PHILOSOPHY WORKS!
January 17, 2011 I embarked on a mission to find closure, to close an episode of my life that had become bigger than me, something that had consumed me for too long. I was ready to move on with my life. For some strange reason, I felt like something had changed inside of me. In actuality, this change had began to take place in late August when in one of my classes I had met someone incredibly wonderful. This person who sort of changed the way I had been seeing things for a really long time and also helped me realize that for too long, I had wasted too much energy on something that was out of my control. Or maybe, meeting this person made me realize that there are so many other wonderful human beings out there and that I just had to look beyond what I was looking and look at the bigger picture. Regardless of what or why all these events took place around the same time is beyond me, but I knew that I was ready to look forward and let go of the past. I wanted to find spiritual happiness to find balance and peace within.
January 17, 2011 I embarked on a mission to find closure, to close an episode of my life that had become bigger than me, something that had consumed me for too long. I was ready to move on with my life. For some strange reason, I felt like something had changed inside of me. In actuality, this change had began to take place in late August when in one of my classes I had met someone incredibly wonderful. This person who sort of changed the way I had been seeing things for a really long time and also helped me realize that for too long, I had wasted too much energy on something that was out of my control. Or maybe, meeting this person made me realize that there are so many other wonderful human beings out there and that I just had to look beyond what I was looking and look at the bigger picture. Regardless of what or why all these events took place around the same time is beyond me, but I knew that I was ready to look forward and let go of the past. I wanted to find spiritual happiness to find balance and peace within.
I had seen the poster in every train I took in NYC, and the first time I ever saw it all I cared about was the fact that the topic was PHILOSOPHY! Even writing that out makes me all excited! Because philosophy is simply THAT AWESOME! I enjoy Philosophy, because it applies to all things and everyone. In addition, throughout history including to date, all the great leaders of our time have had philosophical thinkers as their guides. These individuals with great minds assist leaders in every day decisions that affect the rest of us. Philosophy is no religion, it is not some crazy belief. Philosophy is simply, the way things are in their simplest form. I like simple or at least, I try to find simplicity in all things, as to me simple is just better. The whole time I saw these advertisements on the trains I felt extremely drawn to them, but I had never looked into it because all I could think of was that it was probably an expensive course and not only would I probably not have the money, but I didn't have enough time. In fine print it said $90 as the price, but because Philosophy is so awesome, I kept thinking that maybe that was a trick to lead you to call and then once they got you there all kinds of other fees would start to get added to the price. Needles to say, I just never really looked into it further.
Then one day, when I was stalking the man that I love’s Facebook page (yes I always looked at his page and don’t act like you don’t do it either! not stalk the man that I love’s page obviously, but the man/woman you loves page) I would always look at it, because I missed him and wanted to know how he was doing. One day as I was reading through his status updates, he announced to the world (his page is public as is mine) that he would be attending the School of Practical Philosophy and that is all I needed to see! OMG! Philosophy and the man I love in one same room!!! could this type of emotion and excitement be even remotely possible???
After debating for the first day and telling myself that this was crazy and that I wasn't going to go, the next day after waking up with a clear head that I should NOT go. I walk into the train and the first thing I see as I enter the train, is "the sign" literally the sign (advertisement) for the class. At that point, it was clear to me that it was time for me to face my fear, him! I say this, because I have written about him before many times. He was a friend for a long time who I fell in love with and later we stopped talking if you have been following my blog then you would know who I am referring to, if not, then you can read this post http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2011/02/fuck-him.html and get familiarized with the story. I signed up for the class in that day as soon as I had a chance, that was in late October and for the three months that followed, I began to prepare mentally and emotionally for that day to come. I would be seeing him for the first time in 18 months, on January, 17 2011. The funny thing was, that on that same exact day 10 Years earlier, I had gotten married to the man I loved at that time. It was very weird that on this date exactly, I would be seeing the person that had actually helped me through a very difficult time in my life. He had been my friend and known all the things that I was experiencing at the very end of my marriage. He had been my best friend from the middle of my pregnancy with my last child. And had witnessed as I went through what I now believe to have been post partum depression.
