Dear Journal:
I have missed you so! I am sorry that I have neglect you as of late, but my schedule consists of what feels like never ending days which are still not long enough to do all the things I need and want to do, I am exhausted!
I have a confession to make because I feel that the only way I can feel better about the things I do that I know are not right, is by telling you, it is almost as if I am confessing my sins that I commit to eyes that will never say what they read and minds that will never judge my wrong doings, for I am human and as such have faults, some that I am not proud of and wish I could change. I try everyday journal, it is a never ending journey of self improvement!
Three nights ago as I laid in my bed with tears in my eyes, I could not help but to think of him! YES HIM! the one I can never let go of for some crazy reason! Even as I write this entry, my eyes are getting watery, I cannot control my emotions when my thoughts are of him, him..... the name, the one you already know all to well, his name..... Benjamin Nunez! (that's not his real name) http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2010/12/omg-my-first-blog-entry.html
I had not contacted him in a really long time, but I felt that I just could not control my urge, sometimes, I feel this deep sad feeling in my heart and when I do, I let it take control of me, I let it out (cry it out) and then let it go, it is important in my opinion to experience our sadness and allow those feelings to come to surface. The key is to do so and release and move on and that is exactly what I did. I cried, I wiped my tears and then I fell into a deep sleep and woke up a new woman ready for a new day and a new challenge.
Of course as I predicted, he never got back to me, but that is ok, because I know that one day, he and I will meet again and when we do, he will look at me and talk to me as if nothing has ever happened, however, I know that deep inside of himself he will know the truth. I don't care that he lies to the world and me, because no matter what he does, he has to live with the truth in his mind and heart for he is not made of rock or wood.
Anyway, what I wrote to him was nothing crazy and because he did not respond to me, I will share that short letter with you below, after all, this is my own therapy and if I must share with the world my troubles of love then maybe I can finally heal from the loss that was so absolutely incredibly hurtful to me that I still haven't been able to completely overcome it. For you my journal, I will put on these pages my shame so that maybe next time I think of sending that man who does not deserve my love a message again, I can think of you and know that what I am doing is completely wrong and that I need to continue to remember that I need to love myself more.
Additionally, since his eyes do not deserve to read my loving words which he has ignored for so many years, I feel that I want to share those beautiful feelings that come from the deepest of my heart and soul, with you my lovely journal. At least on here, if anyone should ever come across this page, they will appreciate that I have felt a love so true, that I am not ashamed or embarrassed because that is quite honestly the most beautiful thing one can feel. Below is my letter of shame or letter of love, which ever fits best your taste....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-fWDrZSiZs&ob=av2e
I have missed you so! I am sorry that I have neglect you as of late, but my schedule consists of what feels like never ending days which are still not long enough to do all the things I need and want to do, I am exhausted!
I have a confession to make because I feel that the only way I can feel better about the things I do that I know are not right, is by telling you, it is almost as if I am confessing my sins that I commit to eyes that will never say what they read and minds that will never judge my wrong doings, for I am human and as such have faults, some that I am not proud of and wish I could change. I try everyday journal, it is a never ending journey of self improvement!
Three nights ago as I laid in my bed with tears in my eyes, I could not help but to think of him! YES HIM! the one I can never let go of for some crazy reason! Even as I write this entry, my eyes are getting watery, I cannot control my emotions when my thoughts are of him, him..... the name, the one you already know all to well, his name..... Benjamin Nunez! (that's not his real name) http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2010/12/omg-my-first-blog-entry.html
I had not contacted him in a really long time, but I felt that I just could not control my urge, sometimes, I feel this deep sad feeling in my heart and when I do, I let it take control of me, I let it out (cry it out) and then let it go, it is important in my opinion to experience our sadness and allow those feelings to come to surface. The key is to do so and release and move on and that is exactly what I did. I cried, I wiped my tears and then I fell into a deep sleep and woke up a new woman ready for a new day and a new challenge.
Of course as I predicted, he never got back to me, but that is ok, because I know that one day, he and I will meet again and when we do, he will look at me and talk to me as if nothing has ever happened, however, I know that deep inside of himself he will know the truth. I don't care that he lies to the world and me, because no matter what he does, he has to live with the truth in his mind and heart for he is not made of rock or wood.
Anyway, what I wrote to him was nothing crazy and because he did not respond to me, I will share that short letter with you below, after all, this is my own therapy and if I must share with the world my troubles of love then maybe I can finally heal from the loss that was so absolutely incredibly hurtful to me that I still haven't been able to completely overcome it. For you my journal, I will put on these pages my shame so that maybe next time I think of sending that man who does not deserve my love a message again, I can think of you and know that what I am doing is completely wrong and that I need to continue to remember that I need to love myself more.
Additionally, since his eyes do not deserve to read my loving words which he has ignored for so many years, I feel that I want to share those beautiful feelings that come from the deepest of my heart and soul, with you my lovely journal. At least on here, if anyone should ever come across this page, they will appreciate that I have felt a love so true, that I am not ashamed or embarrassed because that is quite honestly the most beautiful thing one can feel. Below is my letter of shame or letter of love, which ever fits best your taste....
Dear Love:
From you I learned two very valuable things.
1. How to truly love
2. How to shelter myself from ever feeling that again.
Thank you for both.
I write to you tonight with Tears in my eyes and tonight as I was heading to writers workshop which I went for absolutely no reason because I went to the wrong building and missed the whole free class, I was in full sweat gear and thought to myself.... Wow! When did I become him?
To my defense, I've been a sweat suit girl all of my life, I have proof! So, since I'm older, when did you become me?
You don't write anymore, what happened? No inspiration? How I love thee let me count the ways!
I hope that girl, that has my love, is treating you kindly!
Maybe tonight you will visit me in my dreams.
From you I learned two very valuable things.
1. How to truly love
2. How to shelter myself from ever feeling that again.
Thank you for both.
I write to you tonight with Tears in my eyes and tonight as I was heading to writers workshop which I went for absolutely no reason because I went to the wrong building and missed the whole free class, I was in full sweat gear and thought to myself.... Wow! When did I become him?
To my defense, I've been a sweat suit girl all of my life, I have proof! So, since I'm older, when did you become me?
You don't write anymore, what happened? No inspiration? How I love thee let me count the ways!
I hope that girl, that has my love, is treating you kindly!
Maybe tonight you will visit me in my dreams.
******************************************************
Please enjoy this lovely Dido Song - White Flag http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-fWDrZSiZs&ob=av2e
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