Dear Journal -
I want to dedicate this journal entry to all the assholes that think they can disrespect a woman on the internet simply because they are cowards sitting behind their phones or computers and finally have the courage to talk to a woman! I have been on the online dating scene now for YEARS. The first time I was on dating sites was probably in 2009 when I was first separated from my ex husband. Back then, It was fairly new and I remember I looked into writing a research paper on online dating, because I definitely felt that meeting people on line could definitely take a toll on someone. Back then, after telling a number of people off without ever using a curse word, I had finally learned how to navigate online dating and then I literally started using it to just solicit people to read my blog. For a while, I was very active and when I mean active I mean I was on a bunch of sites and while I did meet some people some who till this day I'm really good friends with, I never really found love on them.
Fast forward to now and nothing has changed and there are still those men that think that simply because they aren't in my face, they can say whatever they want! I WISH THEY WOULD BE IN MY FACE! so, the other day while I was in NY I matched with this one man (by the way I swipe right on EVERYONE!) yes journal, the dating sites are now my new playground as I genuinely have no interest in meeting new people and sure maybe someone will come on my blog and think, this bitch! using dating sites to solicit, but hey, why not? I'm not asking anyone to buy anything, maybe the asshole who sent me the message I'm about to tell you about will come across this page and I don't know, realize that he will likely never get laid approaching women that way? Now, don't get me wrong, if for some miraculous reason some one blows my mind on a dating site, sure, I'll meet up for coffee or something, but right now my focus is not on finding love because in my experience, when you are "looking" for something, it never really goes down that way. Maybe one day I will go to a store to buy some cold cuts and fall in love! that's how I met my ex and while writing that last sentence made me feel really sad and now I'm tearing up, that is the story of him and I and then well, the rest is history! before I tell you what happened, I do want to point out that these experiences of disrespectful men are not only exclusive to men on the East coast, it's like that in CO and also while I was in OR and was on dating sites same crappy experiences, however, the way men approach women in different places is a bit different, I have definitely noticed that.
So, back to the asshole! my message read.... when was the last time you got fucked? UGH! my blood begins to boil when I see a message like that, but lately I've been feeling pretty good and decided to be on the nicer side, so my response was that I had sex that morning with my lover and too bad he couldn't be there! ok, first off, why in the world would I tell some stranger my personal sex life? second, what would make him think that opening up a message like that would make me feel any type of way other than grossed out? I wonder if he would have the balls to go up to a woman in a bar and be like.... hey, when was the last time you got fucked? can you imagine? so, here is my thing, if you want to get laid why not be nice? why not ask someone how they are doing? why not open up with how are you how is your day going? or whatever, anything nice that isn't disrespectful to women! like what type of douche bag does that? I've also gotten messages saying..... Hey you like to swallow? ugh! I swear writing these things on here make me so angry! what if a man says that to my daughter my granddaughter my mom or my sister or niece? what if someone says that to that person's sister or mother or daughter or any woman in their lives? I just feel that people think they can get away with saying whatever they want because they are behind a phone. I guarantee you that unless you are messaging some desperate lonely soul (which that is so sad) you will NOT get laid ever! Those are the types of things that really discourage me from taking people on dating sites any type of serious, it can be really depressing to see those things. When I first got back on dating sites this time around right after my break up, I cried a few times reading disrespectful messages. I remember thinking, wow, this is what I have to look forward to from now on and I remember also hating my ex so much in those moments, because in my mind, I thought I was going to get married and NEVER have to talk to strange men on the internet again. I don't feel sad about messages anymore, I'm definitely in a different place, but that doesn't mean that I'm totally ok with those types of messages and depending on the day, someone may just get told off!
In other Jazzy news, I felt really really really sad on Monday when I got back to Colorado from NYC. Literally when the plane landed I felt extremely sad, I even cried. The next day I had a rough day at work and I was just feeling super down, I cried so much because I just feel sometimes that I don't know what I want or where I should be going, almost as if I have no direction in life and I am not sure why I am feeling this way. I think it's time I talk to a therapist again, therapy is SO GOOD FOR OUR MENTAL HEALTH! any who, after I had my little pity party for a day and a half, I felt much better and decided that I will likely stay in CO for a very very very long time, because I just can't imagine leaving my granddaughter, who is actually sitting right next to me as I'm writing this journal entry! I can't leave her, she's so precious and one of the reasons why I came back to Colorado to begin with. So, I will be visiting NYC more often. I realized that it isn't the actual city that I miss, although I do miss that too sometimes, but mainly it's my family and friends that fill my heart with joy when I am around them. I guess they aren't so bad after all! I got to spend time with my cousins 15 year old son who is so lovely! I love that kid! we talked about all types of things and I felt like I learned a few things from him! I just love my family!
I have been listening to a lot of salsa lately, I think it's because the night before I was coming back to Colorado, my cousin and I were going to go to a salsa club but when we got there it was still closed as NYC didn't allow club openings until June 1st., such is my luck! no salsa for Jazzy! I am a good dancer I was looking forward to it, but it's all good! I will be back!
I leave you with...... Un amante como yo - La suprema Corte Orquesta
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