Dear Journal -
I feel like I keep apologizing every single time I come on this my sweet space on the internet! I have to apologize! because I keep neglecting you, I think of you all the time, I really do! what will I write? what will I call the post? should I talk about xyz? and then I get wrapped up in my lazy ways and just sort of loose the momentum. I wanted to write to you at midnight tonight, because in a few hours I will be heading to the airport for my second trip to Europe! I am super excited and yet I feel like it's just another trip! what has happened to me journal? have I lost myself some way? why is it that sometimes I don't find a trill in anything at all almost? I have no idea, I can honestly say that I do not but still I want to share this with you because it will be fun I am sure of it.
So how come I'm going to Europe you may be asking? well, the story goes something like this! when I first moved to Colorado almost a year ago next month, I met a really wonderful person and for purposes of this post I will call him DJ Bass or actually that is his DJ name hehe... anyway, him and I met at a techno/house warehouse rave in Denver and it turned out that we lived literally a mile away from each other in Fort Collins that's my town! anyway, I am positive that I wrote about him before but I am too sleepy to look for the post to link it to this one which is why I'm giving this short description of our story. DJ Bass turned out to be my very first boyfriend in almost 7 years! YES HE DID! he and I were an official couple and everyone knew about us, including our parents! THAT'S HUGE! for me. Anyway, things didn't work out between us (more on that another day) but DJ B and I stayed good friends. DJ B's mom lives in Germany because that is where she is originally from, DJ B visits his mom every year for the holidays, like every year, he left to spend time with his mom back in November and when he arrived I got a txt message from him telling me that he was in Germany and wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving! when I saw his message I was a bit annoyed (more on that another time) but I wrote back because as annoyed as I was, I was also happy to hear from him. We began chatting and I told him I wanted to visit him and his answers was.... COME ON! he knows me well enough to know that my word is my bond, so when he said come on, I was like "I'm serious" and he was like "so am I" so a few weeks later I purchased my ticket and here I am the night before my trip telling you this story.
It will be very nice to see DJ Bass, I have not seen him since October, so it will be great to get some hugs and kisses and well... you know! I love spending time with him because he is really smart and funny and treats me like a princes! he does whatever he can to make me feel happy and of course I reciprocate. I would like to write about how much fun we are going to have together, but I am really sleepy, so instead I will take my laptop with me and write some more about my plans once I arrive and see him and my trip actually begins.
But before I go to bed, there is just one thing that I want to write. Many years ago, someone who meant a great deal to me, sent me a message from the airport and in the message it said that every time he was going to get on a plane, he always thought about what he wanted to tell people "just in case" I was so nervous to ask him what he wanted to tell me, that I just simply said that I knew nothing was going to happen to him, but the nature of his message led me to believe that there was something he wished to tell me and maybe I didn't give him the opportunity to say it. Tonight, I can't help but to think of him and wonder what it was that he wanted to tell me "just in case" but there is something that I do want to write to him "just in case" I want him to know that there is still almost not one day that doesn't go by that I don't wonder how he is doing, and that I don't wish we could be friends. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that he is engaged, It makes me angry when I think about it. One night, I allowed myself to hate him, to curse him out, to hate her, to be angry with my thoughts and with my words and then I cried and then after I let out all that anger, I allowed love to enter my heart and clean all those terrible sentiments away and in that moment I felt peace, and with all my love I wished him happiness. So.... "just in case" there is someone who still thinks of you fondly, who will always love you in some sort of way and who wishes you all the best in your new life with the woman you chose. I'm going to Germany tomorrow, to hang out with someone super special and one of the reasons why I dated him was because he resembled you so much, how crazy am I?
So journal.... "just in case" I love you!
ps. "just in case" I miss my friend AJ very much!
I feel like I keep apologizing every single time I come on this my sweet space on the internet! I have to apologize! because I keep neglecting you, I think of you all the time, I really do! what will I write? what will I call the post? should I talk about xyz? and then I get wrapped up in my lazy ways and just sort of loose the momentum. I wanted to write to you at midnight tonight, because in a few hours I will be heading to the airport for my second trip to Europe! I am super excited and yet I feel like it's just another trip! what has happened to me journal? have I lost myself some way? why is it that sometimes I don't find a trill in anything at all almost? I have no idea, I can honestly say that I do not but still I want to share this with you because it will be fun I am sure of it.
So how come I'm going to Europe you may be asking? well, the story goes something like this! when I first moved to Colorado almost a year ago next month, I met a really wonderful person and for purposes of this post I will call him DJ Bass or actually that is his DJ name hehe... anyway, him and I met at a techno/house warehouse rave in Denver and it turned out that we lived literally a mile away from each other in Fort Collins that's my town! anyway, I am positive that I wrote about him before but I am too sleepy to look for the post to link it to this one which is why I'm giving this short description of our story. DJ Bass turned out to be my very first boyfriend in almost 7 years! YES HE DID! he and I were an official couple and everyone knew about us, including our parents! THAT'S HUGE! for me. Anyway, things didn't work out between us (more on that another day) but DJ B and I stayed good friends. DJ B's mom lives in Germany because that is where she is originally from, DJ B visits his mom every year for the holidays, like every year, he left to spend time with his mom back in November and when he arrived I got a txt message from him telling me that he was in Germany and wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving! when I saw his message I was a bit annoyed (more on that another time) but I wrote back because as annoyed as I was, I was also happy to hear from him. We began chatting and I told him I wanted to visit him and his answers was.... COME ON! he knows me well enough to know that my word is my bond, so when he said come on, I was like "I'm serious" and he was like "so am I" so a few weeks later I purchased my ticket and here I am the night before my trip telling you this story.
It will be very nice to see DJ Bass, I have not seen him since October, so it will be great to get some hugs and kisses and well... you know! I love spending time with him because he is really smart and funny and treats me like a princes! he does whatever he can to make me feel happy and of course I reciprocate. I would like to write about how much fun we are going to have together, but I am really sleepy, so instead I will take my laptop with me and write some more about my plans once I arrive and see him and my trip actually begins.
But before I go to bed, there is just one thing that I want to write. Many years ago, someone who meant a great deal to me, sent me a message from the airport and in the message it said that every time he was going to get on a plane, he always thought about what he wanted to tell people "just in case" I was so nervous to ask him what he wanted to tell me, that I just simply said that I knew nothing was going to happen to him, but the nature of his message led me to believe that there was something he wished to tell me and maybe I didn't give him the opportunity to say it. Tonight, I can't help but to think of him and wonder what it was that he wanted to tell me "just in case" but there is something that I do want to write to him "just in case" I want him to know that there is still almost not one day that doesn't go by that I don't wonder how he is doing, and that I don't wish we could be friends. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that he is engaged, It makes me angry when I think about it. One night, I allowed myself to hate him, to curse him out, to hate her, to be angry with my thoughts and with my words and then I cried and then after I let out all that anger, I allowed love to enter my heart and clean all those terrible sentiments away and in that moment I felt peace, and with all my love I wished him happiness. So.... "just in case" there is someone who still thinks of you fondly, who will always love you in some sort of way and who wishes you all the best in your new life with the woman you chose. I'm going to Germany tomorrow, to hang out with someone super special and one of the reasons why I dated him was because he resembled you so much, how crazy am I?
So journal.... "just in case" I love you!
ps. "just in case" I miss my friend AJ very much!
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