A short screenplay without a name.........

Dear Reader: 

Last semester I had to write a screenplay for my creative writing class.  I had never written one but it was a lot of fun to do, I loved writing it.  I got an A- on it, I was proud of me!

I wrote it in sort of the same format of a real play we read in class, called "God's Ear" which I really enjoyed reading.  My professor was a pretty awesome guy who is also a screenwriter/director.  One of my favorite classes ever!

Enjoy!

Scene 1 - A woman and a man are sitting at a restaurant.  The restaurant is small and cozy.  The actors will be having a late lunch, however, the lights on the stage should be dim so that it would appear as though they are having dinner.  The reason for the restaurant to look dark is so that it gives the audience the impression that the two people are having this dinner in the evening, however, in scene two, they will be outside and it will be sunny out. 

Scene 2 – The man and the woman leave the restaurant and will be taking a walk at a near by park.  There should be what looks like a “brick road” which should circle around the inside of the stage.  There should be trees in the back ground and sounds of birds chirping, there should also be a bench placed somewhere, where the actors can walk long enough to play out all of scene two, but where they can end the scene sitting on the bench, so they can walk past the bench a few times, but ultimately end back at the bench where they can sit to end the scene.  The actors should stroll not walk fast, but rather should walk and talk, but at a point they both stop and Joanna walks to the front of the stage facing the audience to recite the poem. 

Scene 3 – An elderly woman is laying on a bed.  A younger woman should be sitting beside her.  The bed should be big and the woman should be sitting on the bed close to the older woman.  The ethnic background of the actors can be any, however, the elderly woman and the young actress should resemble one another in hair type or anything to give the audience the impression that they are related.

The male characters voice should be low and shy, the female characters voice should be a bit louder to demonstrate that he is introverted she is extraverted.

Characters: Ben, Joanna, waitress, Elderly Woman, younger woman (younger woman characters should also be played by actress playing Joanna).

Scene One -

Ben - You look really really good.  I can't believe that I have not seen you now in over 10 years, yet you look just as I remember you. Pause… You don’t change.

Joanna – Nothing has changed (smiles) nothing but the weather (giggle) and it’s Spring!

Ben – Yes, (smiles) Spring, Your favorite.

Joanna – (smiling) It still is.

Ben - Remember the philosophy classes? Those were amazing
 

Joanna – totally!

Ben - (staring at her) Pause… you look as pretty as I remember you that day at the train platform, when you hugged me and said you wouldn't be going back to the classes the following fall.

Joanna - you thought I would go back the next fall didn't you?

Ben – (looks down as to not have eye contact) I did.
 

Joanna - I'm sorry, I couldn't handle it anymore, seeing you every week was torture, there were times I wanted to hug you, times I wanted to slap you, times I wanted to punch you, times I wanted to shake you.  It was such a hard thing to control every single week.  But I kept going back because the classes (sigh)…philosophy my second passion next to you.  But you, you didn’t love me, you didn’t want me, you had not spoken to me in 2 years and although you would talk to me during the classes, you spoke to me as if I was one of the strangers that were attending the classes as well, as if we had never been friends, as if everything that had happened prior to that class, all those letters I had sent you and you had ignored, as if they had never been sent.  I know that you and I had never had a romantic relationship, but we had been friends, we would communicate daily for a little over a year, that was something wasn’t it?

Ben – (looks down at his cup then looks back up)... I'm really sorry, I’m terribly sorry, I was so young and stupid, so young and stupid then.
 

Joanna - I still online date you know...I know that what happened between us was not online dating, I mean after all I did meet you in person before we started interacting virtually.  Remember that building where we met? That place was crazy! but still, our interactions after that initial meeting became virtual so I will always blame the virtual world for what happened between us.  I know in my heart that is where everything went wrong.  If only… (she pauses) If only we would of hung out from time to time, if we would have hung out, it would have never been so awkward.  Yet here I am 10 years later and I’m still part of that world… (actress raises her hands and with her fingers does the quotes sign) “virtual world.”  But I don’t ever bother meeting anyone in person, I just mostly chat.

Ben – I agree, you are so right. (he looks down as he says) I was so young, so young and stupid then, I’m so sorry.  (looks back up) but why is that? why don’t you meet anyone in person?
 

Joanna - useless waste of my time, I rather stay in and write.  At least the words on a paper are all mine and they are all true, no lies being told to me for no reason at all, other than to get into my pants.  Don’t men know? don’t they know they could just get it, you know, my pants, if they asked? Silly men!

Ben - yeah, I know what you mean, I apologize for all of them or should I say, all of us.
 

Joanna - I talk to this one guy who lives out west, he's younger though, you know me, me and my younger men, I don’t know why I still do it, they just bring trouble, maybe I like the challenge? (Giggles) I mean I had some relationships in the last few years.  But I don’t know, they didn’t seem real, and now, now I just don’t care to keep trying, what’s the point.

Note: the next few lines should be said loud and clear and both actors should be staring straight at each other, very mechanical like.

Ben – (staring at her) what's so scary?.... pause….
 

Joanna – (staring at him) Time

Ben - (staring at her) what's so scary?.....pause…..
 

Joanna - (staring at him) People

Ben - (staring at her) what's so scary?.....pause…..
 

Joanna -  (staring at him) You

Ben - (staring at her) what's so scary?.....pause…..

Joanna – (staring at him) Him

Ben - (staring at her) what's so scary?.....pause…..

Joanna – (staring at him) His youth

Ben - (staring at her) what's so scary?.....pause…..

Joanna – (staring at him) Edvard Munch's Scream painting

Ben - What's so scary?
 

Joanna -  (staring at him) You

A short pause.  The waitress walks in and goes to their table

Waitress – Hello, how are you guys doing today? Are you ready to order?

Ben - (looking at Joanna) May I?
 

Joanna - Sure, please

Ben - We will both have the steak dinner
 

Joanna - NO!....(looking at the waitress) Sorry, I'm a vegetarian, he didn’t know.

They continue to talk and the waitress is just standing there watching them.

Ben - Really?
 

Joanna - Yeah, for years now

Ben - Oh wow! I remember you telling me that you really wanted to stop eating beef, that's awesome!
 

Joanna - (looks up at waitress) ill have the veggie burger please
 

Ben - Make that two

They look at each other and both smile.

Waitress – No problem! Two veggie burgers coming right up.

Waitress exits. 

