However, I still am thinking about the future, my 5 year plan that I always have. I'm not really sure why I am feeling this way, part of me feels that I'm like this because I've come to a point where I feel somewhat stuck, unable to make good decision. The only thing that's keeping me happy is the fact that I have a new job where I am learning so many new things that it makes my life exciting, but other than that, I do realize that there is something missing. I really believe that my oldest son leaving the nest has affected me more than I thought. I miss him so very much even though we talk almost every day, however, I still feel this empty feeling in my home, things are not the same and while I realize that this is all part of life, I hate to have to accept it. Lately, I have also been missing NYC. I miss my friends most of all. I miss it not to an extent that I feel like I want to go back, but to an extent that I really need to visit soon, because I miss my friends, I really do.
The other morning, I woke up to a txt message from the last person who I thought I would be hearing from, it only said what's up what's new, but the moment I opened my eyes looked at my phone to see the time and saw that I had a message from him, my day lit up! what an affect this young man still has on me, if only it was ok for us to love one another, if only it were ok for it to be real. His name, is BK and through out this journal you will find many times since I've started writing this journal that his name is written on it. I was so happy to hear from him, for him to be reaching out to me to ask how I was. The whole day we exchanged messages and I almost didn't want the day to end because I knew that once it did, our conversation would be over for who knows how long, when will we talk again? when would we see one another again? Talking to him always reminds me how much I love Brooklyn! how much I love my Brooklyn boys, how much I miss Brooklyn, how much I miss him and I just got all sorts of emotional through out the day. In a perfect world I would have two homes, one in Fort Collins, CO one in Brooklyn, NYC! but this my world isn't perfect, so I shall stay here close to my beautiful mountains, because I love them and so do my children.
I had to come on here my sweet journal to tell you about a very emotional day last week that I had because I had the pleasure of talking to my BK, the one guy who time, nor distance has allowed me to forget him! and yes, we are but friends, really good friends, but in my heart he sure does hold a very special place. Why wouldn't he? we watched the sunset at Coney Island beach the last time we saw one another, and while we didn't even share a kiss that night, we shared something that not too many people in this world can, we shared an intimate moment of true friendship and genuine love and maybe not even romantic love, but the kind of love that two people that respect and look up to each other share. He is so awesome! he's so much like me in so many ways. So hard working and career oriented, so smart and funny and genuine, so intelligent and kind and so very handsome. Maybe like I wrote in a previous post a few years ago he is a love that I once knew in another life time, maybe, just maybe.........
I leave you with:
So Emotional
By: Whitney Houston
Lately, I've been super duper lazy. When I say super duper I mean like completely lazy! I have let myself go, I don't exercise, I don't go out, I don't watch what I eat, I am just uncaring. However, I still am thinking about the future, my 5 year plan that I always have. I'm not really sure why I am feeling this way, part of me feels that I'm like this because I've come to a point where I feel somewhat stuck, unable to make good decision. The only thing that's keeping me happy is the fact that I have a new job where I am learning so many new things that it makes my life exciting, but other than that, I do realize that there is something missing. I really believe that my oldest son leaving the nest has affected me more than I thought. I miss him so very much even though we talk almost every day, however, I still feel this empty feeling in my home, things are not the same and while I realize that this is all part of life, I hate to have to accept it. Lately, I have also been missing NYC. I miss my friends most of all. I miss it not to an extent that I feel like I want to go back, but to an extent that I really need to visit soon, because I miss my friends, I really do.
The other morning, I woke up to a txt message from the last person who I thought I would be hearing from, it only said what's up what's new, but the moment I opened my eyes looked at my phone to see the time and saw that I had a message from him, my day lit up! what an affect this young man still has on me, if only it was ok for us to love one another, if only it were ok for it to be real. His name, is BK and through out this journal you will find many times since I've started writing this journal that his name is written on it. I was so happy to hear from him, for him to be reaching out to me to ask how I was. The whole day we exchanged messages and I almost didn't want the day to end because I knew that once it did, our conversation would be over for who knows how long, when will we talk again? when would we see one another again? Talking to him always reminds me how much I love Brooklyn! how much I love my Brooklyn boys, how much I miss Brooklyn, how much I miss him and I just got all sorts of emotional through out the day. In a perfect world I would have two homes, one in Fort Collins, CO one in Brooklyn, NYC! but this my world isn't perfect, so I shall stay here close to my beautiful mountains, because I love them and so do my children.
I had to come on here my sweet journal to tell you about a very emotional day last week that I had because I had the pleasure of talking to my BK, the one guy who time, nor distance has allowed me to forget him! and yes, we are but friends, really good friends, but in my heart he sure does hold a very special place. Why wouldn't he? we watched the sunset at Coney Island beach the last time we saw one another, and while we didn't even share a kiss that night, we shared something that not too many people in this world can, we shared an intimate moment of true friendship and genuine love and maybe not even romantic love, but the kind of love that two people that respect and look up to each other share. He is so awesome! he's so much like me in so many ways. So hard working and career oriented, so smart and funny and genuine, so intelligent and kind and so very handsome. Maybe like I wrote in a previous post a few years ago he is a love that I once knew in another life time, maybe, just maybe.........
I leave you with:
So Emotional
By: Whitney Houston
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