January, 17 th arrived all too soon. The day finally had come, and I was overwhelmed with fear and excitement. I got off of the train on 77 street, talking to myself telling myself to breath and that everything would be alright and all of a sudden as I was walking towards the address I looked up from my deep thoughts and our eyes met (him the person I was looking to face). Yes, I am not making this up! I swear it! It turns out that we were both on the street looking for the building and as I was walking and looked up, there he was also walking and he looked up as well, it was like those scenes in the movie where the two people that have not seen each other in years are walking down the street and they are caught in their thoughts but all of a sudden they both look up and there that person is, right in front of them. I know that this seems like I am making it up, but it was really that way, it was surreal. My heart dropped and my stomach felt sick. When he saw me he kept walking, I’m sure that he saw me but I think he was stunned also. After my initial panic wore down, I looked back to make sure I wasn’t seeing things and I told myself go after him. I went after him tapped him on the shoulder and greeted him. I believe that he was pleasantly surprised to see me and I began walking with my friend towards the school. It was so strange the way we bumped into each other, because we were really really far from the school, he was actually going the wrong way. So it was pure coincidence how we met on that street. What were the odds that we would be walking on the same side walk at that same time and about a half hour before the class was scheduled to start? Regardless, I had let him know in advance that I would be attending the class and he had also looked at the participant list and saw my name, so it wasn’t a complete surprise to us, yet it was still a very strange feeling of relief, to see my friend again.
I wrote this post about two months ago, but just had not published it. I am now editing it but below is what I wrote about how I was feeling at that time…………………………………………………………………………………..
After debating for the first day and telling myself that this was crazy and that I wasn't going to go, the next day after waking up with a clear head that I should NOT go. I walk into the train and the first thing I see as I enter the train, is "the sign" literally the sign (advertisement) for the class. At that point, it was clear to me that it was time for me to face my fear, him! I say this, because I have written about him before many times. He was a friend for a long time who I fell in love with and later we stopped talking if you have been following my blog then you would know who I am referring to, if not, then you can read this post http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2011/02/fuck-him.html and get familiarized with the story. I signed up for the class in that day as soon as I had a chance, that was in late October and for the three months that followed, I began to prepare mentally and emotionally for that day to come. I would be seeing him for the first time in 18 months, on January, 17 2011. The funny thing was, that on that same exact day 10 Years earlier, I had gotten married to the man I loved at that time. It was very weird that on this date exactly, I would be seeing the person that had actually helped me through a very difficult time in my life. He had been my friend and known all the things that I was experiencing at the very end of my marriage. He had been my best friend from the middle of my pregnancy with my last child. And had witnessed as I went through what I now believe to have been post partum depression.
January, 17 th arrived all too soon. The day finally had come, and I was overwhelmed with fear and excitement. I got off of the train on 77 street, talking to myself telling myself to breath and that everything would be alright and all of a sudden as I was walking towards the address I looked up from my deep thoughts and our eyes met (him the person I was looking to face). Yes, I am not making this up! I swear it! It turns out that we were both on the street looking for the building and as I was walking and looked up, there he was also walking and he looked up as well, it was like those scenes in the movie where the two people that have not seen each other in years are walking down the street and they are caught in their thoughts but all of a sudden they both look up and there that person is, right in front of them. I know that this seems like I am making it up, but it was really that way, it was surreal. My heart dropped and my stomach felt sick. When he saw me he kept walking, I’m sure that he saw me but I think he was stunned also. After my initial panic wore down, I looked back to make sure I wasn’t seeing things and I told myself go after him. I went after him tapped him on the shoulder and greeted him. I believe that he was pleasantly surprised to see me and I began walking with my friend towards the school. It was so strange the way we bumped into each other, because we were really really far from the school, he was actually going the wrong way. So it was pure coincidence how we met on that street. What were the odds that we would be walking on the same side walk at that same time and about a half hour before the class was scheduled to start? Regardless, I had let him know in advance that I would be attending the class and he had also looked at the participant list and saw my name, so it wasn’t a complete surprise to us, yet it was still a very strange feeling of relief, to see my friend again.
I wrote this post about two months ago, but just had not published it. I am now editing it but below is what I wrote about how I was feeling at that time…………………………………………………………………………………..