Note: the next few lines should be said loud and clear and both actors should be staring straight at each other, very mechanical like.

Ben - so this guy you talk to, what's he like?
 

Joanna - Dramatic

Ben - What else?
 

Joanna - Intelligent

Ben - What else?
 

Joanna - Handsome

Ben - What else?
 

Joanna - Kind, loving, forgiving, genuine, sincere... Kind of reminds me of a young version or you sort of.

Ben - I looked for you, you know
 

Joanna - Did you?

Ben - Yes
 

Joanna - Where?

Ben - Under my bed
 

Joanna - Where?

Ben - in her eyes
 

Joanna - Where?

Ben - in my dreams
 

Joanna - Where?

Ben - in her kisses
 

Joanna - Where?

Ben - on the city streets
 

Joanna - What happened?

Ben - I didn't find you
 

Joanna - I'm so sorry I bragged about him that day on the train... So many emotions.

Ben – Yeah (looks down)

Waitress walks back in.

Waitress - (placing plates in front of the two) here you go guys! Two veggie burgers! Enjoy.
 

Note: Actors should resume to act natural.

Joanna - we did it! Finally, we are here, sitting together having veggie burgers.
 

Ben - unbelievable!

Joanna - undeniable!
 

Ben - outstanding!

Joanna - Marvelous!

They both giggle and start eating the burgers.  End of scene.

Scene 2 –

Ben – Those burgers were really good

Joanna – Me like (looks at him and smiles)

Ben – (looks at her and smiles) Yes!

Joanna - you have lettuce on your tooth!
 

Ben – (giggles) oops! (Picks his tooth) how is that? (looks at her shyly)

Joanna - All gone! I would of picked it for you, you know
 

Ben - (him shyly looking down) you always embarrass me

Joanna – (Joanna looks down) I will always love you
 

Ben - that's twice in 10 years you tell me that without looking at me

Joanna – (still looking down) That's twice in 10 years I felt your warm embrace
 

Ben - But I treated you wrong

Joanna – (looks up at him) Ben, love holds no grudges
 

Ben - I'm truly sorry!

Joanna – (looking directly at him) I truly do love you!
 

Ben - I don't know what to say

Joanna -Say nothing your eyes give you away

Note: They should now be near the bench and they should stop by the bench look at one another and sound almost mechanical as they say the next few lines.

Ben - What do they say?
 

Joanna - I'm scared

Ben - What do they say?
 

Joanna - Your beautiful

Ben - What do they say?
 

Joanna - I've always loved you

Ben - What do they say?
 

Joanna - I have missed you

Ben - What do they say?
 

Joanna - I've never kissed you

Ben - What do they say?
 

Joanna - I looked for you in everyone, at stores, in laundry rooms, at theme parks, at restaurants, at concerts, at theaters at Operas, at parks, at school, in public restrooms

Ben - How did you know?
 

Joanna - Because I wrote it

Note: They should now sit and act natural again.

Ben - So this guy, the one you talk to, what's he like?
 

Joanna - He helped me to sort of forget you

Ben - Why?
 

Joanna - (sounding very sad and looking down) Because you broke my heart

Ben - I'm sorry! I looked for you everywhere you know.
 

Joanna - You did?

Ben - Yes
 

Joanna – What happened?

Ben – You weren’t any of them

Joanna – Did they write you poems?

Ben – No, no one but you

Joanna – Did you ever like my poems?

Ben – (looking down) I loved them all

Joanna – I waited 10 years to hear that

Ben – (looking up at her) I loved them all

Joanna – I have one here for you, can I read it to you? I didn’t write this one though, someone else wrote it.

Ben – Really? who wrote it?

Joanna – Mary Ruefle

Ben – I’m afraid I don’t know who she is

Joanna – I don’t either, but I was on the train on my way here and I looked up and there it was, a poem, poetry in motion, you know, you seen the poems all over the subways right?

Ben – Yes

Joanna – On my way here I saw the poem and I knew I had to read it to you, while I read it on the train, I felt as if it should somehow become part of our conversation today, I was just riding the train thinking of our meeting after all these years and I looked up and there it was, it appeared magically.

Note: Actress stands up and Ben stays sitting at the bench, actress walks towards the front of the stage facing the audience and recites the poem.

Voyager – By: Mary Ruefle

I have become an orchid

washed in on the salt white beach

Memory

what can I make of it now

that might please you –

this life, already wasted

and still strewn with

miracles?

Note: Joanna walks back to the bench and sits down next to him. 

Joanna - Those men, you know the men I wrote those letters to you about, those men, I had sex with all of them

Note: They should now both sit straight up and act mechanical like as they say the next few lines.

Ben - Why?
 

Joanna - Because I missed you

Ben – Why?
 

Joanna - Because I wanted to forget you

Ben - Why?

Joanna - Because I would think they were you when they were touching me, I would think of you as they penetrated me, I would call your name in my mind as they made noises of pleasure, inside I would laugh to myself and think... You asshole! I'm using you!

Ben – Why?
 

Joanna - Because I didn't give a fuck!

Ben - Why?
 

Joanna - Because I never kissed you

Ben - Why?
 

Joanna - Because you never gave me a chance

Ben - I'm so deeply sorry, I was a young stupid man
 

Joanna - and then I stopped having sex, I just stopped (pause) just like that one day.

Ben - Why?
 

Joanne - Who cares, I had nothing more to give

Ben - I'm sorry, I'm deeply sorry! I was young, such a young man then
 

Joanna - And then I began looking for you.

Ben - Where?
 

Joanna - On the flowers I would photograph

Ben - Where?
 

Joanna - in the eyes of children

Ben - Where?
 

Joanna - At busy city streets

They are now staring into each others eyes.

Ben - May I? (short pause)
 

Joanna - (closes her eyes and puckers her lips)

Note: Ben starts to move towards her as if he is going to kiss her, but he does not kiss her, he leaves the scene.  As the scene ends, she is sitting there alone with her eyes closed and her lips puckered up waiting.  End of scene

Scene – 3

The elderly woman and younger woman are now sitting on the bed.

Elderly woman – (she says this line sounding sad) And that was what happened

Younger woman – So he never kissed you?

Elderly woman – When I opened my eyes he wasn’t there

Younger woman – Was he running?

Elderly woman – I don’t recall seeing him

Younger woman – Well, did he go to meet you?

