Dear journal -
Life has been a bit much lately and I don't really want to talk about it, so instead, I decided to write my book report! I have not written about a book in some time, and I'm not sure how this post will carry out as I honestly haven't finished the book because it's been really hard to read and concentrate on what I'm reading lately, however, I really do want to write about it.
The only thing I do want to share journal, is that the end of last month and this month so far, has been really hard for me. I am going through so much! I feel really lost and sad, I feel like I lost a whole lot and yet I also feel like I am finally loving myself for the very first time in my whole life! for the first time, I choose me! I don't know how to be selfish because I usually am not, but I want to be, because why not?
I just cried a little while ago reading a post from 2011, that appeared on my list of most recently read blog posts. I never know who reads my journal, but it will give me statuses such as, how many visits I am getting and what posts have been visited. I love that, because someone will read a post I completely forgot about and then it will come up I will read it and feel all sorts of things! This post from 2011, I specifically remember when I wrote it. It was one of the last times I saw Benjamin Nunez on the 1 train in NYC. He got off on 14th street Union Square and that was the last time I set my eyes on him. I will never forget the way my heart felt heavy as the train rode away and I saw his silhouette become smaller. The silhouette, which coincidentally is the picture I have as my journal picture. That silhouette was once his blog picture and I stole it at first and then asked him if I could have it. I wrote about it and I will share the link to that post at the end of this one.
So, why do men love bitches according to author Sherry Argov? I've still yet to understand why? what I get out of this book is what we all pretty much know, which is.... men like to chase and if the more they have to chase you the more they want you! She pretty much goes into details about how to be chased and play the "game" to me, this is all bullshit! I literally hate being chased! it feels so fake! if I like someone and they like me, there will be non of that, so basically, I'm not going to play some game so that someone will "want me" the fuck! however, everything she says is true, all the tips and tricks are valid, I know for a fact that if you have the energy for all of that bullshit then sure, you will likely get the man you want, but why the fuck would I want to do all that work to "get" someone? I want someone to want me because they see me! they value me, they respect me, they think I'm great! no game required! every single person I've ever been in a serious committed relationship with, there have been no games played, at least not initially! my last relationship though, I definitely during the relationship found myself playing the "cat and mouse game" whenever my ex and I were going through stuff, I naturally would pull away and the more he felt that he was loosing me, the harder he would work to "get me back" but then, once we made up and things were good, we would stop the "game."
I have never been the type of woman who will like, fall for someone because they chased me, I definitely have seen how everything she says in the book is valid though, because I've "played the game" without meaning too! By this I mean that I have rejected people in the past that wouldn't take no for an answer and this gave them more like incentive to "keep trying" except I legitimately didn't want them too and it became really frustrating! I am very honest about my feelings always have been. Even as a teenager when I didn't really know about the "chase" if I didn't like a boy I would be like, I'm sorry, I just don't like you!
I do admit that at one point in my life I was like, well, what if I give this friend a chance maybe I'll eventually see him for what he is and fall in love with him. Unfortunately, that never happened! when I am going to like someone, I know right then and there! if I don't like you romantically right then and there, I will never feel that way for that person. This is just who I am, I HATE being chased! now, that doesn't mean that if I like someone and they show me attention I don't like it! obviously when I like someone romantically I want to be showered with it, but other than that, I feel so bad to turn someone down, it always feels crappy!
I have met women in my life time that thrive on this! they know the "game" and have gotten even fake boobs out of it! ugh! I could never use someone and play with their feelings to gain material things, but I've watched it happened so many times! sometimes I used to feel awkward when I knew a girlfriend of mine didn't really like someone and was just using them for whatever they were getting out of it. Now, I always tell girlfriends.... If you don't like him, don't lead him on, that's not cool! Karma is real!
So I guess my review of this book is, if you want to learn about men and like their evolutionary behavior, then knock yourself out! read it! enjoy! learn some tricks of the trade I don't know what else to say about it! But, if you have studied human behavior or evolution or any of the likes, then I would say it might not be as an interesting read as it would be if you didn't know all these things!
At the end of the day, I don't think any man would love a bitch! I believe that a man wants to be loved just as hard as a woman does! Male emotions are very deep, very beautiful, very hard to understand and very complicated not only to themselves, but also to us women! while I understand them some times, I still don't always get them!
https://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2011/04/story-of-silhouette.html
https://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2011/05/story-of-silhouette-part-ii.html
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