Dear Journal -
The song habits, made me cry the other morning on my way to work and then again a few days later while I was getting ready for work. The first time it made me cry, was because as I was driving to work and listening to the song, I kept looking at all the beauty that surrounds me during my drive. Mountains as far as the eye can see. Beautiful fall colors, amazing animals like brown horses with white patches waging their tails as they enjoy their morning grass. The fresh air hitting my face and smells of all sorts of nature. I AM SO HAPPY IN COLORADO! I can't even begin to express it. And I thought of my friend who I met three years ago and told me I should move here and I felt deeply sad that well, It was just an emotional moment.
But the song doesn't really remind me of this me, it more so reminds me of a Jazzy that I once knew. I young lost confused soul, trying to find happiness in love, trying to find happiness by having someone to give her a reason to live and breath. So the second time I cried I thought of that Jazzy and of him, my once love Dev and I thought of how he stayed high for years to keep his dad off his mind, the man whom he loved more than life itself, the man he lost when he was only 18 years old. And like magic we found each other and made a beautiful son who became his new reason, yet not even that could keep that hurt out of his heart and so he had to stay high, high until just recently when he decided that life had more for him and he entered rehab and will come out of their a clean, sober and not afraid man. Finally he will face reality without anything to take away the pain, he will be ok with everything because he has hurt for so long that, he deserves the happiness that will be coming to him. I am so proud of the choice he made, the choice of life.
I can go on and on about this but I am really tired and I also don't want to write anything else about him because it's not my place too. However, I love him immensely and know that he will do this, he will be clean after 20 years. God I cried so hard with this song!
I don't know how to heal from a broken heart, because I haven't had a true broken heart in many many years. The last broken heart I had was well.... I don't want to ever write that persons name on my blog ever again, but if you have read my journal you know the name all to well. That was a really hard broken heart to mend, but here I am alive and well and writing about it. I guess the only advice I can give at my old age (I'm 43) is, that if you have a broken heart, drugs won't mend it. Drugs might take away the pain for one, two, three maybe even 20 years, but the only way to truly heal is by facing the hurt, by accepting it and by living day by day like it's your last and hoping that someday somehow, it will be better. Remember, this too shall pass......
I leave you with......
Habits
by: Tove Lo
p.s. this song reminds me of a song that used to make me cry when I broke up with my son's dad....Dev.
Bad Girl
By: Madonna
The song habits, made me cry the other morning on my way to work and then again a few days later while I was getting ready for work. The first time it made me cry, was because as I was driving to work and listening to the song, I kept looking at all the beauty that surrounds me during my drive. Mountains as far as the eye can see. Beautiful fall colors, amazing animals like brown horses with white patches waging their tails as they enjoy their morning grass. The fresh air hitting my face and smells of all sorts of nature. I AM SO HAPPY IN COLORADO! I can't even begin to express it. And I thought of my friend who I met three years ago and told me I should move here and I felt deeply sad that well, It was just an emotional moment.
But the song doesn't really remind me of this me, it more so reminds me of a Jazzy that I once knew. I young lost confused soul, trying to find happiness in love, trying to find happiness by having someone to give her a reason to live and breath. So the second time I cried I thought of that Jazzy and of him, my once love Dev and I thought of how he stayed high for years to keep his dad off his mind, the man whom he loved more than life itself, the man he lost when he was only 18 years old. And like magic we found each other and made a beautiful son who became his new reason, yet not even that could keep that hurt out of his heart and so he had to stay high, high until just recently when he decided that life had more for him and he entered rehab and will come out of their a clean, sober and not afraid man. Finally he will face reality without anything to take away the pain, he will be ok with everything because he has hurt for so long that, he deserves the happiness that will be coming to him. I am so proud of the choice he made, the choice of life.
I can go on and on about this but I am really tired and I also don't want to write anything else about him because it's not my place too. However, I love him immensely and know that he will do this, he will be clean after 20 years. God I cried so hard with this song!
I don't know how to heal from a broken heart, because I haven't had a true broken heart in many many years. The last broken heart I had was well.... I don't want to ever write that persons name on my blog ever again, but if you have read my journal you know the name all to well. That was a really hard broken heart to mend, but here I am alive and well and writing about it. I guess the only advice I can give at my old age (I'm 43) is, that if you have a broken heart, drugs won't mend it. Drugs might take away the pain for one, two, three maybe even 20 years, but the only way to truly heal is by facing the hurt, by accepting it and by living day by day like it's your last and hoping that someday somehow, it will be better. Remember, this too shall pass......
I leave you with......
Habits
by: Tove Lo
p.s. this song reminds me of a song that used to make me cry when I broke up with my son's dad....Dev.
Bad Girl
By: Madonna
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