Elderly woman – I don’t recall seeing him

Younger woman – Well, maybe you don’t remember the kiss

Elderly woman – I don’t recall seeing him (elderly woman begins to cry)

Younger woman – Well, maybe it wasn’t the sort of kiss you expected so you just don’t want to remember it.

Elderly woman – If I had kissed him, I would remember dear.  But I don’t recall seeing him

Younger woman – I’m truly sorry, he was young, so young then, and so stupid, so so stupid

Elderly woman – Maybe it was all just a novel I wrote, maybe I made him up and I’m confused, maybe I am not sure if this person really existed, I’m scared, what if it was all just in my imagination?

Younger woman – Well then you should look for the story in all those things you have written and you should give it to me so I can try to get it published, because it is truly a beautiful love story, I mean, all those years, all those letters… Who loves that way anymore?

Elderly woman – Will you help me? will you help me find him? will you research his name for me?

Younger woman – I don’t see why I can’t, I will do it for you.

Elderly woman – Closes her eyes….

Younger woman – Grandma, are you falling asleep again?

Younger woman – (starts to shake older woman) grandma… grandma…. (now actress begins to cry) 

grandma, grandma… No please god no, please no…. (crying really hard) grandma please no..

End.

At the end of the play, the song White Flag by Dido, should start playing.

Dear Journal ~ I'm a gypsy! are you coming with me?

GYPSY ~  One inclined to a nomadic, unconventional way of life.

I have so much to tell you yet I can only say so much! I will start by telling you that last night I left my drugs and behavior class feeling really sick to my stomach, it’s so deeply depressing what drugs do to us, especially illegal drugs, but even drugs that are for medicinal purposes can be harmful.  UGH! I know more than I want to sometimes, sometimes I feel like it is better to just be blind to reality and not know anything.   

I did not do well at all on my first exam, I literally left the class crying the day I took the exam.  I had a hard time with it, it was really tough for me to really focus and study because I have so much going on in my life right now, that I was feeling a bit overwhelmed, so much so, that when I tried to study it just didn't stay in my head, I did study, but clearly not hard enough.  I felt so embarrassed and I promised my professor that I would do better on her next exam.  For me, it is more embarrassing than anything else, and I don’t want to let my professors down, especially her, she is truly awesome! such a great woman!

So yes, lots of changes going on in my life right now, but I have to say that I am really happy about them, life is pretty decent at the moment, my biggest stress right now is making sure I do well in this class.  Two more weeks of it and I am two classes away from being a college grad for the second time! feels amazing! I got my Associates degree and now I will have my Bachelor’s! so many tears to get this one though, this one was TRULY TRULY HARD! I feel like I lost 4 years of my life but gained 4 years of amazing knowledge, I am practically another woman, but not really all at the same time.  I don’t know if it has to do only with what I learned in school, or with what life has thrown my way these last few years, but nontheless, I feel like a new person almost, it does feel awesome!

Lot’s of change, new beginnings, new thoughts, new people! it’s great to feel a sense of rebirth, and although in me I still have old things that I will always carry in my heart forever, I understand the value of change and am always ok with it, I realize that change is magnificent, and that it is inevitable and that it is good.  Someone one’s indirectly told me I had a gypsy soul, someone aka Benjamin, remember him? http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2010/12/omg-my-first-blog-entry.html yes, why would you ever think journal that I would completely erase him from my memory? He had a significant role in my life that I will one day share.  For now, though, I can tell you about this one time during our virtual love affair, that he indirectly dedicated a song to me called into the mystic, by Van Morrison.  That song described what I think he felt to the tee and what I think he thought of me to the tee, he got me so right.  I doubt that any other person in this world knows me as good as he did, yet we never shared not one kiss, yet he was amazing! Anyway (as my eyes get teary) I did not mean to get side tracked.  One note though, on the wall over my bed, in my last apartment in Brooklyn, I had a picture of a boat sailing into the mystic, I found that poster size picture in the garbage once, it was a poster size picture with a frame, so I took it and hung it over my bed, I did that, because it reminded me of the song.  When I packed, I made sure to pack my poster size picture, I will hang it again soon. 

Back to happy thoughts.  So, lot’s of change is going on in my life now, I am trying to let go of old habits and adapt new ones, I have made some really good friends in these last four years, I have had little heart breaks here and there that have taught me things about others and myself and I just feel like I am exactly where I should be, I have just being allowing life to flow and it is flowing properly, it feels pretty awesome to just let it flow!

This morning I woke up to a puppy nibbling on my ear and licking my nose! I LOVED IT! he is the cutest thing ever! He isn’t mine, but I love him as if he was! kids are good, and all is running smoothly.  What else can I tell you? OH! So for the last four years I have been in the dark about the entertainment world, like I have seen only a handful of movies it feels like in these past four years and I hate that, because I have always been a huge movie fan.   

For a while, I was getting entertainment weekly magazine delivered to me, but I never had the chance to read them, they sort of piled up, but for the last few days I started to try to read them and will continue to do so until I read all the ones that were piled up.  I cancelled my subscription because there's just no point in getting them.  Anyway, I figured if I at least read the ones I had piling up, I can at least catch up sort of, to what has happened in the movie world at least the last year.  There are a bunch of movies I’m going to have to watch to try to catch up and be part of this world! I feel like I’ve been in some foreign land for a long time, it’s crazy!

Other than that journal there isn’t anything exciting going on in my life, other than the fact that I am in one of my "I HATE ALL MEN MODES!" I’ll get over it, it happens to me from time to time.  I won’t write about why I’m in this mode, but let’s just say it has to do with the fact that for the most part, men are pretty fake.  Whatever, I don’t even care.

I will leave you today with a song that I remembered while I was reading one of my entertainment weekly issues of December 2012, they were recapping people who passed away in 2012 and one of those people was Whitney Houston, who didn’t love that woman? She had the most amazing voice! Anyway, they were referencing one of her songs and it reminded me of when I was MADLY MADLY MADLY in love with my oldest sons dad (my oldest son is now 19), I think his dad is probably one of the people who I have cared most about in my lifetime thus far.  Anyway, the song they were referencing was a song that I cried to so many times I’m surprised I still have tears.  It so happened that when the song came out, we were in one of our numerous break ups and I think I might of dedicated the song to him, who knows.  Anyway, I still love him very much (not in love) but love him dearly as a friend and father of my oldest child, but I remember back then thinking to myself, that I would NEVER AGAIN IN MY LIFE! LOVE THAT WAY!....RIGHT! My gypsy soul! It has loved time and time again, and will love again someday!

