Dear Journal -
How do you call a human an angel and they fear you and run away because of it? will I ever understand the reasons no matter how hard I study or how hard I try to figure it out? is there a path that we have to follow in order to get to a place we are supposed to be at? I don't know, I can't explain so many things that have happened to me in the last few years. The events that have led me to now. Maybe it's just that before I wasn't paying attention and then when I finally began to I was able to see that there are just things that are tools and signs that we must follow and that is the life we are supposed to lead, but who or what puts those tools there? is there something greater than I that I chose not to accept?
I don't even know if I believe in angels anymore, but if they weren't in my life then how would I know that everything will be ok? how do I know it's the right thing? why am I only afraid for a few moments and then I am over it and moving forward? so many questions! I'm not really writing this entry for any answers. I was just laying in bed watching something and then after it was over I felt this sadness come over me, and then he entered my thoughts, the one I called my angel, the one that is no longer in my life and then I began to cry. Everyone else waits for me with anticipation and excitement except for him, yet he was the reason why I even knew about it, he was almost the reason for doing it and he is no longer there, no longer in my reality. 2X, 2X this week I cried about him, and I missed him so much! but I will not reach out to someone that has only been mean to me for no reason, I cannot be that person anymore, I don't know how to be a victim, because I am no longer one. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt or that I am not human or that I don't cry, because I do and it is ok.
I called him my angel, and I still believe he was, I hope he is well and I hope that one day he will ask me to forgive him for his harsh hurtful words that he used, because I know that he knows deep down inside of him, that I only meant to be good to him, in any capacity that he allowed me to be in his life, even when he pushed me away because he did not know what genuine looks like. I am just glad I never asked for anything, because I only want to get, what someone is willing to give, never more.
Journal, Jazzy is sad tonight. Sweetest of dreams.......
I leave you with Madonna - Playground
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMHRq7yGdkA
How do you call a human an angel and they fear you and run away because of it? will I ever understand the reasons no matter how hard I study or how hard I try to figure it out? is there a path that we have to follow in order to get to a place we are supposed to be at? I don't know, I can't explain so many things that have happened to me in the last few years. The events that have led me to now. Maybe it's just that before I wasn't paying attention and then when I finally began to I was able to see that there are just things that are tools and signs that we must follow and that is the life we are supposed to lead, but who or what puts those tools there? is there something greater than I that I chose not to accept?
I don't even know if I believe in angels anymore, but if they weren't in my life then how would I know that everything will be ok? how do I know it's the right thing? why am I only afraid for a few moments and then I am over it and moving forward? so many questions! I'm not really writing this entry for any answers. I was just laying in bed watching something and then after it was over I felt this sadness come over me, and then he entered my thoughts, the one I called my angel, the one that is no longer in my life and then I began to cry. Everyone else waits for me with anticipation and excitement except for him, yet he was the reason why I even knew about it, he was almost the reason for doing it and he is no longer there, no longer in my reality. 2X, 2X this week I cried about him, and I missed him so much! but I will not reach out to someone that has only been mean to me for no reason, I cannot be that person anymore, I don't know how to be a victim, because I am no longer one. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt or that I am not human or that I don't cry, because I do and it is ok.
I called him my angel, and I still believe he was, I hope he is well and I hope that one day he will ask me to forgive him for his harsh hurtful words that he used, because I know that he knows deep down inside of him, that I only meant to be good to him, in any capacity that he allowed me to be in his life, even when he pushed me away because he did not know what genuine looks like. I am just glad I never asked for anything, because I only want to get, what someone is willing to give, never more.
Journal, Jazzy is sad tonight. Sweetest of dreams.......
I leave you with Madonna - Playground
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMHRq7yGdkA
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