Dear Journal -
Such an exciting weekend indeed! I simply must tell you how I hiked up a mountain and made it to the peak! it was AMAZING! I never even thought about doing such a thing, but I recently met someone on a dating site who I didn't have a romantic connection with, but who turned out to be pretty cool and whom I became friends with. The day we met he talked to me about 14er's and I didn't even know what that meant, and then he told me, a 14er is a slang term to describe mountains that are 14thousand feet above sea level, the peaks reach 14k. While some of these hikes might only be 3 or 4 miles to their summit, it is extremely hard because the entire ascend is an incline so for me, it took me 5 hours to hike up the mountain. So when he explained this stuff to me, I was like.....Well I want to do that! so began my obsession with having to do it! yesterday I finally accomplished my latest challenge! it was REALLY HARD! I would be lying if I told you journal that it was a piece of cake! I have to admit that there were definitely times that I wanted to turn back, but my friend pushed me on and I finally got to the top! I cannot tell you the mental strength that it takes to do such a hike, I talked myself into it every step of the way, and to be honest, everyone around you talked you into it! it's so awesome all the great people you meet on hikes! I made a new friend who lives in Colorado Springs, we talked and talked and talked some more, he is pretty darn cool!
Life this month has been pretty chill, I do have to attribute that to the fact that I haven't been on social media much and I also got off of all dating sites. Getting off of dating sites has felt really good, it was getting really overwhelming because on the sites that I was on, I referenced my FB page so I would get emails on FB and on the sites and it was just a whole lot! I do fully intend on getting back on them next month, I think I might be starting to feel like I want to find someone to actually date, someone that I can feel connected to in a way that's just more than a sexual thing or a friendship thing. While I do believe I do pretty well as a single woman, I just want to know that I have someone that I don't have to think about with fear, because I know he's thinking about me too, does that make sense? I don't want to feel like I have to hold back on being me and being genuine and giving, or like I have to pretend I don't care. I want to meet someone that isn't afraid to give and receive, where will I find this masked man you ask? who knows! but I know one thing for sure, he's out there somewhere with all the wrong women and when he finds me, he's going to know and so will I! I have no doubt that someone out there, will see me for who I am. I don't know how long it will take for this person to come into my life, but now I'm starting to feel like I'm opened to that, maybe it's because "WINTER IS COMING!" and no one likes cold lonely nights! unlike in my previous lifetime when I was afraid to cuddle, this new woman right here, will cuddle and cuddle some more! So, we shall see what these dating sites will bring into my reality!
Journal in a month from now, or on 9/13 it will be a year that my ex and I officially broke up. I had thought that by now I would be completely over it, but come to find out, I'm not completely over it, but I'm sure hell close to it! I had thought about deleting all the pictures I have of us on that date, I have over 500 pictures of us. Not to long ago I found the strength to look at them and I cried and laughed and cried and laughed some more! We had some fun times for sure! Anyway, I had a conversation about the pictures with my friend who told me I should put them in a flash drive and just let them sit there until one day, I'm finally truly ready to delete them. That idea made me feel so much better, because it didn't seem so finally. Deep in my heart I always hope that one day, we will be able to talk again and say our sorry's I hope that one day we can at the very least check in on each other from time to time, after all, he was part of my life for 4 years and I didn't fall in love with a total and complete loser, he might be going through his journey and I'm no longer part of it, but he had some really good things that I will always miss!
Yesterday on my hike, when I was about 13 thousand feet above sea level, I broke down and cried, because I thought about how he would complain to me that he didn't like hiking with me because "your foot always starts to hurt" but there I was 13 thousand feet 5 hours in of hiking with foot pain but still going strong, I cried because I want someone who will stand by me even if "my foot always hurts." I guess I was crying because the lack of oxygen was getting to my brain and I just felt a rush of emotions and I thought about how he would complain about my foot to me as if I had hurt myself on purpose. I guess in that moment I also felt kind of lonely, like I had no one to tell my exciting news too. Sure, I have my kids and friends who were proud of me, but it's different. I guess in that moment is when I also thought, I want a boyfriend, I want to call someone to be like..... baby I did it! and then go home and celebrate with him! or even better, reach the top of the peak together and share a moment that is ours and part of our story! so we shall see! I might just change my mind tomorrow about having a significant other, I do tend to go back and forth on the idea.
I do enjoy being single, I have so much fun, but I know that if I'm with the right person, someone who trusts me, then I can still have a lot of fun. I don't necessarily need like someone who we have to be together 24/7 or someone that has to be on my beck and call, I just want someone chill who I can do things with and who's company I enjoy and who I can laugh with and just have a good time with. I don't necessarily want anything extremely crazy as I do realize that it takes time to get to that place not a crazy place but like a very serious committed place, but I guess what I do want is someone that I'm exclusive with that I don't have to keep being on dating sites anymore, although this person may have to understand that for the purposes of this journal, I might need to stay on them, but he will trust me because I am one loyal person to my feelings and if I pick you and I like you, then that person need not worry about me straying! Jazzy is as loyal as can be, even if I have had my mishaps in the past, I have learned from them and have full intention of being a loyal good fun loving girl to some lucky man!
I will leave you with a pic of me up closer to the sky! I felt a little angelic! I'm already planning my next adventure hike! the rush is like no other!
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