I leave you with
By: Whitney Houston

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14ivtcelIo0 

Learn with Jazzy: A very short essay on Alzheimer's Disease

Dear Journal -

I want to post my short essay that I had to write for my neuroscience class.  Writing it, took me about 4 hours.  It took me that long, because when I get into a topic I become so fascinated by it that I can't just read one research article on it, I have to read on and on.  So, what should have taken 2 hours, took 4.  I enjoyed writing it, I learned from it and I hope that you will enjoy it and find it informative as well, or at the very least interesting!

You see! you can learn stuff on my journal! YAY!

Behavioral Neuroscience

Summer 2013

Alzheimer’s disease brain disorder

Alzheimer’s disease is a degenerate brain disorder that causes individuals to have memory loss.  This memory loss slowly progresses to the point where it begins to affect all aspects of the individual’s life.  Slowly the person suffering from this disease, forgets situations, people, and eventually due to the loss of connection between nerve cells and the brain, the decrease in active neurons begin to deteriorate the brain causing it to shrink which ultimate results in death.  To date, there is no known cure for this disease, however there is ongoing research being conducted on many different aspects of the disease, some of the research includes research on cholinesterase inhibitors which temporarily improve and stabilize the decrease of memory loss.

There are three major things that happen to the brain which cause the Alzheimer’s disease, and although it is not known how the disease begins, what is known is that there are abnormal deposits of proteins that form amyloid plaques.  As the disease progresses fibers begin to tangle in a process called neurofibrillary tangles.  Eventually there is a loss of connection in the synapse between the normal nerve cells and the brain, as the healthy neurons begin to die, the disease begins to spread first in the hippocampus and eventually all other parts of the brain.  This causes the decline in memory, eventually it also causes motor deficits and eventually death.

Currently, there is no known cure for Alzheimer’s disease but there is on going research on such things as cholinesterase inhibitors.  Cholinesterase inhibitors help improve the effectiveness of acetylcholine.  When acetylcholine effectiveness is stronger on the nerve cells, it helps them communicate more effectively with one another which help the disease from advancing in the rate which it would otherwise advance without the assistance of the cholinesterase inhibitor.  The medication works best in the early stages of Alzheimer’s and moderate stage as well.  The medication however does not work on all patients unfortunately.  While some patients will improve, others will not and continue to deteriorate. 

I chose this topic because it is fascinating to me how the miscommunication of neurons which on the surface seem like a very simple physiological process, is such a complex one that I can’t completely grasp.  Taking this class has really opened my eyes on how fascinating, scary and complex the human body is and I think I prefer not to know so much about it as it makes me very anxious to understand how it all comes together and how the simplest malfunction of one system can completely destroy our very existence.  I am interested in Alzheimer’s also, because it saddens me how someone can have known you all of their life and then due to the disease the next minute not know who you are.  It is extremely sad and although I have never met anyone with the disease, I have heard many sad stories from individuals who’s life was greatly affected due to someone in their family suffering from this type of dementia.

Sources:
Ministry of Health.  (2013).  Cholinesterase Inhibitors.  Retrieved July 7, 2013 from http://www.health.gov.bc.ca/pharmacare/adti/clinician/cholinesterase.html
Lahiri, Debomoy K. (2009).  Current Alzheimer Research.  US National Library of Medicine National Institute of Health; 6(1): 1-3
National Institute of Aging.  (2011, November 18).  Retrieved July 7, 2013 from http://www.nia.nih.gov/alzheimers/publication/part-2-what-happens-brain-ad/hallmarks-ad

I chose this pic to put on this post, because trying to understand it was very difficult to me.  But.... by gosh I think i've got it! FINALLY! sheesh! 

All is well!..... In the moment

Dear Journal:

I had a great weekend with my children in PA.  I have been trying to stay focused in the moment and sometimes that is EXTREMELY hard, but, I have to admit that when I accomplish it and when I catch myself drifting away to a land far away called my millions of thoughts (useless thoughts) It feel great to bring myself back to the present moment and just enjoy it.  So, I guess I don't need to tell you that while I was sitting in the pool watching my daughter play and allowing myself to think about nothing and just focusing on the moments, it's no wonder I noticed all the delicious eye candy all over that damn pool!!!! can I just say that I was trying really really really hard not to look at anyone because the place was a family place and I am almost sure that most of the men running around after their kids in the pool were probably with a woman and she was probably somewhere in the vicinity! I tried journal, but what am I supposed to do if the one sexy daddy inside the pool with his little boy kept looking at me? like is it wrong that he was probably married and checking me out? and well, I had to look back, I mean that would be just rude of me if I didn't right?

Dark hair, shadow beard about 6'3 and that body! OH MY!!!!! I have to admit that I felt really good at the fact that he was checking me out, because for the first time in about 20 years, I am wearing a two piece bathing suit and I felt ok with wearing it actually, I think this is the first time in my life I wear a two piece bathing suit (when I was younger I wore the top once or twice and shorts) so obviously when he checked me out, since he was my type and he was hot and I wanted to jump his bones, I felt TRULY flattered! I don't know, maybe that's petty and silly, but I have struggled with my weight all of my life, so for me to actually put that two piece on and hang out in a pool full of people one who was HOT! (and probably married! insert sad face here) checking me out, it just made me feel good.  But, because I am respectful and I think I saw a woman talking to him later on (what if that was his sister? insert sad face here), I just pretended I wasn't lusting over him! but Oh my gosh!!! I want me one of those!!!!

Maybe I felt that way because he reminded me a little of someone who I will not write about, well, his facial features did not his body.  Did I mention his body was HOT???? and it wasn't HOT like he works out 7 days a week and he was toned or anything like that, actually, he was wearing a tee inside the water, but, I'm talking about the height and weight, and his arms, it just all looked so sexy together, sexy enough that here I am a day later and I'm still thinking about it! OH MY! oh, when he was leaving, he through on some reading glasses! SO SEXY!

So, all is well in Jazzy land.  I start my new class today and I am looking forward to it, I had a restful weekend, I regenerated and now I am ready to get back to those books! I think I got a B in my last class and I was really really really happy! I mean it isn't an A, but that class was REALLY CRAZY! I'm glad it's over and I will post a short essay I wrote for it as soon as I get a chance.

So.... all is well in Jazzy land! I will not write about someone, I will not complain about the fact that I haven't spoken to someone else in 3 weeks (AJ) and I will just keep saying it over and over again because in this moment.... ALL IS WELL!

