Dear Journal -
How are thou? I've missed you so, and thought of you often! Life has been busy I'm usually to lazy to write, which is horrible. How can I be lazy to write? I'm just always exhausted after work, because all the my job is not labor intense, it's mentally and emotionally draining. There are days that I get home and don't want to talk, or listen or read or watch or anything, I just want to be.
It's really hard to describe what I go through on a daily basis, because it's a different story every day, and I listen to my clients intently and get lost in their world, and try to give them some sort of reason to make them feel a bit better. Some stories remind me of a life I could of had, and I wonder how I made it out and survived, and made it where I am now, in this place that feel ok. Sometimes I wonder if I even feel remorse anymore, am I sensitive to others, or have I become cold to people and their stories?
I have decided that I do not want to go back to school to get a masters degree in social work like I thought I wanted to, I just don't want to help anymore than I already can, I don't think I have the patience to do anymore that I have. I am happy where I am now and I don't want to give more.
I have lost my inspiration to write journal, I have lost the will to say anything because I feel that I say so much everyday that when I get home, I don't want to say anymore. Somedays are easier than others, and I am surrounded by awesome people and that makes it a little easier, but still I wonder, am I in the right place? is this good for me? or am I just settling? all in all though I feel a sense of pride and joy for what I do each and every day, I feel content in my life at the moment, and that is always a good thing.
I am writing tonight because I was reading some poetry and all of a sudden, I felt inspired, inspired by the thought of someone I miss so much, when someone tells me that my friend can't talk to me because someone is making it difficult for him to do so, I feel so angry at myself because I made some choices that sort of led to that happening. I don't want to get into this huge thing where I will tell you the whole story journal, but the fact that this person makes me feel inspired, is an awesome thing! I need some inspiration in my life, I need that thing that makes me want to write, thinking of my friend made me feel that way, I can't wait until one day he can read this post.
I am tired journal, I will go now, but I'll leave you with my little poem! I guess I can call it, I still wait....
I still wait
By: Jazzy
And so I waited, and days went, and days came and years passed and there I stayed, waiting for your love, your touch, your kiss. And still I wait, for nights to pass and then at last I'll see you again, because at last the wait will end and there you'll be, in front of me and we will share a tendeer moment a moment at last because I waited, waited for you.
Painting by: George Seurat
How are thou? I've missed you so, and thought of you often! Life has been busy I'm usually to lazy to write, which is horrible. How can I be lazy to write? I'm just always exhausted after work, because all the my job is not labor intense, it's mentally and emotionally draining. There are days that I get home and don't want to talk, or listen or read or watch or anything, I just want to be.
It's really hard to describe what I go through on a daily basis, because it's a different story every day, and I listen to my clients intently and get lost in their world, and try to give them some sort of reason to make them feel a bit better. Some stories remind me of a life I could of had, and I wonder how I made it out and survived, and made it where I am now, in this place that feel ok. Sometimes I wonder if I even feel remorse anymore, am I sensitive to others, or have I become cold to people and their stories?
I have decided that I do not want to go back to school to get a masters degree in social work like I thought I wanted to, I just don't want to help anymore than I already can, I don't think I have the patience to do anymore that I have. I am happy where I am now and I don't want to give more.
I have lost my inspiration to write journal, I have lost the will to say anything because I feel that I say so much everyday that when I get home, I don't want to say anymore. Somedays are easier than others, and I am surrounded by awesome people and that makes it a little easier, but still I wonder, am I in the right place? is this good for me? or am I just settling? all in all though I feel a sense of pride and joy for what I do each and every day, I feel content in my life at the moment, and that is always a good thing.
I am writing tonight because I was reading some poetry and all of a sudden, I felt inspired, inspired by the thought of someone I miss so much, when someone tells me that my friend can't talk to me because someone is making it difficult for him to do so, I feel so angry at myself because I made some choices that sort of led to that happening. I don't want to get into this huge thing where I will tell you the whole story journal, but the fact that this person makes me feel inspired, is an awesome thing! I need some inspiration in my life, I need that thing that makes me want to write, thinking of my friend made me feel that way, I can't wait until one day he can read this post.
I am tired journal, I will go now, but I'll leave you with my little poem! I guess I can call it, I still wait....
I still wait
By: Jazzy
And so I waited, and days went, and days came and years passed and there I stayed, waiting for your love, your touch, your kiss. And still I wait, for nights to pass and then at last I'll see you again, because at last the wait will end and there you'll be, in front of me and we will share a tendeer moment a moment at last because I waited, waited for you.
Painting by: George Seurat
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