I will just write exactly what I am feeling in this very moment (this is me saying this 2 months ago) as I write this. After the first class him and I talked and I didn't feel right about it, I love the class however it was amazing! After that first class, I decided not to go back on the same days as he (you have an option as to when to attend) because I wanted to avoid him as I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable by being around them (not that he seemed uncomfortable). After that, I went to 3 other classes with him, because I really enjoyed the group and I had had the opportunity on the very first class, to meet some really interesting wonderful people. When I went there, I felt a sense of peace even when I was in the same room with him. We felt comfortable because we both knew who we were and we both knew that it was ok. Still, I didn’t want to go every week so I purposely took a class in my college on the same days I knew he would attend the philosophy workshop, as to force myself to stay away.
The week before the philosophy classes ended, I decided that I would go again so that I could say my goodbye to the man I love. I felt good about it. I went and the teacher asked the group, if we had gotten out of the class, what we had expected. In that moment, I was going to share with the class that I had come to the philosophy workshop for two loves, my love of philosophy and my love for one man, but then I decided that that was too personal and that although no one in the class would of known it was him, it was better to keep it between us. I also realized in that moment that I had learned a tremendous amount of things by attending these classes/workshops. One was, that sometimes in life, it is better to just keep it things to yourself and that no words are required.
After class, we all left as a group as we usually would. While we were standing in the train station I told him I had came to these classes for two reasons one was he the other was the subject matter, he knew I was been honest with him as I always have been. I also told him that I was torn, because I would not be attending the next semester of the series as I had to study more for my college courses because my grades were falling due to my lack of time.
The week before the philosophy classes ended, I decided that I would go again so that I could say my goodbye to the man I love. I felt good about it. I went and the teacher asked the group, if we had gotten out of the class, what we had expected. In that moment, I was going to share with the class that I had come to the philosophy workshop for two loves, my love of philosophy and my love for one man, but then I decided that that was too personal and that although no one in the class would of known it was him, it was better to keep it between us. I also realized in that moment that I had learned a tremendous amount of things by attending these classes/workshops. One was, that sometimes in life, it is better to just keep it things to yourself and that no words are required.
After class, we all left as a group as we usually would. While we were standing in the train station I told him I had came to these classes for two reasons one was he the other was the subject matter, he knew I was been honest with him as I always have been. I also told him that I was torn, because I would not be attending the next semester of the series as I had to study more for my college courses because my grades were falling due to my lack of time.
We got on the train and quickly it was time for him to get off the train, when he walked out of the train and said goodbye, once he had completely walked out and the doors closed, I broke down. I knew that this episode of my life had finally come to an end, or rather, I had learned in the last 10 weeks of these philosophy courses, the fundamental understanding of how to live my life in a peaceful happy way, regardless of who had decided not to partake in it anymore. As I cried one of the people from our class was still on the train with me, he was shocked and didn't know what to do, I briefly explained why my tears. He listened and told me it would be alright. His train stop came so fast we couldn't talk anymore, but as he was walking out he said something very sweet and kind to me. He said Jazzy, you are an amazing person! I know for a fact that you will meet someone that will love you back. I believe he was being genuine and sincere. He is also an amazing person and a new friend.
So, why does philosophy work? I got out of this wonderful experience two very important things. One, I learned that I can only control myself, that what I feel is what I feel and that only I can change that by genuinely trying. I learned that although I still feel like I lost my best friend, I know that I gained a few new ones, just some really amazing people who were also there at those sessions at the School of Practical Philosophy sharing their own experiences and learning from each other. I met some very kind genuine people all seeking the same thing, wisdom! Everyone there including my love where attending because they are looking to become better human beings. It is difficult for me to fully describe my learning experience in detail. I don't think that my writing is even good enough for me to express these feelings inside of me. However, if anyone at all asked me if it is worth for them to attend these sessions, I without a doubt would tell them that they were wasting time by NOT attending.
I was actually able to go back to the classes because I had to drop one of my college courses. I am still attending the classes. I am really happy to share, that I am still loving these classes. I truly believe with all of my heart that Philosophy does work, I am seeing life in a very different way and am learning great things about myself and others. Every single time I attend, I learn something new.
If you are interested in knowing more, please read the link below, it’s a NY Times article on the school. What can I say other then…………I’M REALLY HAPPY!
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