I will leave you with my new favorite song!

Clarity
By: Zedd

Dear Journal: 4-8-13 I said too much, but not enough

Dear Journal:

My Mac Book is once again at the computer hospital aka geek squad at best buy, and so I'm using my sons laptop that is tiny and slow.... Me no like.

I don't know what to write, but I wanted to post something because I haven't written you in almost a week and I miss you! I like to come on here and share me.  Journal, I have been feeling a bit down lately, I really have.  Also, remember AJ? http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2012/06/f-trust-issues.html well, I had a huge argument with him 2 weeks ago and we are no speaking or rather, I think he isn't speaking to me or maybe I am not speaking to him.  Either way, I absolutely refuse to budge, because I am the one who is always trying to keep the peace with him and it pisses me off that no matter how hard I try we always end up in some stupid argument, he had the nerve to tell me when I saw him that he likes to fight with me he said and I quote "it's fun!" well, it isn't fun to me and I am making an effort to forget about him, because if you are my friend who loves me then there is no reason why we should fight. 

Journal, I want to leave you with a song, but I also must add to this post one final thing.... 2 number of men that in the last two weeks said I was too crazy to handle, really? it makes me sad that men can't "handle me" what does that even mean?

Ok, tired going to bed.  I'll leave you with REM.

REM - Loosing my Religion
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQ2yXWi0ppw

The man from B5

Dear Journal:

Although this morning the weather is really gray, the reason for me feeling gray inside has absolutely nothing to do with it, actually, I rather enjoy gloomy days as they make me feel peaceful and lazy and that in turn makes me think of sleeping which in turn makes me think of cuddling, which in turn makes me think of my 5 year old daughter (since she is my cuddle buddy) and thinking about my little baby always brings joy to my heart! Ok… sorry about the tangent! Me always do that!

So as I was saying, the reason for my sadness is a bunch of things some which I sort of want to keep buried deep inside and pretend that they don’t affect me, but I can however say this.  There is going to be a great deal of change in my life which I am happy to embrace but scared all at the same time.  I feel like I am ready yet part of me wishes deep down that the change would not be as drastic as it will be, although change is good, it’s also very scary.

Last night I had the magnificent pleasure of hanging out with someone that is extremely extremely special to me, and although I was given by him specific instructions never to write about him again, he will have to understand that this is my journal and that I write about special things and special people and shitty things and shitty people also if I have too, I don’t think he understands how significant you are to me journal, and that the fact that I write about him means he is pretty darn significant to me, no matter how weird sometimes I find that to be and no matter how hard I try to suppress it.  I have shared a significant amount of memories about him all over these pages, which makes him very very special. 

Yes maybe he and I have not had the best sort of friendship that two people can share, actually, I have no idea if I am even allowed to call him friend, since to him that word is very meaningful, but quite honestly I have to say that if nothing else, I learned from him all sorts of things and I should hope that from me he learned a thing or two also.  Regardless of the fact that our one year “relationship” or “friendship” has been tumultuous to say the least, we have none the less, some sort of connection that sometimes I find it difficult to explain or describe. 

One thing that I remembered last night while I was helping him do somethings he had to do, was that he and I have this dynamic that I can’t even explain, it’s just this thing that is greater than us and it’s something that I genuinely believe we both know and we both try to fight.  Maybe however, this is all just in my mind and I am just making it up as he said I often have done in the past, maybe he is right and I should believe that my theories about him or us are all wrong, but, I know what I feel when he is around and that feeling is not one that I feel when any other man is around me, so because I am honest always to myself and others, I must say that the dynamic I feel is always amazing, especially when we share some random night, morning, afternoon, just because life in that moment brought us together without any plan or explanation and we just become us, the two people we really are around each other, the dopey, goofy, funny, singers, dancers, fighters, defenders, liars, schemers, deceivers, defenders and detectives!

When it’s us two in a good day, morning or afternoon, when we are “we” we are pretty awesome and after we share those random moments which always seem to happen for some unexplained reason, after he is gone, I feel this empty space that I don’t want anyone else to fill and yet I know and understand that I have to let the magical moment pass and not question or wonder, but just be.  So yes journal, today I am feeling blue and this time he didn’t do a thing wrong, we didn’t fight, he didn’t upset me, I didn’t upset him, but life just happened and life broke my heart.

I wish I could say that I will never write about him again and that instead I will do as he instructed me and start writing about the garbage men I saw this morning picking up the furniture that was left last night by the fire hydrant.  I wish I could say that after we hugged and he drove away I did not cry on my way up the stairs of my building, I wish I could say that I have forgotten it all, but I cannot, because this is my life and I like to write and if he keeps his promise and visits me once a year, I am sure I will write about him again, so sorry Wilford, but Jazzy can’t stop writing about you! you inspire me in a way that others can’t, so sorry Wilford! and even if you don’t thank me for my poems, because “you won’t encourage me to keep doing it” I do it because this is what I love to do and I wrote about you, even before I met you…. Dare to dream my friend………

He told me last night that he is sure it won't be hard to find someone new to inspire me.  He doesn't know how wrong he is. It isn't every one that crosses my path, that I stare from a far, I write a story about without even knowing who he is and then he becomes a reality in my life, right before my eyes. How else can I explain the laws of life and or attraction if not by sharing these things that I manifest into my reality, these almost phenomenon that constantly happen to me just cause. No, it won't be really easy to find someone to inspire me again, but I am sure that one day, it will happen. I dare to dream again!

Journal, I leave you with a poem.  For you Wilford!

The man from B5

By: Jazzy

The man in B5, made me laugh, made me cry...

And on that last night there could be no good bye.  For those last hours were spent there with me, it was almost as if life had just made it be. 

And on that last night through little white lies a promise was made.  That one day he’d go and spend time with me there, and that on that day it would be a grand big affair! That we would walk, we would laugh as only we do! down the road up the hill, over mountains, we'd see, the wonderful natural beauty of God, the breath taking planes, and the wonderful sky! and oh my goodness what is that which we see? It’s that sort of tree oh this place is for me!

And hours will come and hours will go, Just him and just I, us sing and us dance!  I’ll ruffle his feathers and keep him together.  He’ll keep me from dreaming and being a fool.  Together we’ll smile it will last for a while, together at last together we'll be, together at last just he and just me.

