My cousin pointed out to me the other day, that it was obvious that my middle child was my favorite from my three children. When he told me that, my mouth literally dropped, I could not believe someone had made such an observation about me and not only did it surprise me that this observation was made, but also that the selection he would make would be my middle child.
Being a parent is really challenging. Each and every day, we are faced with difficult situations to deal with, most of the time, I have absolutely no idea what the hell I'm doing, but I use the very basic principles to try and make sure that I am doing my very best.
The first thing I teach my children is to love all people and treat everyone the way they would want to be treated. The second thing I teach them is that we should always try our very best at all the things we are doing, no matter how easy or difficult it may seem. And lastly, I tell them that life isn't fair, but it's up to each one of us to take responsibility for our actions. In addition, I don't tolerate lies at home, and I allow them to express themselves freely around me. And lastly, I have never sheltered them from the real world (meaning they are allowed to ask questions about drugs, sex, girl, whatever), because I much rather them ask me a question, then ask someone on the street and that the answer they may get from someone other then myself, is not given to them with their best interest at heart. An outsiders values, may not be the same as mine, and my childrens best interest is not as important to a stranger, as it is to me.
When I think of my children, I don't think of them as my three kids, but rather, I think about them as three unique individuals that have very different qualities that I have to respect and admire. They are at very different stages in their lives, and each one has been different from the other. I treat them according to their current needs, I don't pick favorites because my love for them is equal and pure. They are the single most important thing to me, I carried each one of them inside of me for 9 months, I had them all by natural birth. Each one hurt just as bad, and there is no way in this world, that I could choose one from the other.
After my initial shock that my cousin was making this observation, and feeling a bit annoyed by it, I asked him what he was basing his conclusion on, he told me that the picture on my phone was of him, and that he noticed how the first thing I always did when I got home, was make sure he ate etc.
To this I had a very simple explanation.
I base my actions on the fact that he is the one that needs me most for those basic needs, my 16 yr old is grown enough to serve himself and take care of his need to eat, my 11 year old won't think of food as much because he's busy with being a little kid, playing games, watching tv etc. and my little girl has a sitter that takes care of those basic needs for her. So logically, when I walk in to my home, my first thought is, did the little boy sitting in front of that tv have dinner already?
When it comes to my middle child, I have actually always felt like he gets the least of my attention and therefore I feel the need to try to do extra things to make up for that. It's not that I don't want to give him attention at all times, it's just that he is around me least because he is a little kid who only cares about video games and television, so I have to sometimes grab him and ask him to spend time with me, I often miss him, because he prefers to do other things then be with his mom.
My oldest on the other hand is always talking to me, our relationship is unique and very special. I am his mother, but also his friend. My little girl needs me all the time, her basic needs requires my constant attention.
Still, this observation left me feeling that maybe I am not doing the best that I can as a parent, and that maybe I am missing something that I need to identify and that maybe I need to find a way to be with them all more. I feel like I am constantly being pulled in three different directions, and I have to admit, sometimes it gets really overwhelming and stressful. But for the most part, I try to do the best I can because that is all that I can do. We teach our children things every day, but in my opinion, I learn a lot from them as well, I learn how to be a parent every single day.
Anyway, like I said, what the hell do I know about being a mom? It's one of the toughest things I have ever done in my whole life. I just hope I'm doing ok with it. And I hope that my kids know, that mommy doesn't pick favorites and that I love them all equally and to death!
Being a parent is really challenging. Each and every day, we are faced with difficult situations to deal with, most of the time, I have absolutely no idea what the hell I'm doing, but I use the very basic principles to try and make sure that I am doing my very best.
The first thing I teach my children is to love all people and treat everyone the way they would want to be treated. The second thing I teach them is that we should always try our very best at all the things we are doing, no matter how easy or difficult it may seem. And lastly, I tell them that life isn't fair, but it's up to each one of us to take responsibility for our actions. In addition, I don't tolerate lies at home, and I allow them to express themselves freely around me. And lastly, I have never sheltered them from the real world (meaning they are allowed to ask questions about drugs, sex, girl, whatever), because I much rather them ask me a question, then ask someone on the street and that the answer they may get from someone other then myself, is not given to them with their best interest at heart. An outsiders values, may not be the same as mine, and my childrens best interest is not as important to a stranger, as it is to me.
When I think of my children, I don't think of them as my three kids, but rather, I think about them as three unique individuals that have very different qualities that I have to respect and admire. They are at very different stages in their lives, and each one has been different from the other. I treat them according to their current needs, I don't pick favorites because my love for them is equal and pure. They are the single most important thing to me, I carried each one of them inside of me for 9 months, I had them all by natural birth. Each one hurt just as bad, and there is no way in this world, that I could choose one from the other.
After my initial shock that my cousin was making this observation, and feeling a bit annoyed by it, I asked him what he was basing his conclusion on, he told me that the picture on my phone was of him, and that he noticed how the first thing I always did when I got home, was make sure he ate etc.
To this I had a very simple explanation.
I base my actions on the fact that he is the one that needs me most for those basic needs, my 16 yr old is grown enough to serve himself and take care of his need to eat, my 11 year old won't think of food as much because he's busy with being a little kid, playing games, watching tv etc. and my little girl has a sitter that takes care of those basic needs for her. So logically, when I walk in to my home, my first thought is, did the little boy sitting in front of that tv have dinner already?
When it comes to my middle child, I have actually always felt like he gets the least of my attention and therefore I feel the need to try to do extra things to make up for that. It's not that I don't want to give him attention at all times, it's just that he is around me least because he is a little kid who only cares about video games and television, so I have to sometimes grab him and ask him to spend time with me, I often miss him, because he prefers to do other things then be with his mom.
My oldest on the other hand is always talking to me, our relationship is unique and very special. I am his mother, but also his friend. My little girl needs me all the time, her basic needs requires my constant attention.
Still, this observation left me feeling that maybe I am not doing the best that I can as a parent, and that maybe I am missing something that I need to identify and that maybe I need to find a way to be with them all more. I feel like I am constantly being pulled in three different directions, and I have to admit, sometimes it gets really overwhelming and stressful. But for the most part, I try to do the best I can because that is all that I can do. We teach our children things every day, but in my opinion, I learn a lot from them as well, I learn how to be a parent every single day.
Anyway, like I said, what the hell do I know about being a mom? It's one of the toughest things I have ever done in my whole life. I just hope I'm doing ok with it. And I hope that my kids know, that mommy doesn't pick favorites and that I love them all equally and to death!
You shouldn't let someone else's opinions make you second-guess yourself as a parent. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely right :) but I do like feedback because I always want to work on being a better person, parent whatever ;) so It's good to hear what people have to say. Also, he didn't tell me this in a bad way, we were having a conversation about our children and he made that comment. :-) ps. Love you for your support of my blog! you ROCK! re-post whenever you like something you read. ;)
ReplyDeleteAs you said, each child is a different person and has different needs. Growing up I had 3 siblings, I was the second oldest but I was a space cadet (there are reasons for it) and as such my mother would have to make a special effort to seek me out and be sure to spend time with me - otherwise I would be off in my own little world.
ReplyDeleteYou are their mother, you know them best, I have no doubt you are doing the right thing.
Also, your comment about the world not being fair but teaching them to take responsibility for their own actions - I applaud that, that is right on. Just because the world is not fair does not mean we should not treat others with fairness.
I try my best. Sometimes it gets really hard though :(
ReplyDelete