Just in Case!

 

Dear Journal

I’m currently on a flight to NYC for the weekend. I feel so happy to be going home as I have been thinking about what I want lately and how it would be to move back. Part of me can’t imagine it, leaving CO would mean leaving my son and granddaughter behind and I don’t know, that thought is getting harder and harder to wrap my head around.

The captain just announced that we are about to land and all of a sudden I felt this happiness that I can never describe! It’s like this deep feeling of joy that only being home or when I visit Colombia my native land I experience. The guy next to me is sitting by the window and the window shade is down, this really annoys me because I LOVE the skyline of my beautiful city! I can never get tired of looking at the city that never sleeps from up above!

Anyway, before I got on my flight I thought about how nervous being on a plan makes me, I remember when I was younger flying was nothing to me, I’ve traveled a significant amount in my life time, and while I’m used to being on a plane and realize that flying is relatively safe, the fact still remains that I am 30 thousand feet in the air, and just the thought of that scares me half to death!

So, often when I fly I think about my life, my past, my future, my present and I reflect so that is exactly what I’m doing on this flight, I’m reflecting. Someone once told me, and by someone I mean Benjamin Nunez (that’s not his real name) that whenever he flew, he always thought about what he would say to people “just in case” I’ll never forget that moment because I remember thinking, what do you want to say to me? When he texted that to me I also remember thinking, oh my God, is he going to tell me something? is he going to tell me he has feelings for me? it felt as if there was something that he wanted to tell me, and then he didn’t say much at all. Now, when I think back at how he played with my mind and my heart, I can’t help but to wonder what this man's motive was, and why it was that I was I don’t know his target? Regardless of it all, he definitely had a big impact in my life so I guess I’m grateful for that.

So, what would I say to people should this be my last journal entry? Who would I say it to and why? Thinking about that the first and main thing that came to mind were my 3 amazing children! My how much I love them so deeply! They have been my reason for living! They are my life, my everything! The other day my friend told me that the first time he held his son he couldn’t believe there could be that much love for someone, and I could definitely relate, it was so nice to talk to someone that understood the love of one's kids, it is truly what true love feels like! There is no truer love!

So, should this be my last journal entry and they find my phone in the rubble of this plane, this is what I want to say to them.  My loves, I believe in the three of you, you all can and you all will accomplish anything you want in life if you work hard for it! I’m sorry if I ever did anything at all to hurt you in any type of way, you are my biggest accomplishment in life and no matter if I have nothing else to show for my life’s work, you three are it! You have made me want to be better, you help me work hard because having you three is my reason and no matter where my soul should go when I’m gone from this world, if I’m able to, I will always watch over you..... my true and only loves!

My angel gave me 3 amazing loves! thank you Angel!

A New Day Has Come - Celine Dion