And we both will tell truths and we both will tell lies, and we both will not know why we once said goodbye.  Oh boy one more time I will have him near! and he won’t remember that what I said was clear, that dreams do come true remember please dear! that I held him, I smelled him and kissed his soft lips.

And then I’ll remember how on that last night, he hugged me real tight and it felt just so right! together always in my memory we'll be! the man from B5, just he! and just me!

Painting by Claude Monet - Me like him very very much!

GO AWAY! I want you out of my memory forever! :'(

Dear Journal:

I was on the train a few days ago listening to my iphone, and on came one of my favorite all time Shakira songs.  In that moment someone popped into my head who the song reminded me of.  My initial thought was to tear up and my next thought was.... OMG! this song once made me think of Benjamin Nunez.... OH BENJAMIN! where are you now? do you remember Benjamin by the way? http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2010/12/omg-my-first-blog-entry.html although Benjamin was the theme of my life for nearly five years, I must admit that he no longer holds that role and although I have not found anyone to fulfill his role in the significant way that he did, I feel that someone came into my life nearly a year ago, that under the right circumstances, might have taken his place in my heart and in my life.  The only difference between the two individuals, was that one Benjamin, I never kissed, the other one, I had the pleasure of doing so.  So, here I was on the train listening to this song and I thought of the new man, but also realized that once upon a time, that same song, reminded me of someone else.  

A few years back, I struggled to try to forget Benjamin, I often wished I could erase him from my memory completely, I used to wish that he was gone from my thoughts forever, but now that I have had the opportunity to study the human mind a bit, now that I understand so much about our magnificent brains and know how vital memories can be to us and how useful they can be to us, I realize that I am so glad that I have the capability to have those memories and whenever they resurface, I can embrace them, accept them and then let them go.  For the first time in all these years, that song that once reminded me of one man, now reminded me of a new one, one that I shared some moments of my life and one who I call friend no matter how controversial our friendship has been.  This new man, is not really in my life anymore, I don't see him or hang out with him or barely talk to him, but I care for him very much as a person and a friend and I honestly have to say that I felt really guilty almost to share with him the fact that I had thought of him with a certain song, because It didn't feel fair to me that a song that made me think of one person initially, now made me think of him.  Yet it doesn't really matter, I am not cheating anyone, and they are two totally different individuals, but I couldn't help but to notice that there were things about the way I feel for him, that brought me back to the way I would feel about Benjamin.  At the end of the day, the point is that our minds hold on to information to help us with new thoughts, ideas and that it is ok to allow them to help us, but not to control us.  One person may have reminded me of another, but they were two completely different individuals and I gave the new person a fair chance to get to know him enough that I know in my mind and in my heart, that if I would have ever been with him, it wasn't because I was trying to replace someone else, it was because I liked who he was, he meaning the new man. 

So what does all of this mean you ask? and why is this important for me to log on my journal? well, for starters I am going through constant change and I am constantly growing and learning.  I want this on my journal because I want whomever comes across this entry, to understand that it is very very important to embrace our feelings and to accept them and then let them go.  That a memory is just a memory and that we can allow it to surface, but then let it go and be ok with it.  We have the power to control our thoughts and we can allow our thoughts to make us happy, sad, or whatever else we choose to feel.  Love is in our minds or is it? I was going to put on this entry, a video of the song I am referencing, but instead I decided to share a video that I watched in the fall when I was taking my Cognitive Psychology class.  Please take time out to watch this video and if you are ever going through something (romantic in nature) that is very painful, and you wish you could erase it from your mind, don't wish it anymore, because there are some out there that have to live without memories and it is truly a very very sad thing.  Be grateful that you have the ability to store your memories for whenever you wish to think them again.... OUR MIND IS POWERFUL.

The song will now remind me, of two people who touched me in a meaningful way and that is ok, I'm not doing anything wrong, this is my thoughts, my mind, and I can think whatever I wish too, it is the only part of me that no one will ever know unless I share it.  Come inside my thoughts sometimes and read my journal, share it with your friends and your families and whomever yo think will find something on these pages worth reading.  I encourage you to come into my world, my mind, my thoughts.  They are here on these pages I call my journal.

Please watch the video below, it is about a man who lives without memories, very very sad.

Clive Wearing - The man without memory

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=c62C_yTUyVg

Dear Journal - 6-19-13 The Mean Man

Dear Journal -

The word neglect can't even describe fully how I have almost abandoned you, so sorry sweet journal, but Jazzy has been so busy living and memorizing words like acetylcholine, yes I barely know how to pronounce it myself! anyway, I've been so busy trying to learn a million things at the speed of light, that writing has been the last thing on my list, writing, something that should always be on the top of the list.

I'm afraid I am lacking inspiration lately, I feel like I am missing something or like I've become almost numb of my emotions, they are just not all there lately.  It's this force I feel, this drive to keep my focus, that's almost made me mechanical.  A lot of times I'm moving in auto pilot and sometimes, I just straight up crash.

What can I tell you dear journal that might be of some sort of profound meaning? Hmm let me see..... Well, there is this one thing I would like to notate on this my sweet journal as a reminder to love thy self.  There was a man that I have written about in the past who I had very strong romantic feelings for, and while my feelings were not those of, OH MY GOSH I love this man so much! They were definitely up there with, man! I could actually picture myself with this person, that of course was a brief picture in my mind all based on "picture perfect" couple stereotypes, does that make sense? What I mean with that is that this man and I should we have taken a picture together and sent it around to people, everyone would say something like.... Wow! What a lovely looking couple! Like we genuinely would have looked really great together! I even think that if for one second, this man would of given me half a chance, he would of probably found a wonderful friend, lover and partner!  but instead, this person judged me from the start and put me in all sorts of stereotypes based on his past experiences with other women, never truly giving me a fair chance.  When I say that, I mean not even a chance to be a friend.

So, what I learned from this experience is that no matter how nice I am genuinely, people always seem to take my kindness for weakness and they do not treat me with respect, they are mean to me.  And when I say they, I'm pretty much referring to men, because obviously there is no reason for a woman to be mean to me, and if a woman is mean to me, then I will just move on from her also.  Relationships no matter what type of relationship it is, requires respect.  I will respect and be honest and treat you kind, if you offer me the same treatment, if you don't, then I no longer know you.

Journal, I leave you with a little poem I wrote after I saw the man who was mean to me.  Tonight on my way home from school, I was writing this entry on the train and right after, i bumped into him.  When I saw him, I had to pretend, I no longer know him, because he has not been very nice to Jazzy, I love all people, but I cannot love right, if I don't love myself first.

