Dear journal -
My weekend started out really good! for starters, well I don't really know where to start so let me start from the beginning and try to do it as quickly as possible! So a little over a month ago, I didn't only meet one guy the one I wrote about in a previous post titled the one that could, around the same time I had met someone else. This second person I barely saw but we talked a lot, but most of the time all he managed to do was piss me off really really bad! mainly, because he was being a little intense and also not true to his word. Long story short, for the month we started to get to know each other, we mainly argued, it was sort of frustrating and very annoying! Anyway, about a week back I had a conversation with my I guess for a lack of better term, friend with benefits who I didn't barely talk to, but was being intimate with, with him though it was all a very physical thing but I was starting to get very confused about everything, then I finally decided that I was just going to be done with everyone and just sort of chill out for a while and do my freedom thing that I'm so good at!
So, I first told my quote on quote "friend" how I was feeling and where I was with what he and I had going on, and I was pretty much told that I didn't have a chance in hell with him, which I had never really thought about it past what we were already doing, bt then after leaving his apartment that night I thought to myself....OUCH! well I'm glad I'm at least good for ONE thing in this world! I think a day later or so, I hear from the second person, the one I was not even thinking about talking to again, the one I only argued with. He all of a sudden, re appeared after like almost a week, and although I had been thinking about him, I was just so done with people, I was sort of bitchy to him because all he had managed to do up until that point was piss me off!
So, bachelor #2 sends me a message and promises he was going to stop doing what he was doing, give him one last chance, yada yada, so I said OK! one last but I swear!!! so that's how this story sort of starts! so I told him he could sleep over my apt. and the minute he gets to my place my daughter has all these questions. Who is he? and why is he here? and is he going to sleep with you? and so I tell her he is my friend yes he is sleeping over and that night we hung out, watched some television and then we all went to sleep. Sleeping with him felt very comfortable, after all the fighting we had done this last past month, being with him felt natural, I literally knocked out cold and it felt so nice to have someone to cuddle with! I kept thinking to myself, now see, I can totally get used to this! Honestly speaking I have only brought two maybe three men around my kids since I have been single and I have been single for 8 years now. I mean yes I had a boyfriend last year, but before him, It was 7 years that my kids only ever met people as my friends. Saturday we had breakfast and spent the whole day together! my favorite part was all the kissing we snuck in while my daughter wasn't paying attention! yum! KISSING! my favorite!
Fast forward to that evening, I get dressed up as a zombie bride, I'm having a blast, we are out I start having vodka/soda and the next thing I know, I'm pretty much hammered! so, now I'm hammered and I bump into bachelor #1 my for a lack of better term "ex" FWB stupid term right? but yeah, I bump into him, and I had somehow lost bachelor #2 because he had left to do something somewhere! anyway, at this point, I'm drunk and just having fun! so "ex" FWB is dancing, I start dancing close to him, he turns around and says to me.... "I don't really want to dance with anyone!" which I'm pretty sure he really meant, I don't want to dance with you! BASTARD! I was sooooo pissed off when he did that, like dude..... FUCK YOU! it isn't that serious! but now, the logical Jaz, the one that probably wouldn't have even talked to "ex" FWB if I had been sober, turns into the raging, angry, Brooklyn bitch that won't allow some guy to diss her! so now I see him leave and I'm like, I'm going also! I already knew where he was going, since there is literally like 2 bars everyone sort of goes too! so now I'm at that bar, one of his friends shares with me that he and I used to talk on a dating site called Tagged when I still lived in NYC, so now I'm really drunk and confused thinking, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE??? WHAT THE FUCK! how do these random things happen to me? like what are the chances in hell that someone I used to talk to almost 3 years ago maybe even more, one, remembers me and two, turns out to be friends with my "ex" FWB!!!! that shit blew me away! and that is the last I remember of the night until two days later when the dreaded story comes to me from the lips of my cousin! so here goes the story.... BRACE YOURSELF JOURNAL! THIS SHIT GETS UGLY!
Next day I wake up, I have a ton of messages from bachelor #2 who had gone missing, except he didn't really go missing, he was looking for me but I was so busy trying to restore my ego, that I had forgotten about him. I have a bruise on my face and a swollen eye, and my cousin isn't speaking to me! FUCK MY LIFE! I was so scared to ask what I had done! but I waited a day and asked my cousin and he told me I was a hot mess but also told me that this really really hot tall guy that I was talking to at some point of the night had said to him that I was really beautiful! and I was dressed as a ZOMBIE! so you know I was flattered to hear that! but then he also starts telling me about all the ridiculous shit I did and I was truly mortified, because I know better than to act that way. So, I send "ex" FWB a message to apologize and then when he finally responds which I honestly wasn't even expecting a response, I get back an almost mean response like..... yeah, your behavior was inappropriate I didn't like how you acted and I don't want to talk about it so have a good day. OH MY GOD! I was FUMING when I read that message! REALLY ASSHOLE? like I'm so sorry for not making a responsible decision and drinking more than I could handle and I already said I messed up so thank you for re-iterating the obvious! at least I was apologizing, I could of just forgotten about it, but instead I did the adult thing and owned my actions. So yeah, thanks so much FOR BEING MEAN!
