Another one bites the dust!

 Dearest Journal -

I was thinking this past week, man I need to start either having an exciting life or start thinking about things to write about, because I have to say that I don't have very much at all to report! I guess the most exciting thing that's about to happen for me is that I will be leaving to Colombia, SA on vacation on Oct. 1 and I will arrive on Oct. 2 my birthday! I already wrote about how I feel about this big birthday, but I also feel very grateful that I am making it to this birthday.  I think that to a certain extent I can be a little ungrateful.  How many people my age are going through all sorts of things.  I can't allow myself to fall into some like boo hoo thing where I'm complaining.  I need to always stay positive and ask for nothing but positive things to happen and they will.  The law of attraction! you create your own reality with your thoughts, I 100 percent believe that to be true.

My last post I wrote about someone that I was getting to know and how all we did was text or actually Snapchat, well, that is now over and done with! lasted all of maybe a month? Here is the thing journal, partially I was forcing myself to like someone new because it feels like that is what I should be doing, but in reality, I'm good, I don't feel like I need to be in like this crazy serious type situation right now.  He and I were messaging each other almost all day everyday and that was fun and all, but if  you don't make time for me, then what are we? I am not completely seeking an emotional connection, I don't necessarily need to be completely committed to any one person.  I've been thinking about what it is that I want and I want something chill, I want someone that isn't going to be running around with a bunch of other people, that makes some time to see me and message me when we aren't together.  I don't need to talk to you all day every day and I don't need to spend every moment that you are free with you either, I don't need to be with this person 24/7 I don't even need to be out and spending time going to movies or dinners or hiking, biking any of that! I have SO MANY FRIENDS! I mean sure eventually one day it would be amazing to have all of that but I realize that those things take time, but for now those are my needs.  I would also LOVE to have someone that we have amazing sexual chemistry! BUT apparently my needs are WAY TOO MUCH for these men out here in Colorado! God forbid I want to receive a text or call from someone that I'm sleeping with to ask how my week is going! or God forbid I want the person I'm texting with nearly all day every day to be like hey Jaz what are you doing? come over let's hang out! NOPE, shit is REALLY hard out here in these streets! apparently that shit is HARD AS FUCK FOR DUDES! so, I'm just chilling!

I don't believe in ghosting people or being mean or any of that immature shit, my friend thinks I give men way too much of an explanation when I don't want to continue talking to them or whatever, she says I don't owe anyone anything.  She also thinks that it makes me out to be crazy.  Well, if someone is too immature or doesn't know how to deal with or take feedback from someone who actually knows what she wants and isn't playing games with them and isn't leading them on and is honest, genuine and real as fuck, then I don't care if I seem crazy! not my problem what people think of me.  My rule is treat others the way I want to be treated! and while that doesn't usually happen, I believe in karma and I am not about to treat anyone shitty! So, my snapchat buddy was on a trip and I waited until he got back from his trip to watch his actions.  I knew he was going to be free for a few days before he got his daughter back and so I was like, if he doesn't ask to see me, that's it I'm done! he never asked, hey you want to hang out? even though while he was away he was like I need some cuddles! Don't fucking tell me you want to cuddle if that isn't your intention! why is it that men like to talk talk talk and never back up their fucking words? Well, Jazzy did what Jazzy does or well not really, Jazzy usually let's people sort of have it and can be a bitch! instead, I unfriended him on my snapchat and the next evening I got a text message and he was like did I do something to upset you? and I simply said, no actually you haven't, but it's clear to me that you are not that into me and I don't want to continue to waste your or my time.  He said something like I'm trying really hard to get out of my comfort level or something to that affect and my response was, well, when a man likes a woman he finds time for her,

 It also works the other way around, when a woman likes a man, she will make time for him too! this isn't only about men, this is women too! I have watched in my lifetime sooooo many women lead men on, keep them around until they found someone they really liked! so it goes both ways! people think it's ok to string you along and I'm not about to waste months on anyone, especially because I don't like talking to a bunch of people at the same time, just not me.  I'm not a man and am not going to be a man because "that's how you have to play the game." Anyway, he admits to what I said sort of and then I was pretty fucking annoyed and wanted to be like..... So, how much fucking longer did you plan on stringing me along? but instead Jazzy said, I wish you the best and we are friends don't ever hesitate to say hello but I will need some space from talking to you for some time I hope you understand! He said he totally got that and said he thought I was really cool, which to that I responded yea I know! and that's the last I've spoken to him!

He did add me back on in snapchat so we are connected there still, but he has not been messaging me anymore, which I'm ok with.  To be honest I only missed him the first like two days and sure I miss chit chatting with him, which I knew I would, but I don't only want to "chit chat" with anyone, I talk to so many people all day long I'm good! I genuinely didn't feel a connection with him, as I said, I was forcing myself to want to like someone or feel close to someone, I didn't and so it's all good! I am actually not feeling down lately about being single or any of that, I had a pitty party one day and talked to my friend about it and he made me feel really good and then that was the end of that!

Winter is still coming though! but my cuddling is looking grimmer and grimmer by the minute! thank God I have a bunch of pillows and lots of warm blankets! What's meant to be will be and I don't need to do anything at all right now other than continue to be open to the possibilities and to the fact that I KNOW there is a wonderful man out there with all the wrong women that will find his way to me one day! and I will treat him like a king! and he will treat me like a queen! I KNOW how to treat someone and I KNOW how to make someone happier in their happy life, I'm not worried journal! all is pretty well in my world! I'm super grateful to the universe and God for all the wonderful people and things that I have in my life!

I will leave you with..... Another one bites the dust! hahaha this is so funny!