Unfair

By: Jazzy

Ignoring hurts me more than it hurts you, because it brings out a part of me that I do not like to see, so I cried because you drove me to bring out this side of me, this side that I do not like to see, a part that I keep deep inside, a part that only mean will make come alive.

So I saw you standing there, and pretended that I had never seen your stare, and acted as if I didn't know you, and walked passed as if nothing had been shared, because all along you had been unfair, and you brought out this part of me, a part that I did not like to see, and I walked by and left you there, because all along you had always been unfair.

So I walked away and never looked back, and I felt happy and then I felt sad, for you brought out a side of me that I did not like to see, because all along you had been mean to me and all along you had misjudged me and all along I tried to be nice and all along I had to pay the price and all I ever wanted was to be nice and all along I had to pay the price, but that day I left you standing there, because all along you had been unfair, I never want to see your face, I never want to share your embrace, I never want to see your smile, I never want to know you for a while, I never knew you before, I never saw you again, I never want to see your smile, I never want to see you around, so I left you standing there, because you were always so unfair.

Sex, Thoughts, Open Relationships!

Dear Journal:

The key word for this post is GUILT.  Lately I have been feeling guilty about a whole bunch of things and I honestly have to say that I am starting to piss my own self off.  Like seriously? how come when people do messed up things to me they don't feel guilty? and why do I have to feel guilty if the things that I do aren't really "that bad" I mean honestly, when I think of my life, I don't really do squat! like I have thoughts of wanting to do certain things that are pornographic in nature, but I don't really do them and furthermore I don't think I would be able to even if I wanted to, because I have this "guilt" factor that I have to carry around at all times, or is it that my up bringing is one of the mentality that if I do xy or z or xxx then I will be in trouble?

Ok, I know that I am not making a lot of sense, but honestly, I miss sex, I miss sex a whole lot and lately I have just being contemplating a whole bunch of crazy scenerios in my mind of these ridiculous fantasies that only happen on porn, but I think it's healthy to allow ourselves to imagine different scenarios.  I honestly think that the bulk of people do just that, they imagine they want this and that and at the end of the day, they don't do squat!

So I was away a few weeks ago and I was able to spend time with someone who I know really likes me, except I like him as a friend, but I don't like him romantically, I told myself that I could think "outside the box" and just go for it, why not! and so I tried my hardest to allow myself the opportunity to be with someone who treated me like a true princess and what happened? I don't like him! I FEEL SOOOO GUILTY! these things happen to me way to often and it is really frustrating, why is it always the ones that are sweet hearts that I reject? so I try to ask myself these questions and the answer is, that if someone really likes me, they are going to be nice to me and treat me like a princess, because the truth is, that it is in a man's nature to want to go above and beyond for the woman they like/love, so, I shouldn't feel guilty because I don't like him, I should feel proud of myself that I won't lead him on even though he gave me royal treatment.  I feel good that I can be honest with him knowing that he will no longer offer me that sort of treatment and I'm OK with it, because I do not want to do to others what I do not want to be done to me, so why in the world would I abuse of his kind gestures? actually, I would offer him the same treatment but can only do so as a friend.  Anyway, I told him this knowing that he would probably back off and not communicate with me as often, and that is exactly what happened, I hope that he finds someone suitable soon, so that he and I can be friends and then I don't have to feel guilty anymore.

In other Jazzy news, I have been seriously considering having an open relationship.  Well, I think first I have to have "A RELATIONSHIP" and then I have to make sure that the person is ok with it being open.  The reason why I think an open relationship would be cool, is that I honestly feel that I can't be with just one person for too long, I honestly thinking back at my past relationships, always get bored after a few years and so why not? but again, these are all just random thoughts that I wish to share on my journal, because I want whomever comes across my journal, to understand that it is OK to have different sorts of thoughts and ideas, it's healthy to keep your mental juices flowing, it's healthy to think, one thing is thinking another is doing! take charge of your thoughts, allow them to come out, discuss them with friends.  I am going to be judged regardless of what I say on my journal, and I honestly don't care, go ahead, judge all you want, half the time people get me all wrong anyway and I love that!

So I met this one guy on line who I am lusting over, except he lives in PA, why is it that the ones I like always live in different states? anyway, he is in an open relationship and I honestly think that he is only in an open relationship because his woman, who happens to be a sex therapist, wanted that.  Do you see what I mean about a man that wants you enough will go above and beyond? I think he is quite the cool guy and we only talk as friends, he doesn't know I'm lusting over him, but still! come see Jazzy! you will forget all about your sex therapist! all jokes aside, I barely ever lust over anyone, so this makes me feel good because at least I know I am still really alive! geesh! for a while there I thought I was a robot! yeah, this guy is quite the nerdy man who is just pretty awesome! who knows, maybe one day he and I will meet and then I will end up in an "open relationship" I mean, I will be with him knowing he is with her and then I can still do whatever I want! that's a win win situation if you ask me!

Ok. Gotta go, to many random thoughts going on in the left right hemisphere of my brain, because remember, the right side of your brain is responsible for spacial, artistic, creative and random thoughts (I added random) so yeah, lot's of stuff going on on that side this morning.  I need to get my logical left side going so I can get some school work done.  Oh and speaking of which, this semester, Jazzy is learning Behavioral Neuroscience... GOD HELP ME! that stuff is CRAZY!

OUR BRAINS ARE SOOOOO AMAZING!

Dear Journal... meaningful moments....

Dear Journal:

Last weekend at this time I was hiking and let me tell you, it was the best day ever! when I am surrounded by nature, everything seems perfect, it would of been even more perfect if I would have been doing it with the one my heart yearns for, but unfortunately, I always choose crazy people to care about and so no, I wasn't able to hike with him.  Instead however, I was hiking with an amazing awesome guy who I really like a whole lot, except I don't like him the way I feel I need to in order to want to do stuff like that with him often.  Should I explain? sometimes things happen to me and I think to myself... DAMMIT! this is the stuff that I really want to write about... this! life! now! and then when I sit down and try to put it all down, I realize that sometimes some things need to be left unsaid because there are some things that are just not nice to say, or because they are just way to personal and a bit embarrasing, however, I need to share a little bit of me that's way deep because if I do, then this journal is truly personal, it's truly real and it's truly me.