Journal, I don't get it, like why are men so mean sometimes? like all I ever was with this character was legit and honest! I was friendly to him, I gave him my body! like I wrote something nice about him on my journal! I gave him respect and space! and I make one mistake and all of a sudden I'm this bad person, the stalker? this ALWAYS happens to me for being nice and being honest and being legit! but once again journal, this will not make me change! this was probably pay back for things I have done to people that I am not proud of. This was karma at it's finest! just comes to show that karma is true! that what you do to others comes back around!
Anyway, I know that this post is a little bit much and there is A LOT of negative anger on here, but anger is just a reaction to hurt so ultimately, I felt really hurt by this person, this person who I had really fond feelings for, this person who I had a really good impression of, this person who for a little over a month, I shared a lot of intimate moments with, who I laughed with, who I shared some conversations with, who I legitimately thought was really cool! but, he is probably going through his own life drama and so I will find it in me to not judge to harsh, to get over this little incident and to always try to remember him fondly, because I only want good feelings in my heart! I will not let situations dirty my soul with anger and or hate or grudges. It was a day, a mistake a moment in time that has now passed!
I will end this post on a positive note. What I didn't tell you, is that when bachelor #2 came back to my apt. after I realized all the calls I had received from him. I told him EVERYTHING! I told him about my "FWB" what had happened the night before, how I felt about the FWB and about him, how I had acted like a fool, I just opened up! and doing that made us closer! he held me and told me he wasn't mad and he was sorry he had left me, he kissed me and thanked me for being honest and then we proceeded to decide that we were going to give this thing a chance! this long month back and forth fighting thing must mean something! and so when my daughter asked us later that day if we were boyfriend and girlfriend, he looked at me and told her to ask me, I looked at him with a smile and said, yeah.... I guess he can be my boyfriend! and that's how due to a drunk crazy night, I ended up with my new boyfriend! BACHELOR #2 turned out to be my number 1 man! so you see journal, sometimes crazy nights end up in a positive note! I gotta go now, my number one is texting me! yay! my new man!
My weekend started out really good! for starters, well I don't really know where to start so let me start from the beginning and try to do it as quickly as possible! So a little over a month ago, I didn't only meet one guy the one I wrote about in a previous post titled the one that could, around the same time I had met someone else. This second person I barely saw but we talked a lot, but most of the time all he managed to do was piss me off really really bad! mainly, because he was being a little intense and also not true to his word. Long story short, for the month we started to get to know each other, we mainly argued, it was sort of frustrating and very annoying! Anyway, about a week back I had a conversation with my I guess for a lack of better term, friend with benefits who I didn't barely talk to, but was being intimate with, with him though it was all a very physical thing but I was starting to get very confused about everything, then I finally decided that I was just going to be done with everyone and just sort of chill out for a while and do my freedom thing that I'm so good at!
So, I first told my quote on quote "friend" how I was feeling and where I was with what he and I had going on, and I was pretty much told that I didn't have a chance in hell with him, which I had never really thought about it past what we were already doing, bt then after leaving his apartment that night I thought to myself....OUCH! well I'm glad I'm at least good for ONE thing in this world! I think a day later or so, I hear from the second person, the one I was not even thinking about talking to again, the one I only argued with. He all of a sudden, re appeared after like almost a week, and although I had been thinking about him, I was just so done with people, I was sort of bitchy to him because all he had managed to do up until that point was piss me off!
So, bachelor #2 sends me a message and promises he was going to stop doing what he was doing, give him one last chance, yada yada, so I said OK! one last but I swear!!! so that's how this story sort of starts! so I told him he could sleep over my apt. and the minute he gets to my place my daughter has all these questions. Who is he? and why is he here? and is he going to sleep with you? and so I tell her he is my friend yes he is sleeping over and that night we hung out, watched some television and then we all went to sleep. Sleeping with him felt very comfortable, after all the fighting we had done this last past month, being with him felt natural, I literally knocked out cold and it felt so nice to have someone to cuddle with! I kept thinking to myself, now see, I can totally get used to this! Honestly speaking I have only brought two maybe three men around my kids since I have been single and I have been single for 8 years now. I mean yes I had a boyfriend last year, but before him, It was 7 years that my kids only ever met people as my friends. Saturday we had breakfast and spent the whole day together! my favorite part was all the kissing we snuck in while my daughter wasn't paying attention! yum! KISSING! my favorite!
