Dear Journal -
I obviously write very personal stuff on here and I share things that are important to me. The post below was written by my niece who is an amazing young woman! She writes beautiful songs and is incredibly smart and she has been through more than anyone her age should ever have been through, but she is resilient and is strong and extremely BRAVE! she posted this as her FB status on July, 24 2021 and when I saw it I could not believe how BRAVE she was to share something so deeply personal! I was SO PROUD OF HER!
There are some posts on my blog that were written by friends of mine, I would sometimes ask people if I could share their story on my journal etc. I asked her if I could share this on my journal as I think it is EXTREMELY important that more young women and girls come out and tell their story as they did not do ANYTHING WRONG! The more these topics are talked about and the more awareness we build around them, the less it may start to happen as it might resonate with a mom somewhere who might be trusting their child with a perpetrator. By the way journal, it isn't a mom's fault that this happens, that's not what I'm implying, however, we NEVER really know who we are trusting our kids with, please take really good care of them because they are so beautiful, amazing and vulnerable! Below is my beautiful nieces very sad story! Please share this story with others!
Written by Ashley:
So, since I'm having full fleged dreams about it. I'm going to write down my feelings. If you read till the end, thank you.
When I was about 2 years old my father abandoned me. Pretty much walked out of my life and came every 2 years to lie to my face. "I love you, I'm not leaving this time." I don't like talking bad of the dead, and I'm sorry father, but you were a shit father to me. You made me cry and think I wasn't worthy of love. Because of you I hated my brother for years. I believed my brother was lucky, because his dad stayed. His dad loved him. His dad actually loved my mom. And nobody knew but the man that raised me since I was 3, started sexually abusing me since I was 5. And because I was in so desperate need of a dad I let it continue for years (for many of them I didn't even know what was happening.) Growing up I knew I wanted my brother to have his dad around, I wanted my mom to have her support around. Everyone loved this man. This man, who took someone else's kid and treated her as his own, could do no wrong. I couldn't lose the only dad I knew. I couldn't have my mother cry again. I couldn't let my brother feel my pain of being abandoned by his dad. And despite my father being a stranger in my life, I knew he would hurt Richard had I said something. So as I grew up, I continued to lie, so nobody would suffer (because of me, but this was also a lie I told myself.). I continued to tell everyone that Richard was the best dad ever. It wasn't until therapy, my father passing, and a deep secret of Richard's moral character that I decided it was FINALLY time to stop hiding this secret for him. It took all the courage I had to realize that even though it felt like a selfish thing to tell people about what happened, it wasn't. It wasn't MY lie, it wasn't My fault. I didn't deserve that. I didn't do anything wrong. I went to the police, told my story. Collaborated with every detective I had to. Cried on a witness stand... Because I had never said any of these things out loud before. I had never let them leave my mind. These events. These feelings. I left it all on that stand... And now, he's awaiting his court date. And although I do not hate him, I do hope he gets what he deserves. I hope he never hurts anyone else.
My wonderful human being brothers and sisters, it's never too late to relieve yourself from a burden. I feel so free now that I have told my story. I can walk with my head held up high, knowing that I did deserve the true unconditional love, no strings attached by a dad. I just never got it. And that's okay. My daughter has that now, and I couldn't be happier.
Fathers, maybe the woman you had children with is the worst woman in the world (my father's excuse), but your child deserves to have their dad in their life. Your child, however he or she came to be (accident, planned etc) deserves the right to be a functional adult, with a father who gives a shit about them. I know it may not be easy dealing with someone you may no longer love, you may not even like, but that's YOUR CHILD. You can tell yourself that they won't need you. That they are "better without you" (also what my father said). But I can assure you, they are not. Had my father been around, I wouldn't have needed Richard's love. I wouldn't have let him hurt me just to have a dad around. We want to be whole. We want to know where we come from. We want to be wanted by the people who supposedly are biologically inclined to love us. And when you choose to be a shit dad, you are setting that child up for failure, for mental illness, for heartbreak. I know many of you out there who overcame your daddy issues (I'm proud of you), but so many of us don't. We carry that pain. I know I do. I have major trust issues, thanks to all the important men in my life causing me so much pain. Father, abandoned me. Step father, sexually abused me. Husband, committed suicide and left me to raise a 1 year old all on my own. So yeah, I have daddy issues... My father didn't love me (he claimed he did, but I know what love is. I know what true love looks like. And it wasn't anything remotely to what he gave me), and it messed me up. So please, be there for your kid. Be a good dad. You don't have to be perfect, but please try to be better for them. They're not going to be children forever, and they eventually realize who was there for them, and who was not.
Thank you for reading until the end.
Remember, some of us are so much stronger than we look. So don't judge a happy face and think that person lived a perfect life. Don't look a person who made some not so great decisions and think you could never have gone that path. You didn't live their life. You don't have their brain, their heart, their pain, their personality. Treat everyone with respect and kindness.
I want to thank everyone who has supported me, and loved me through this journey of opening up about what happened to me. Most of all, I want to thank my Brother. Who has shown me that he is the type of man I want to see in the world. A good man, who chooses right over wrong. A man who keeps his word. A man who could never intentionally hurt someone. An understanding man, who only shows respect and love for people. I love you Aaron, you are the most beautiful gift Richard ever gave this planet. And I thank God, the stars, the universe that Richard and mom made you. You are an incredible blessing to this world, and to me.
Have a great night everyone.
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1-800-4-A-CHILD or 1-800-422-4453
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