Dearest Journal-
I have been doing well! On Friday night I went to a gay bar for the first time in many many years and while I was there, I remembered why it was that I loved going to them so much in the past and I had such an amazing time that I shall frequent them more often!
Why do you ask I had a blast? Well... For one, I was able to just dance without worrying about some guy trying to buy me a drink regardless of me not paying him any mind. I was able to dress whichever way I felt comfortable, which was in my Fallen Angel costume (which was awesome!) and not feel uncomfortable or that anyone was going to think that I was wearing it to try to get picked up because I KNEW I wouldn't be getting picked up! And thirdly, there was enough eye candy in that place to fulfill my sweetest of all fantasies! OH! and did I mention that I was hanging out with one of my favorite fiends in the whole wide world??? It was just an awesome night!
I must admit however that towards the end of the night once the few drinks I had were starting to hit me, I did realize that I was in a sea of men that would NEVER want me! at this point I was very aware that the liquor was doing all the talking in my head, but I also realized that I want to like someone, because I haven't liked someone in a really really long time! It's almost as though I am numb to the male race, as if they almost don't exist in my world anymore, I'm just sort of over men.
While I was at the bar though, there was this beautiful young woman checking me out, I noticed that she kept looking at me and talking to her friend and turning around and looking at me again and again and I was really trying to avoid looking back at her but she was beautiful! I kept thinking to myself... WOW! That hot girl thinks I'm hot! That's awesome! And when I told my friend about it he told me that I should give women a try, I explained to him that although years ago I did kiss a girl, I was positively sure that I wasn't attracted to them and that at my age (42) I wasn't about to start "experimenting."
I think that one of the best things about being in my 40's is, that I'm pretty sure about the things I like and the things I don't. The things I will tolerate and the things I won't, the things I can be without and the things I absolutely can't! That right there is pretty amazing! You know, to sort of know your "wants" and "needs" YES journal it took me 40 damn years to know all these things! But hey! Don't judge, at least I'm living and learning and THAT is always an awesome way to go about life. I think it's vital in ones life to learn from our mistakes because without them, there is no personal growth and personal growth is an absolute must!
So yeah, life is pretty decent journal, I feel content in my life right now, and no I'm not saying that I don't go through difficult days or that I don't feel down sometimes, but I must say that all in all, I'm pretty outstanding!
THANK YOU UNIVERSE!
I leave you with one of my all time fav. songs....
Thank you
By: Alanis Morissette
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOgpT5rEKIU
No comments:
Post a Comment