Fast forward to that evening, I get dressed up as a zombie bride, I'm having a blast, we are out I start having vodka/soda and the next thing I know, I'm pretty much hammered! so, now I'm hammered and I bump into bachelor #1 my for a lack of better term "ex" FWB stupid term right? but yeah, I bump into him, and I had somehow lost bachelor #2 because he had left to do something somewhere! anyway, at this point, I'm drunk and just having fun! so "ex" FWB is dancing, I start dancing close to him, he turns around and says to me.... "I don't really want to dance with anyone!" which I'm pretty sure he really meant, I don't want to dance with you! BASTARD! I was sooooo pissed off when he did that, like dude..... FUCK YOU! it isn't that serious! but now, the logical Jaz, the one that probably wouldn't have even talked to "ex" FWB if I had been sober, turns into the raging, angry, Brooklyn bitch that won't allow some guy to diss her! so now I see him leave and I'm like, I'm going also! I already knew where he was going, since there is literally like 2 bars everyone sort of goes too! so now I'm at that bar, one of his friends shares with me that he and I used to talk on a dating site called Tagged when I still lived in NYC, so now I'm really drunk and confused thinking, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE??? WHAT THE FUCK! how do these random things happen to me? like what are the chances in hell that someone I used to talk to almost 3 years ago maybe even more, one, remembers me and two, turns out to be friends with my "ex" FWB!!!! that shit blew me away! and that is the last I remember of the night until two days later when the dreaded story comes to me from the lips of my cousin! so here goes the story.... BRACE YOURSELF JOURNAL! THIS SHIT GETS UGLY!
Next day I wake up, I have a ton of messages from bachelor #2 who had gone missing, except he didn't really go missing, he was looking for me but I was so busy trying to restore my ego, that I had forgotten about him. I have a bruise on my face and a swollen eye, and my cousin isn't speaking to me! FUCK MY LIFE! I was so scared to ask what I had done! but I waited a day and asked my cousin and he told me I was a hot mess but also told me that this really really hot tall guy that I was talking to at some point of the night had said to him that I was really beautiful! and I was dressed as a ZOMBIE! so you know I was flattered to hear that! but then he also starts telling me about all the ridiculous shit I did and I was truly mortified, because I know better than to act that way. So, I send "ex" FWB a message to apologize and then when he finally responds which I honestly wasn't even expecting a response, I get back an almost mean response like..... yeah, your behavior was inappropriate I didn't like how you acted and I don't want to talk about it so have a good day. OH MY GOD! I was FUMING when I read that message! REALLY ASSHOLE? like I'm so sorry for not making a responsible decision and drinking more than I could handle and I already said I messed up so thank you for re-iterating the obvious! at least I was apologizing, I could of just forgotten about it, but instead I did the adult thing and owned my actions. So yeah, thanks so much FOR BEING MEAN!
Journal, I don't get it, like why are men so mean sometimes? like all I ever was with this character was legit and honest! I was friendly to him, I gave him my body! like I wrote something nice about him on my journal! I gave him respect and space! and I make one mistake and all of a sudden I'm this bad person, the stalker? this ALWAYS happens to me for being nice and being honest and being legit! but once again journal, this will not make me change! this was probably pay back for things I have done to people that I am not proud of. This was karma at it's finest! just comes to show that karma is true! that what you do to others comes back around!
Anyway, I know that this post is a little bit much and there is A LOT of negative anger on here, but anger is just a reaction to hurt so ultimately, I felt really hurt by this person, this person who I had really fond feelings for, this person who I had a really good impression of, this person who for a little over a month, I shared a lot of intimate moments with, who I laughed with, who I shared some conversations with, who I legitimately thought was really cool! but, he is probably going through his own life drama and so I will find it in me to not judge to harsh, to get over this little incident and to always try to remember him fondly, because I only want good feelings in my heart! I will not let situations dirty my soul with anger and or hate or grudges. It was a day, a mistake a moment in time that has now passed!
I will end this post on a positive note. What I didn't tell you, is that when bachelor #2 came back to my apt. after I realized all the calls I had received from him. I told him EVERYTHING! I told him about my "FWB" what had happened the night before, how I felt about the FWB and about him, how I had acted like a fool, I just opened up! and doing that made us closer! he held me and told me he wasn't mad and he was sorry he had left me, he kissed me and thanked me for being honest and then we proceeded to decide that we were going to give this thing a chance! this long month back and forth fighting thing must mean something! and so when my daughter asked us later that day if we were boyfriend and girlfriend, he looked at me and told her to ask me, I looked at him with a smile and said, yeah.... I guess he can be my boyfriend! and that's how due to a drunk crazy night, I ended up with my new boyfriend! BACHELOR #2 turned out to be my number 1 man! so you see journal, sometimes crazy nights end up in a positive note! I gotta go now, my number one is texting me! yay! my new man!
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