I went to another state last week and while I was there visiting, I had to ask myself a few questions, the reason why I had to ask myself these questions was because I need to make sure that I am being real to the one person that truly matters.....ME.  I went there for two reasons, one, because I absolutely love it there and two, because I wanted to meet AJ, remember him? http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2012/06/f-trust-issues.html so I set out on this trip with no expectations and deep down feeling a bit nervous but ready for the worst, because last year just about the same time, I had went to this same city to meet him and he had been so scared, that he was unable to meet me, last year when that happened, I was really torn, and felt a bit heartbroken.  This year, I was not only going to meet him, but I was going to meet three other people that I have been talking to virtually 2 other men and one woman.  So, I get there and we finally decide where exactly we were going to meet and I drive there to meet him and when I get there, he is standing outside of his car waiting for me.  When I got out of my car and went over to him, I felt as if I had known him always and as if I didn't know him at all, but I knew that the first thing I wanted to do was hug him, so I hugged him and said FINALLY! and we began talking as if we were really old friends that usually meet up every few weeks to have lunch.  During the whole time I was having lunch with him, I did not feel any romantic feelings, nor did I feel nervous, I just felt very comfortable sitting there with him which brings me to my theory.  I have this theory that when you don't have romantic feelings for someone, you are perfectly comfortable around them, but when you do have romantic feelings for someone, you get really nervous, I didn't feel nervous because I almost felt like he is mine and I have nothing to be nervous about, except that the reality is that he isn't and I should be very nervous.

After lunch we went back to my hotel room and I asked him to please just lay down beside me and hold me, and that is exactly what he did, I wrapped my hands around him and held on to him for dear life and then I began to cry, I began to cry, because I realized how magical it can be to hold on to the one you love, I had forgotten how amazing it feels to just be, just be there in the same space same place as the person who makes you feel whole, I felt whole in that moment, but I was also ready to leave when he was ready to do so, because I am not going to hold on to people, I don't feel that I want to, I feel that my freedom is so valuable, that I don't care to let go and that is exactly what happened next.  Before him and I went to the hotel, he told me that he could only stay with me until a certain time, I told him it was fine, so we went there held on to each other and when it was time to go, we left.  I did not have sex with him, I guess unfortunately and fortunately, fortunately, because I don't know what would happen if I made love to him, I'm not sure that I would be as calm and collective about the situation as I am right now, this very moment.  I also feel that the time we spent together was more meaningful, because we love each other, for who we each are and that is truly priceless, except now we are just.....I don't know..... two people that think of each other I guess.

The rest of the time I was there we did not communicate or saw each other and I to his face could not admit that I loved him and now I think I do but still am not completely sure, or maybe I just won't allow myself to love someone I am not with, because I went down that road before and that road led me to heart ache and pain.  So, I will leave the future of AJ and I up in the air, may the energies that brought us together and the spirit of love bring us back together if that is the will of the mighty creator, if it is not, then I know that we shared a very meaningful special moment, the sorts of moments that have deep meaning, the sorts of moments that you carry inside forever.  I will be living there sometime soon and I am sure that when that time comes, I will have much more to tell about AJ and I, because the one thing I am sure about, is that it isn't over, it hasn't even began.

The rest of the time that I was there I spent it with my other male friend, with him it felt natural to hang out, get drunk, cuddle and well..... have a great time! I cannot unfortunately say that It was the most meaningful moments of my life because with him I do not share a deep connection, I think that when I write about connections, anyone that comes across this post can understand.  There are people that cross our paths that we just feel deeply connected to, it's almost as if they were there all along, as if you had been with them somewhere before and then there are others that although you feel very comfortable with, you just can't seem to feel that deep closeness.  I loved hanging out with my other friend, but I was honest with him about how I felt and I was honest to the most important person that truly matters, ME.  I cannot lead someone on to beleive that just because I was finally able to cuddle, that means something, I feel like I reached a whole new level of me, that level being me being able to be a man, yes go ahead hold me tight if you wish, but there is nothing going on inside me.  Does this make me feel really sad? yes it does, I do not quite know at which point I became almost robotic.  But, I have had moments of truly giving myself to another, and that moment was when I was laying on a bed with AJ holding him tight, he didn't have my body, but in that moment he had all of me and that is more meaningful than any other thing in this world.  So journal, at least I know now that I am able to cuddle, will I go around and do it? probably not.... shallow Jazz.... you can call me that from no on.

 

OH.... I wanted to put this song on my journal because apparently, there are people in this world that get annoyed at the fact that I can cuddle now and not give a damn, I never understand men... the Alpha male... I don't want you, but I hate for anyone else to have you!... FUCK YOU!

Give me the night - George Benson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imYJpr09IgQ

 

 

Dear Journal: A Gift from Lily

"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone.  Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone" ~ Orson Welles

Dear Journal: 

A bunch of things have been happening in my life that I for many reasons don't really want to write to you about at the moment, the reason why I don't want to write about them, is because sometimes I get this strange feeling like others eyes fall upon you and pry on my thoughts and therefore I sometimes feel hesitant to share.  Imagine......... someone else reading you, the trill that I feel at that thought makes me want to cry, laugh, run, scream! how lovely is it to know that somewhere out there someone reads you and shares my life with me in some sort of wonderful way! thank you!

Journal, lately I have been thinking about God quite a lot, I feel like I am goint through some sort of spiritual transformation that I don't quite know how to describe, but I must say that what I have read is true, there are signs in the universe that we must pay attention to and when we do so, we discover amazing things and amazing people, love is amazing.

Below is a poem that I wrote for someone in my buidling that past away.  She was an elderly woman that I don't believe I ever had the pleasure of meeting or speaking to, yet she touched my life in a special way and it's too long to write, but I just need to say that wishes do come true, that what you ask for you really do get and that all it takes is a lot of faith and a lot of love, tis that simple.

One last thought, I did not know her name, but I found something with the name Lily, so I decided to give my little poem that name.



A gift from Lily

Lily so lovely are thou, and now you lay in Lily pads with lily flowers, the color blue would not describe you, oh lily where or where are you, and lily are you feeling blue?

And lily where can you be? And Lily I have your bed, and Lily you were so brave, and Lily if you only knew how much in this moment I so love you,

and thank you Lily for your gift and thank you Lily you'll be missed and oh Ms. Lily don't forget, because of you we have a bed, and thank you Lily you are so kind, and oh Ms. Lily you are divine.

Rest in peace lily.

This pic was taken on 5/13